Thursday, June 30, 2005

More Nazi Propaganda!

"Sag day for girls in sport "

WOMEN who play beach volleyball risk being left with saggy breasts, a top doctor has warned.

Plastic surgeon Dr George Khoury, 39, said he has a growing number of clients from the sport.

The German surgeon explained: “Vibrations stretch the tissue around the breasts.

“The female breasts, even small ones, weren’t made for swinging up and down 300 times in a short period of time.”

This guy is obviously an idiot. However perhaps I should investigate further, just to prove him wrong.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

PVT. LANGER discusses last night's speech

PVT. LANGER was in attendence at last night's Presidential Address at Ft. Bragg.

A Review by Pvt. Noah Langer (Fargo, North Dakota)

The overall reception by the troops to last nights’ presidential speech was mixed.

I have to admit I was pretty pissed off that he didn’t think it was necessary to come out for an encore. We were banging on the seats and we had those little lasery things that shine up on the wall. I knew he was gonna do some of his greatest hits such as “The World Has Changed Since 9-11,” “Iraq Has Terrorists,” and some of his newer material like “Giving an End Date (Means the Terrorists Just Have to Wait.)” I was surprised there weren’t many new tracks of the rumored forthcoming album “War Is Over” like “We Got New Armor (And We Know How to Use It). I understand he also does a Banjo Trio with Cheney and Rumsfeld “Six Months, 12 Years (What’s The Difference?)”

I was really hoping he would come out with a big encore of some of his earlier more eclectic material, ya know for us, the die-hards. I was hoping he would surprise us with “A Brutal Dictator” or a good old “Axis of Evil” and the popular B-Side “Iraq is Processing Uranium,” or "Bin Ladin:Dead or Alive" (with Bon Jovi). He could have at least thrown in “The Priceless Barney Lymric”

All in all for a $120 ticket (which is equal to my weekly salary) I wasn’t very impressed. The T-Shirts were $50 a pop.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

This is a toughie

Because of the high Journalistic standards of CRACKPOT PRESS, we find it disturbing that these reporters can go to jail for not naming their sources. Sure, treason is involved and regardless we want Rove to go down in Plamie Flamies.

Crackpot Press will NEVER reveal sources.

BUt if Time Warner is willing to bend the rules, let Rove Burn!

The Greatest American???

Oy, the American Public has cast their votes for the Discovery Channel's GREATEST AMERICAN. I didn't vote, so I am not allowed to bitch...

Wait, I'll do whatever I want!!!

How in the HELL does Reagan top Lincoln...

How the Hell does Bush make the top 10.

How the hell does Bush beat Elvis Presley?


Top 10 greatest Americans
1 Ronald Reagan
2 Abraham Lincoln
3 Martin Luther King
4 George Washington
5 Benjamin Franklin
6 George W Bush
7 Bill Clinton
8 Elvis Presley
9 Oprah Winfrey
10 Franklin D Roosevelt

Monday, June 27, 2005

Movies that should be banned.

As you know AMC has been showing the edited versions of movies. Not just the edited versions, but the Reagan Era original Network edits. Major plot points are missing.

The Following Movies need to banned from The American Movie Classics playlist:

#1 "The Blues Brothers" (which is on now and has inspired this article) Belushi really needs to tell the the Nun that she is "Up Shit Creek" and Ackroyd needs to tell her she is a "Crazy Bitch." The scene plays like a woman beating men with a ruler. Oh Dear God, they just cut out the word "Laid." Instead of Belushi "getting him laid" Belushi got him "Paid"
#2 "The Bad News Bears" because Tanner tells it like it is. "All we got are Jews. Spics. Niggers and a Booger Eating Moron.. and now "A GIRL?"
#3 "Blazing Saddles" They cut the "It's Twue" scene and the line "We'll take the niggers and the chinks.. but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH"
#4 "Last Tango in Paris" Butter.
#5 "Midnight Run": apparantly, they prefer the four minute directors cut.

Demand better consumerism,

Saturday, June 25, 2005

More On College Repubs

The College Repubs, who raised millions in Fundraising Cash by a conning senior citizens, Party Hardy with the Grand Wizard of illegitimate Fundraising... TOM DELAY!

Sold at the events were buttons that said "Adam and Eve, not Adam And Steve" and the spicy "I only sleep with Republicans." Well all know that's a lie because "Christian chicks are easy"

Surprisingly there was no enlistment stand there. These kids should be serving, yet they dont seem to think they have time for such nonsense.

Rallying college students, DeLay warns them about a 'disturbing liberal psychology'
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON - They may be done cramming for exams, but the hundreds of College Republicans who gathered in Washington this weekend are hardly done with their assignments.

At a hotel just a few miles from the White House, the College Republican National Committee kicked off its biennial convention with a roster of high-powered GOP speakers meant to rally the fresh-faced troops in advance of the 2006 midterm elections.

After all, the College Republicans are viewed as a critical part of the GOP's grass-roots stampede and, as always, the source for the next generation of Republican leaders.

The CRNC, which many call the Crank, has nearly 200,000 members nationwide and has raised $20.1 million since 2001.

In the 2003-04 election cycle, the group raised $12.8 million, ranking it 12th in the nation among so-called 527 groups, according to PoliticalMoneyLine, which tracks money in elections.

Drawing scrutiny
The group's fund raising has generated some scrutiny, with reports showing that a portion of the money was received from elderly donors who were pursued with misleading appeals.

Regardless of such troubles, the convention began Friday with a fiery speech from House Majority Leader Tom DeLay of Sugar Land, who arrived at the podium to a standing ovation.

In front of a banner reading, "We get the party started!", DeLay, like other speakers at the Friday event, rallied the young Republicans with harsh words about the Democrats.

"The trend isn't just about liberal rhetoric, it's about a disturbing liberal psychology," DeLay said. "A bizarre, knee-jerk reflex to assume the world's worst problems are America's fault."

DeLay also defended White House adviser Karl Rove, who came under fire for a New York speech he made Wednesday in which he accused "liberals" of wanting to "offer therapy and understanding for our attackers" after the Sept. 11, 2001, strikes.

DeLay said: "That is not slander, that is the truth."

Also speaking Friday to the College Republicans were former Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

T-shirts talk
But there was some levity at the convention.

The hordes of students mingling in the hallways during the speeches could buy T-shirts with pictures of Uncle Sam saying, "Only you can prevent political correctness!" and buttons saying, "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" or "I only sleep with Republicans."

The conference helped Jordan Brown, a 21-year-old Houstonian entering his senior year at Texas A&M University, decide whether to join the College Republicans when he gets back to school after finishing his summer internship in Washington.

He said: "I definitely am."

Friday, June 24, 2005

Tonight at the Rite Aid- Elton John

Weird Shit happens at the Rite Aid, Studio City.

So I am on my way to the Rite Aid tonight to pick up a few things.

Elton John speeds into the parking lot I must cross to get there.

He is driving himself (weird huh?) in a red Oldsmobile Allura with a "My other Car is an Enterprise Rent A Car" plate.

I wave, he waves. It's raining men.

But this is the thing. I get my stuff at Rite Aid and outside of the store is the panhandler guy asking for money. He's a good kid I have given him a buck or too, he;s missing a foot. When I see him buying stuff in the Rite Aid it is always something sensible like Water or food or something.

Tonight he is wearing an IPOD!!! A good one, a top of the line one, with flashing lights one.

I dont have an IPOD.

Screw that guy! Not because of his newfound ownership. But because I can't respect terrible marketing like that.

Who wants to give money to a footless homeless guy that has an IPOD! (A Good one!)

White House Insider blog?

Is it true or not?


Smells like crap, but I will sniff anyway.. maybe stick my finger into it.

Downing Street Memo Day 5

Taken from an interview with Karl Rove and George Bush.

Wolf Blitzer: Sir, John Conyers delivered to you the Downing Street Memo. Do you have any comments on it?

(The two men roll their eyeballs)

Karl Rove: Democrats are pussies.

Wolf Blitzer: Mr. President what is your response to the Downing Street Memo?

George Bush: What part of "Democrats are Pussies" do you not understand?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Downing Street Memo Day Four

So we march to the Document to White House and there are duplicate walks around the US. And now, I want to know what happened once they got to the White House.

I mean I can't even Find it on Raw Story.

If you listen very carefully you can hear the crickets chirping.


Nazi Yahtzee!


Who’s Calling Who a Nazi Today:

This is a good one to start with, until yesterday a Republican, Now a Democrat,

Cary, NC - A candidate for North Carolina Chief Justice of the North Carolina Supreme Court has announced on her campaign's blog that she is leaving the Republican Party and denounced the Bush administration's policy on troop withdrawal from Iraq. Rachel Lea Hunter, a Republican and a candidate for Chief Justice, likens Bush’s administration to the “Nazis” and says that all who disagree with the administration are being branded as “traitors.

(swiped from RAWSTORY.COM)

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Dodgers 6 Padres 4



Why Can't Everybody Just Be Like Us?

I would like to thank "Anonymous" and "Nadarama" for their spirited debate and hope that they will evolve into people who are more like us, as we are, according to a recent national poll, as close to the top of the evolutionary ladder that you can find. However, I do take issue with the fact that Nadarama thinks I'm "too serious." In fact, I'm making silly faces right now. And I mean REALLY REALLY silly faces. And I'm laughing. I'm guffawing. I'm light as a feather. I'm also hitting on your wives and making surprisingly easy headway. Who knew they would love evil infidels who make really really silly faces? I'm also wearing a hat shaped like a duck that says "MORE TEQUILA!" when you squeeze it. But in all seriousness, but not in all too seriousness, we welcome anyone, especially those who we immediatly rub the wrong way, who wish to express their opinions on this blog. Though it may not seem it sometimes, your views are always respected. So, fare thee well faithful adversaries, and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Downing Street - Day 3

Still no impeachment proceedings. GOP still upset Clinton getting more unpaid oral sex than they are. That would be HILLARY Clinton.


Score another one for the Sane Republican!

Go get em, Shays! Always good to see members of the House doing their jobs!

Lawmakers, Including Republicans, Criticize Pentagon on Disputed Billing by Halliburton
Kate Falkenberg/European Pressphoto Agency

Published: June 22, 2005
WASHINGTON, June 21 - Republicans joined longtime Democratic critics in Congress on Tuesday to berate the Pentagon for withholding information about the Halliburton Corporation's disputed billing under a $2.5 billion contract for Iraqi oil site repairs and fuel imports.
Saying the Pentagon is acting as if "it has something to hide,"

Representative Christopher Shays, Republican of Connecticut, said at a hearing that he would support issuing a subpoena to the Pentagon next week if the administration did not provide long-requested documents relating to the contract, which was awarded to Halliburton in early 2003 without competition.

Mr. Shays is chairman of the House Subcommittee on National Security, Emerging Threats and International Relations, which held the hearing.

The Party System Must End

It seems we are in trouble with someone named "Anonymous" for not liking Republicans. I look forward to seeing "Anonymous's" future comments on this blog condemning figures like Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Richard Melon Scaife for not liking "liberals." It is interesting to me that anytime someone on "the left" goes toe to toe with courageous "anonymous" right wingers, their reaction is to blow their top, shout obscenities, and tell us we will be "watched." Thank you comrade. I'm sure the "Justice" Department is way ahead of you on that one. But I, for one, will not be bullied by such tactics. Why should we be expected to always conform to the gentleman's rules of reasoned debate, when those who philosophically disagree immediately resort to threats and distortions. So at this time I would like to once again state my official position -- this is MY personal opinion and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Crackpot Press writers -- the two party political system does not work, is controlled and influenced by K street lobbyists working for their own interests and not that of the American public. Both sides of the aisle are equally complicit in the destruction of our representative democracy. The key to reforming the politicians is reforming the political system -- not voting for egomaniacal clowns like Ralph Nader. This would include the revoking of corporate personhood, removing private money from the political process, restoring the fairness doctrine, and making it a crime to libel rival candidates -- and that is just for starters. While those goals are slowly implemented, I will always support the men and women in Congress -- GOP or Democrat --whose voting records reflect what our Constitution calls "the general Welfare." George W. Bush and the junta that supports him are neither Republican, in the classic sense, nor Democrat. They are corporate lapdogs mortgaging the future of our country for immediate profit. They have driven us into a pointless war that 98% of the world's population protested against in the biggest global consensus achieved by the tiny brains of our destructive species in history. But still he did it. And Tony Blair -- of Labour mind you -- went right along. They, along with Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, should suffer the fate of other war criminals. The 108th and 109th Congress have done virtually nothing to promote "the general Welfare" -- their Constitutionally charged duty. Our judiciary became a joke the moment Bush vs. Gore was issued. That's 0-3. The Declaration of Independence says that powers of the government are derived from the consent of the governed. I refuse to give my consent to the Bush Administration. Not now, not ever. As the saying goes, the greatest sedition is silence.


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Downing Street - Day 2

Nope! Still no impeachment proceedings. I thought with all those honest GOPers in Congress who just absolutely can't stand a President who lies, they would be lining up to impeach the grand daddy of all liars, George W and his merry band of neo-con sado masochists. But I guess they really don't care about all that "A lie is a lie" stuff, they just impeached Clinton because they were angry he won two elections fair and square. The hypocricy of the right wing is so deep and poisonous they are like silly bombastic cartoon characters. They are little wind up toys who huff and puff when they don't get their way, but they really have no principles at all. Not a one. Except maybe Chris Shays. We like him.


Schwarzenegger Approval Ratings Sliding

It couldn't happend to a nicer meathead! You know why? Because when I'm in other parts of the country, I'm sick of people telling me how much they just love Ahhhnold, and how great they think it is that Ahhhnold is our Governor because they liked "TWINS." You know why they love him? Because they don't live here and have to watch as he tries to turn this place into Alabama (offense intended). Here is a little mathematical equation you can use in the future to solve the problem that is Ahhhhnold: BAD ACTOR = BAD GOVERNOR. Bring on the special election, Conan, you are going down in flames and I can't wait to dance on your grave. Have a nice day!


Animal Rights Extremism a Priority for FBI

Okay, once again, somebody please help me out here, because I feel like the U.S. government (you remember it -- the one by, for, and of the people) is one huge episode of PUNKED and any moment Ashton Kutner is going to emerge from the Capitol building and tell us the last five years were just one huge joke.

Porter Goss knows exactly where Osama bin Laden is hanging out and the FBI's priority is animal rights extremism? And Porter's excuse for not bringing that psycho bastard in and dumping him in the middle of Time's Square is that we have "respect for the sovereignty of other nations."

And he said it with a straight face. Iraq? Haiti? Venezuela? Panama? Grenada? (LOL) Argentina? Nicaragua? Etc, etc, etc...

But THE ONE *#^$%#%$$&#%@#^%# time that we shouldn't give one rat's posterior region about another nation's sovereignty is WHEN A MASS MURDERING FREAK WHO KILLED 25000+ OF OUR CITIZENS IS HIDING OUT THERE! Can I get a witness?

Who cares about a bunch of hippies assaulting supermodels in furs? Are they going to take down a skyscraper? I don't think so.



Monday, June 20, 2005

Downing Street - Day 1

That's the entire post -- Downing Street - which I will post every single day until the HAIC is impeached.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Help our Trops- Burn a CD

Today on the Johnny Wendell show in Los Angeles a troop in Iraq emailed him and said that he has lost all but three of his CD's.

Johnny suggests that you Burn a CD Mix and send it to:

Progressive Talk 1150
3400 W. Olive Ave. Suite 550
Burbank, CA 91505

They are putting together a package.

The guy likes Punk and Rock-A-Billy...but I am sure he has a few buddies who like all sorts of stuff. Make sure to do a song list and label it with a genre. I don't know PVT WALSH, but if he got a booty of killer CD's, Im sure he would share with his buddies.



The Light at the End of the Tunnel


Ooops! Bad choice of words. Code name changed for better PR:

March 2003
April 2003 - End of Major Combat Operations -- MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
May 2003
Operation Planet X
June 2003
Operation Peninsula Strike
Operation Desert Scorpion
Operation Scorpion Sting
Operation Spartan Scorpion
Operation Rifles Scorpion
Operation Sidewinder
July 2003 - Saddam Hussein's sons are killed
July 2003
Operation Soda Mountain
Operation Ivy Serprent
Operation Iron Bullet
Operation Tyr
August 2003
Operation Ivy Lightning
Operation Silverado
Operation Ivy Needle
September 2003
Operation Longstreet
Operation Tiger Clean Sweep
October 2003
Operation Industrial Sweep
Operation Chamberlian
Operation Sweeney
Operation O.K. Corral
November 2003
Operation Iron Hammer
Operation Eagle Curtain
Operation All American Tiger
Operation Ivy Cyclone
Operation Ivy Cyclone II
Operation Boothill
Operation Rifles Blitz
Operation Rifle Sweep
December 2003 - Saddam Hussein is captured
December 2003
Operation Bayonet Lightning
Operation Bulldog Mammoth
Operation Clear Area
Operaton Abilene
Operation Panther Squeeze
Operation Red Dawn
Operation Panther Backroads
Operation Ivy Blizzard
Operation Arrowhead Blizzard
Operation Iron Justice
Operation Rifles Fury
Operation Salm
Operation Devil Siphon
Operation Iron Grip
Operation Iron Force
Operation Choke Hold
January 2004
Operation Warhorse Whirlwind
Operation Iron Resolved
Operation Market Sweep
Operation Saloono
Operation Rock Slide
Operation Final Cut
February 2004
Operation Saber Turner II Operation Tomahawk
Operation Trailblazer
Operation Eagle Liberty 3
Operation Devil Clinch
Operation Rocketman
March 2004
Operation Iron Promise
Operation Shilleglah
Operation Devil Thrust
Operation Aloha
Opertion Centaur Rodeo
Operation Warrior
Operation Suicide Kings
Operaton Tiger Fury
April 2004
Operation Iron Saber
Operation Duke Fortitude
Operation Lancer Fury
Operation Lancer Lightning
Operation Vigilant Resolve
Operation Resolute Sword
Operation Danger Fortitude
Operation Rigger Sweeep
Operation Yellow Stone
May 2004
Operation Rapier Thurst
Operation Spring Clean-up
Operaton Striker Hurricane
Operation Wolfpack Crunch
Opearation Disarm
June 2004 - United States gives "sovereignty" back to Iraq
June 2004

Opertaion Giuliani
Operation Slim Shady
Operation Striker Tornado
Operation Rocketman III
Operation Dragon Victory
Operation Gimlet Crusader
July 2004
Operaion Gimlet Silent Sniper
Operation Outlaw Destroyer
Operation Haifa Street
Operation Mutual Security
Operation Tombstone Pile Driver
Operation Mayfield III
Operation Cobra Sweep
August 2004
Operation Showdown
Operation Grizzy Forced Entry
Operation Warrior Resolve
Operation Quarterhorse Rides
Operation Phantom Linebacker
Operation Cajun Mousetrap II
Operation Cajun Mousetrap III
Operation Iron Fury
Operation Iron Fury II
Operation Wolverine
Operation Clean Sweep
Operation True Grit
September 2004
Operation Black Typhoon
Operation Hurricane
Operation Hurricane II
Operation Iron Fist II
Operation Longhorn
October 2004
Operation Blue Tiger
Operation Baton Rogue
Operation Phantom Fury
Operation Bulldog
Operation Centaur Strike II
Operation Centaur Strike III
Operation Mandarin Squeeze
Operation Fallujah
Operation Dallas
November 2004
Operation al-Fajr (Dawn)/Phantom Fury (Fallujah)
Operation Plymouth Rock
Operation Tobruk
Operation Rock Bottom
December 2004
Operatoin Falcon Freedom
Operation Soprano Sunset
Operation Wonderland
Operation Powder River
Operation Triple Play
January 2005 - Iraqi Elections
January 2005

Operation Therapist
Operation Lanthonid
Operation Copperas Cove
Operation Checkmate
February 2004
Operation River Blitz
April 2004
Operation Fontana
May 2004
Operation Cobweb
Operation Matador
Operation Peninsula
Operation Squeeze Play
Operation Hudson
Operation New Market
Operation Lightning
June 2004
Operation Spear

CAA, a FULL service Agency

Hey it’s Friday and we like to lighten up a little.

Actors and CAA clients Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting hitched.

Tom’s marrying a B-list actress, sound familiar?

Though years of digging around in the Hollywood trenches and through a series of numerous random encounters, I came up with the following theory.

Tom and Nicole’s marriage ended on or about their tenth anniversary. It is my strong belief that CAA arranged this marriage. Both were CAA clients during the Ovitz days.

The trade off: Nicole beards for Tom for ten years and they make her a star.

Now Katie Holmes a B-list actress, also a CAA client, is marrying Tom Cruise.

Everything old is new again. Should Katie be shopping for Oscar Polish?

Let it go

Until Jesus Chirst himself descends from the heavens and tells the "culture of life" people to shut the hell up or he'll personally escort them to Circle Nine, they are just not going to let this die (yes, I chose that word on purpose). Here is the headline:

Probe Sought in Terri Schiavo 911 Call

Who is doing the probing? Why none other than Jeb "I'm Supposed to be President, Not Him" Bush. I don't want to be distasteful here, but I think Jeb has an unhealthy obsession with Terri bordering on necrophilia. Read this idiocy and weep for the future of Florida.

What do you mean you voted for Bush?

A radically liberal person that I know and respect admitted to me yesterday that he had voted for none other than George W. Bush in 2004. After I spit up my Bushmills on the nearest Catholic priest, I said, "GOOD GOD MAN WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU? OH THE HUMANITY!" He calmly responded that he voted for Bush so that he would own all his miserable failures. If Kerry had defeated Bush he would have inherited a polarized debt laden country involved in an unwinnable war of choice. In short, 4 years of Rush Limbaugh and his evil minions endlessly screaming that if G.W. had stolen, er -- I mean been given -- another four years everything would be roses and champagne. Instead, six months into the first year of his second term he's going down like the Hindenberg. He's one of the biggest lame ducks ever, and when people finally get the courage to look the Downing Street memos straight in the eye, his inglorious hatchet job of a Presidency will come to its inevitable bloody conclusion. The rationalizations coming from the extreme right for their extreme failures are getting to be so comical that they're better than a Seinfeld marathon. I love to watch them squirm and I'm not afraid to admit it. They will say and do anything to convince themselves that they are right. They will ignore all facts and evidence. They will foam at the mouth. Rush will start injecting Oxycontin (again). Yes, the right wing circus will soon be packing up its freak show and moving on to the next unfortunate town. The reign of Delay and Hastert is coming to an end. Yes, my left wing registered "independent" friend did the right thing. Bush must now own up to his long and undistinguished list of miserable predictable failures, and the roving bands of blind fools who supported him and his junta will collapse under the weight of their own political delusions. Bring on the mid-term Congressional elections! The reckoning has arrived. It's payback time.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Frist in his own words


Frist Lies to Matt Lauer
Majority Leader Bill Frist this morning on the Today Show:
LAUER: But when you stood on the floor and you said, She does respond, are you at all worried that you led some senators…
FRIST: I never said, She responded. I said I reviewed the court videotapes – the same ones the other doctors reviewed – and I questioned, Is her diagnosis correct?
Frist on Senate Floor,
I have looked at the video footage. Based on the footage provided to me, which was part of the facts of the case, she does respond.
More from Frist,
She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Kitty Killer AND Moron!

“I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office,” he said in a lengthy speech in which he quoted medical texts and standards. “She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli.” (emphasis added)

-- Doctor Bill "Kitty Killer" Frist on Terri Shiavo

Or she was BLIND you idiot! From what website did you get your medical degree, Doctor Dick?

Truth Comes out at the President's Dinner

Thank you Reuters

Schiavo Autopsy Shows No Sign of Trauma

Uh oh! What's a right wing nutcase to do when presented with yet more facts that are in direct contradiction to his/her absurd claims? Will they finally shut the hell up? Of course they won't. The pathology of convincing yourself of something that is not true is the cornerstone of organized religion, and the American Christian right is outstanding at organization. My predication is that an immediate and public vilification of the coroner will now commence.


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

U.S., Iraq Consider Amnesty for Insurgents

If that isn't an admission of failure, than what is? Somebody who supported this ridiculous charade from the beginning, please tell me how, exactly, we should interpret the consideration of amnesty for the insurgents? Does this mean that the vacuous "flypaper" theory is over now? Isn't the latest moronic GOP talking point "We need to finish the job and not stay there one day more than we have to?" (That is just a lie as far as I'm concerned. I guess we will not stay there one more day than needed, except for all those troops in our PERMANENT military bases).

Please, I'd like just one pro-Iraq war person to step forward and explain to me how this isn't the most bungled military operation in U.S. history and please include explanations for 1. allowing weapons to be looted when we went in there to find weapons (I still can't write that with a straight keyboard) and 2. how giving "amnesty" to the insurgents is going to help. What makes our military leaders think that amnesty is going to make these people say, "You know what -- I just don't care anymore that I'm under occupation and that my entire family was blown up by a 'smart bomb.' Or that my entire country has been sold to Western business interests and the most I could ever hope to attain in the new Iraq is to be a slave for an international oil company. I guess I'll just turn myself in." I have a solution to the problem of the insurgents -- leave the country.


The 9-11 Explosion

Allow me a few minutes with my tin foil hat.

Now, as you may have heard Hunter Thompson spent several days watching the 9-11 tapes.

Despite his affection for substances, he KNEW HIS EXPLOSIVES. After watching the tapes over and over again... he noticed smoking rising from the base of the twin towers. His theory was that there were explosives in the Towers and that made them fall, not the planes.

Unfortunately, we went won't know his real answer because he was having a casual conversation with his wife on the phone. Then put down the phone and shot himself without hanging up.

Which makes NO sense whatsoever.

NOW, TODAY this story comes out.

UPI Hears...By John DalyUPI International Correspondent
Washington, DC, Jun. 13 (UPI) -- Insider notes from United Press International for June 8

A former Bush team member during his first administration is now voicing serious doubts about the collapse of the World Trade Center on 9-11. Former chief economist for the Department of Labor during President George W. Bush's first term Morgan Reynolds comments that the official story about the collapse of the WTC is "bogus" and that it is more likely that a controlled demolition destroyed the Twin Towers and adjacent Building No. 7.

Reynolds, who also served as director of the Criminal Justice Center at the National Center for Policy Analysis in Dallas and is now professor emeritus at Texas A&M University said, "If demolition destroyed three steel skyscrapers at the World Trade Center on 9/11, then the case for an 'inside job' and a government attack on America would be compelling."

Reynolds commented from his Texas A&M office, "It is hard to exaggerate the importance of a scientific debate over the cause of the collapse of the twin towers and building 7. If the official wisdom on the collapses is wrong, as I believe it is, then policy based on such erroneous engineering analysis is not likely to be correct either. The government's collapse theory is highly vulnerable on its own terms. Only professional demolition appears to account for the full range of facts associated with the collapse of the three buildings."

Just something to think about,


It's good to be "the Thing"

Check out the new Fantastic Four Poster....

It's good to be THE THING

Happy Father's Day Boycott Ross

I am boycotting Ross.

I don't go there that much anyways, but they do have good deals on sneakers. I also got my laundry hamper there.

In any case, their new Father's Day campaign is CRAP! It is also strangely true.

It shows a Dad and his family playing around the pool and they are showing all these great things that you can get at Ross. You know the campaign- you can five things at Ross that would cost the same as one thing at Department Store.

The closing line "Dad will love his new stuff... ESPECIALLY WHEN HE GETS THE BILL!" inferring that you should charge all of Dad's new gifts on his Credit card.


Where's the breakfast in Bed like we did for Mother's Day?
How about a massage for Dad?
How about leaving Dad alone in a room with a six pack of beer, a large stack of Mad Magazines, 2 42" Plasmas armed with a PS2 and all the shows I have been wanting watch from the TiVo, but somehow "American Idol" and "Desperate Housewives" always seem to take precedence.

C'mon take care of Dad, he takes care of you.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Not Guilty

Once again we learn that if you are rich/famous/or politically powerful in America you will suffer no consequences for anything you do. You can cheat, lie, steal, murder, molest, con, or whatever else you like and there will be no repercussions of any sort. It doesn't matter what you do or how many people you affect. You will get off Scot free.

Molest multiple children? NOT GUILTY.
Murder your ex-wife and her friend? NOT GUILTY.
Murder your ex-wife in her car? NOT GUILTY.
Cook the books? NOT GUILTY.
Lie your country into an illegal war? NOT GUILTY.
Lie to Congress? NOT GUILTY.
Lie to the U.N.? NOT GUILTY.
Abu Gharib? NOT GUILTY.
If Saddam Hussein was American there is 0% chance he would be found guilty.

However, if you are dying of cancer and smoke pot prepare to be found guilty. A nation of laws my ass.


Support our Troops Burn a CD

The weekend, on the Johnny Wendell show in Los Angeles a troop in Iraq emailed him and said that he has lost all but three of his CD's. Johnny suggests that you Burn a CD Mix and send it to:

Progressive Talk
1150 3400 W. Olive Ave.
Suite 550 Burbank, CA

They are putting together a package. The guy likes Punk and Rock-A-Billy...but I am sure he has a few buddies who like all sorts of stuff. Make sure to do a song list and label it with a genre. Cheers!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Designer Vaginer?

Another dumb thing for women to blow their cash on..

Trust us... just show up! Then go get yourself some more shoes.. We don't pay any attention to those either.

Meet the Genitailor

Dr. Roy Jackson. Photo by Aleah Dunfield

What's that mean? Think, um, designer vaginas.

By Danielle Egan
Published: June 10, 2005
email this article print this story

“Designer vaginal surgery is on the cutting edge in terms of cosmetic surgery trends, no pun intended,” says Dr. Roy Jackson, a Vancouver obstetrician and gynaecologist who specializes in vaginal and vulvar cosmetic augmentation procedures. Jackson is taking a lunch-break with me before his afternoon appointment at the False Creek Surgical Centre: a combined tummy tuck and “laser vaginal rejuvenation.”

According to The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, these surgeries have become the hottest trend in the field, thanks largely to Dr. David Matlock of the LA-based Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute. He taught Jackson his techniques five years ago and is booked solid for the next six months “making things pretty.”

According to Matlock, the most popular surgeries are “liposculpting a mons pubis which is too fat,” laser-cutting “sagging or long labia majora,” injecting fat into the labia, tightening the vaginal passage to enhance a woman’s “sexual gratification” and even re-constructing hymens. It might sound like some kind of horror plot, but according to Matlock, “this is a no-brainer for women” who “want an overhaul.”

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Name one.

I would like any Republicans to come forth with a selfless or humane act the party has committed in the 20 years.

Can't use "Tear Down this wall" as W.'s trying to start it all up again.

Can't use "We gave em $300.... " cuz that's just plain lame and I used it on Car Insurance in two months.

Can't use "We lowered taxes" because... the average Joe can't afford property taxes

Can't use "we keep the world safe" cuz terrorism has jumped up 300% under your watch.

Can't use "Terry Schiavo" cuz you cut her medicaid.

You can use.. Dave benefits from Stem Cell reserch..

Oh wait... no you can't..

Gimme one... I want to understand.


What did he say?

"That's the issue before us. And that is whether or not we use taxpayers' money to destroy life..."

-- George W Bush

Only in the cesspool that is the conservative mind can you make statements like the one above regarding stem cell research, while spending 47% of the world's military expenditures in 2004 ($455 billion out of $1.04 trillion), while actively engaged in wars in Afghanistan & Iraq, coup d'etats or coup d'etat attempts in Haiti and Argentina, working on new "bunker buster" nuclear weapons, and figuring out a way to militarize space. All with taxpayer money.

Conservatives are the first to get all red and puffy in the face over welfare queens (remember that Reagan gem?). Welfare queens in Cadillacs! They just can't believe THEIR taxpayer money goes to some woman driving a Cadillac! But nothing on the absurd amounts of money we spend building weapons or give out to multi-billion dollar corporations. If, and that's a big if, the human race survives the 21st Century American slaughterhouse historians will scratch their heads and wonder how we ever made it.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


This is a continuation of a blog entry by Crackpot several posts ago. Here are my stats:

NUMBER OF BOOKS THAT I OWN: This is quite simply not possible to answer. I have most of my books -- four huge overflowing bookshelves full -- but some are still at my parent's house in (GULP!) the South. That's right. I'm from the South which means I get free reign to say whatever the hell I want about it. But I digress.

LAST BOOK THAT I BOUGHT: There are two places I try not to enter -- strip clubs and book stores. Both types of establishments drain my bank account, except when I leave a book store I don't look like a circus freak. However, my most recent purchase is Will Durant's THE STORY OF PHILOSOPHY. I like to read that kind of stuff and toss out gems about epistemology and metaphysics (blech!) at Hollywood parties just to see the bimbos look up from their rails with that quizzical expression that says "I may be stupid, but you'll never touch me." It also reminds me of one of the all time greatest Neil Simon lines. It's from MAX DUGAN RETURNS. Jason Robards tells Matthew Broderick that when his grandfather was on his deathbed that he made him (Robards) promise to tell his grandson (Broderick) to go to college and major in philosophy. BRODERICK: Can you make any money in philosophy? ROBARDS: If you have the right one.



Technically its non-fiction, but I leave its actual category up to the individual reader. Think WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW? but multiplied by a google. Whatever is true or pure fantasy this was one hell of a read. If you don't think your normal after reading this then send me your phone number.

Five books is not enough so I'm listing ten. These aren't necessarily my favorite books (though most are) and I do not necessarily place them above other works. But for one reason or another, their influence on me makes up a part of what makes me the happy go lucky sociopath that I am today.

In alphabetical order by title

ALL THE KING'S MEN by Robert Penn Warren

One of the greatest Southern novels ever written, All the King's Men is based on the larger than life American politician Huey Long, the controversial socialist Governor of Louisiana from 1928- 1932. This book is all you will ever need to know about American politics. Forget that "I'm a Bill, I'm Just A Bill" stuff. This is how the whole ugly affair really operates and its no different now then when this story takes place. The prose is so magical I don't even know where to start. It was made into a film in 1949 and it won the Academy Award for Best Picture. Not too shabby.

CYBERIA by Douglas Rushkoff

I'm fascinated by the evolution of American subculture and there is no other book which more colorfully describes the convergence of many separate sub culture influences in the 1980's and 1990's. Nobody else writes about these kinds of subjects with more respect and clarity than Rushkoff. In Cyberia he seamlessly connects the 60's counter culture, computer technology (blogs anyone?), raves, and new age philosophies. The stories of the people you meet in this book are astounding in their bold weirdness. All the books listed here changed my inner life, but Cyberia changed my outer life. It drew me to wonderful places I will always remember.

by Dante Alighieri

God bless the Italians. They didn't invent heaven and hell but they sure did perfect it. For example: The pizza from San Travaso in Venice (Heaven). The showers in Italy (Hell). Paradiso, Purgatorio, and The Inferno cannot be described, they can only be read. One day we will live in Florence (oh yes we will) and every day I will go to Dante's grave and drink a bottle of Barbaresco and I will be happy.

GENERATION X by Douglas Coupland

In the big bloody drama that is my head, Douglas Coupland lives next door to Dostoevsky because of Generation X. I just recently reread it and found even more brilliance and honesty in it than the first five times I read it. Coupland has never reached the Parthenon of American letters, but years from now this will be my generation's Great Gatsby. Wedged between the cannibalism of the Baby Boomers and the shockingly shallow generation Y, X is small and forgotten. But we will rule the world, oh yes we will. All in good time, all in good time.


What's a Jungian trapped in a Freudian body to do? I think Dr. Jung's reputation as a Crackpot precedes him. What was this guy smoking? WOW. If he wasn't some kind of freakish super genius he certainly would have been incarcerated. My kind of psychologist -- crazy.

by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Sometimes you read something and say to yourself "That is me" and nothing else you ever touch comes as close to describing your inner life. Unfortunately, that something for me is the grandfather of existential philosophy -- the ground breaking and mind shattering Notes from the Underground by "Russia's evil genius" Fyodor Dostoevsky. Warning: Not summer/beach reading.


I know, I know. The Odyssey is an epic poem, not a book. But all things must bow to it. This is the one that did it. This is the one that broke it all out for me. This is the one that changed me instantly -- and not for the better mind you. The thinking man's life is nothing to boast about. But enough about me and you, let's talk about Homer for a second. I have it on good authority that during one performance of his masterpiece he bit the head off a live bat. No lie. Read once a year, best in spring.


James Joyce, that son of a bitch, is so talented that it's probably best never to pick up a book by him lest you will forever banish yourself to the ranks of the mediocre. The best thing to do is pretend that he's an alien from some other planet and you're just fortunate enough to get a good translation. This book taught me that the absolute worst thing you could possibly do with your life is be a writer. So that's exactly what I did, and I pay for that decision with my dignity every single day. I don't blame Joyce though. He's an alien! He knows not what he does to us mere mortals.

TOM SAWYER by Mark Twain

There is nobody I admire more than Mark Twain. He was fearless and funny. Tom Sawyer is a classic for so many reasons, but my personal reason for including it on this list is that it was the "doorway drug" that led me to all the rest of Twain's works. Of course I haven't read half of half of his prolific writings but I will. Oh yes I will.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY by Arthur C. Clarke

A boy needs to dream every now and then.


THE BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA by Katherine Paterson

I don't know why I still think about this kid's book all the time. I have no idea how old I was when I read it. Very young. I guess I've always liked tragedy. Is that a bad thing?


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Getting your virgin on!

So let's say you a 36 year old male running a low budget website in Los Angeles. Strangely enough, the babes are not falling over as they once did when you were an assistant to studio head.

Or in shape.

Sadly, you suddenly realize you have reclaimed your virgninity. Thanks Dr. Phil!

Perhaps it's time for you check out the hottest new looks for abstinence crowd care of Bob Jones University.

I believe Bob Jones University has also banned that phrase's "That's hot" and "Want to go get a Spicy $6 burger?"

$1000 Reward For Getting Bush to Answer Downing Street Minutes

From Moxiegrrl:

On Friday we asked the members of to support our campaign to demand a
Congressional investigation of Bush's Iraq War lies, as exposed by the Downing Street Minutes.Thanks to the generosity of our members, we raised nearly $1,000 in one day!We are therefore offering a REWARD OF $1,000 to anyone who can get George W. Bush to answer this question:

In July 2002, did you and your administration "fix" the intelligence and facts about non-existent Iraqi WMD's and ties to terrorism - which were disputed by U.S. intelligence officials - to sell your decision to invade Iraq to Congress, the American people, and the world - as quoted in the Downing Street Minutes?

Here are the rules:* If you get a YES or NO answer from George W. Bush to this question, you will win a reward of $1000*

If you get a substantive answer from Mr. Bush to this question that does not include a clear YES or NO, you will win a reward of $500*

If you pose the question directly to Mr. Bush in public, and have video proof that he heard the question, and he does not answer the question at all, you will win a reward of $100*

This contest is open to everyone in the world - a journalist, blogger, politician, adult, or student, either American or not* The reward is payable upon uploading the video, audio, or signed letter in as an attachment in a reply to this blog entry*

To qualify for the reward, you must join this community with your real name and mailing address. (Your login does not have to include your name.) Rewards will be sent to this name and address.* The uploaded video, audio, or signed letter becomes the exclusive property of* The contest ends after the first confirmed YES/NO answer

So get out those cameras!

Monday, June 06, 2005


TO: Crackpot
From: Greg

Shattering Rose Colored Glasses, a blog acquaintance, has shaihai'ed me into participating in some unspeakable blogging ritual that my tender pink ears had to this moment been unsullied by it's mention. Canada, a thin ribbon of settlement set against vast unknown wildness full of oozing things and beavers, is home to many a strange custom.

So write about books jagoff,

Greg, Bastard of Arts and Commerce (read Greg's list, it's better than mine)

How can one refuse such a warm invitiation, so here it goes.

Number of Books that I own:
I move a lot, I have had twelve apartments in 15 years. Books are heavy. So I am guessing I am in the two hundred or so range.

Last Book I Bought The Paris Review Book: of Heartbreak, Madness, Sex, Love, Betrayal, Outsiders, Intoxication, War, Whimsy, Horrors, God, Death, Dinner, Baseball, Travels, the Art of Writing, and Everything Else in the World Since 1953 Edited by George Plimpton . I like the whole concept of this book. It’s about 1000 pages of Short poems, essays and interviews by pretty much every great writer of the the last 50 years. It's conveinent way in this busy world to keep up the facade of intellectual superiority. I’m sure I will never read them all, but I like the option to.

Last book(s) I read:
"A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Accounts one man's journey into rehab. At first I thought it was some good interesting work told in a staccato excessible style. After finishing it, I realized it was just a tale of some punk, asshole rich kid who does all these really awful things then gets away with it because he makes friends with a Tony Soprano type in rehab. Here's a spoiler: All the rich people get beyond their addicitions, all the poor people die.

Also two short books I recently acquired from GENIUS Los Angeles Indie Writer, David Howard, at the Los Angeles Festival Times Festival of Books; "Blondes and Other Phobias" and "Crackpot Press Volume 1:Fiction+Opinion=Fact; or Does it?" some of these selections can be read on my ... ( er, I mean "his") website

Five Books that mean a lot to me:
"All Too Human" by George Stephanopolis

There are two reason why I like this one. The first is that it is a good somewhat honest look into the Clinton White House pre-Monica. But the more fascinating aspect is George S's unintentional self-journey into his own ego which becomes enormous by the end of the book. Wanna see someone to go from idealistic young man to star fucker?? This is the book for you!

"Paper Lion" by George Plimpton
Based on his own experiences, skinny white boy George Plimpton goes undercover to play Quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Great stuff.

Sometimes You are So Alone, It Just Seems to Make Sense
by Charles Bukowski
Cuz it's fricking Bukowski!! Good collection of some really devasting work... a good "drunk in the tub" read!

”The Real Inspector Hound” by Tom Stoppard. I first read it as a Junior in a pretty “controlled” boarding school in St. Louis. I suddenly realized …. “Hey…there aren’t rules to anything.. you can write anything you want!!!”

“Without Feathers" by Woody Allen... Pre-screenwriting stuff where he gets to show off his real genius. Then he became a pruny, creepy old man.. (The kiss with Tia Leoni in "Hollywood Ending" is just plain gross.)

Honorable Mention:

"The Bible"... what a load of crap... I do like to underline the sexy parts though.
"Will" by G. Gordon Liddy I read this in the 8th grade, the guy IS a baddass and now I know how to kill a man with a sharpened pencil should the need ever arise.


Friday, June 03, 2005

Where is the outrage?

With all the bleak news coming out of Iraq and Washington D.C. suffering from severe cognitive dissonace, sometimes we forget to think about the important things. And when I say "important" what I mean by that is "one of the few things that give men the will to live." Once again the dark puritan spirit that lives just beneath the surface of our teetering-on-the-edge-of- ruin-society has infiltrated the natural realm with the intention of sucking the joy out of life and spitting it into our faces. It is shocking and simply unacceptable reports like these that test one's stamina and resolve in the face of a merciless enemy who "hate our freedoms." What a sad day it is when we must go to Canadian newspapers to disover the creeping oppression taking place in our own country. I, for one, refuse to let the children of the world grow into a future where the things we hold so dear are the victims of ruthless smear campaigns and Victorian age repression. As the Latins use to say -- In păpilla veritas. (The Latins! -- I slay me!).


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Go Get 'Em Gordo!

Nixon aides condemn 'Deep Throat' for betrayal

Wed Jun 1, 6:23 AM ET

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Aides to the late president Richard Nixon have said that former
FBI' name deputy director Mark Felt, unmasked as the anonymous Watergate source known as "Deep Throat," had breached professional ethics by leaking information.

G. Gordon Liddy, a Nixon operative who engineered the 1972 break-in at the Democratic National Campaign headquarters in the Watergate building in Washington, and served four and a half years in jail for it, said Wednesday that Felt "violated the ethics of the law enforcement profession."

"If he possessed evidence of wrongdoing, he was honor-bound to take that to a grand jury and secure an indictment, not to selectively leak it to a single news source," Liddy, now a popular conservative radio talk show host, told CNN television.

So Liddy is pissed off at the guy who put him jail? How bout that?

Read what he said again ""violated the ethics of the law enforcement profession."

Isnt a planned break in "violating the ethics of the law enforcement profession."

Just remember in his book "WILL" Liddy was left alone in a room with squealer John Dean. His intially thoughts were to take the sharpened pencil on the the desk shove it through the bottom of his chin and then scramble his brain with it.

Liddy..Super Cop!

Iraq Concerned U.S. May Leave Too Soon

UNITED NATIONS - "Iraq's foreign minister said he's concerned the United States may pull out of the country before the army and police are ready to take responsibility for the nation's security."

And this year's wheat crop will be the best ever! The propoganda is getting to be so lame I can hardly stomach it. If you're going to rule by deception at least TRY. Let's see what we got here, shall we?

First, Iraq's foreign minister is one of our puppets. If we want him to dance, he will dance. If we want him to sing, he will sing. If we want him to issue absurd statements like the one above, he will do so. If he steps out of line, he will be removed and forgotten. That's realpolotik.

Second, it is clear that the United States is not ready to take responsibility for Iraq's security, or we wouldn't be involved in this "Vietnamization" redux in the first place. If the occupying army can't maintain security I don't see how anyone with half a brain can think that Iraq security forces can.

Third, Iraq security forces are operational for one reason and one reason only -- to keep American soliders away from the bullets. They are our cannon fodder. If we cared one iota about their fate we wouldn't be tossing them on to the front lines with poor training and inadequate equipment. We didn't care if they died by sanctions and we sure as hell don't care if they die by suicide bomber. We barely care about our own American troops.

Fourth, it is against the teachings of the Islamic faith to accept an occupying army. Iraq's foreign minister lives in a U.S. sponsored security bubble. I doubt very highly that the "man on the street" is concerned that we will pull out too early.

Fifth, we're not leaving, and anybody who thinks we're leaving is a fool. And anyone who believes any statements suggesting that we're leaving, or that there are a set of conditions which, once met, will initiate a withdrawal is a fool. And anyone who believes we're there to promote "freedom" and "democracy" is a fool.

We're building massive permanent military bases. Those oil fields are ours. Iraq is our fifty-first state and will sit in the Middle East like an American Death Star until we've sucked every drop of black gold out of the desert. The delusional warmongers in Washington D.C. will send as many soldiers, like the one discussed in the post below, into the killing fields for as long as it takes to guarantee that their free market Empire remains afloat until that day.

Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari -- set your concern aside. We're not going anywhere. Unless, that is, we withdraw in defeat and disgrace like Israel from Lebanon or the former Soviet Union from Afghanistan. But that doesn't make very good propoganda does it?