Thursday, July 28, 2005

Taxing on Jacking

The Porn Tax is the smartest thing that has come along in taxes a while. It adds a tax to consumers who regularly pay for porn on the internet. You could say it's double headed dildo of all take increases. So all those folks with the web cams would have to raise prices a buck. The Porn Industry is screaming like a Anal-DP.

Porn Guys.. Let me tell ya something. For the same video shot on a palmcorder using students from San Fernando Valley Junior College on some couch you found for budgeted at $500 you can charge $5, $10 or $20 and your buy rates will stay the same.

People LIKE Porn and will continue to buy it. No matter the Price.
We tax smokes, We tax booze, We tax Ronco's hand crank vibrating sphincter massager.

I think it's high time we started taxing some hot amateur girl on girl action.

I'd pay a dollar for that.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Space Shuttle launch is FAKED!

As most of you know I have a PHD in astrophysics from Cal Tech University, after receiving my Engineering Degree at Stanford.

Furthermore, I have served such companies as Boeing, NASA and Industrial Light and Magic. The two former in designing Space Shuttles, the latter as a consultant in accuracy.

Today's launch was faked. It didn't happen. It's obviously some kind of ploy for the Bush administration to show some kind of success or comeback in their failed presidency.

Here are some things I noticed.

1. From television you can obviously see the wingspan doesn't fit to scale of the Challenger. According to our measurements the Challenger would be the size of 1500 Football stadiums.

2. The right catalytic mysophia in the pictures that I have seen is an artifact that has not been used in aerospace engineering since the mid 1960's. What should have been in there is the new "trisection myspohia" developed by myself and other in Berlin in 1998. You can look it up at the Nasa website. The part code is PT-75694J-L and can easily be looked up. The two parts look absolutely nothing alike.

3. I recently received a memo from a High-Ranking friend in the CIA.

Here is a segment:

It looks as if we are going to pull this thing off after all, we could not fix the problems encountered last week. However, the Commander is getting is getting TONS of heat, so we have to do something.

Thanks for the ILM info.

4. There is an external camera somewhere in space taking a picture of this shuttle, obviously a Government run satellite is the only one who can take a picture. The then inserted a Lucas film Model picture. To make matters worse near the filijetometer under the starboard wing YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE a small Lucasfilm Logo. These types of fun pranks are often used by graphic artists to amuse themselves.

5. There is no "Tommy John" joint (named for the famous pitchers surgery) in the cargosity minora. This is required in order to have any kind of successful launch.

Once again, we have been conned.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The New INXS show

I saw the New "Be our Lead Singer" INXS Show.

They had some tatted redhead named "Butterfly Girl" warble through "IF it makes you Happy" by Sheryl Crow.

She bombed.

She didn't get it. Why? Because the song is about a woman "Who doesn't get it"

"I still get stoned, not the kinda girl you take home" She understood that part. How hard is it to get stoned and not want to meet someone's parents? Shit I don't want to be around anyone's parents in that situation.

There is a gal who sings in the bar down the street named Summer (Oh I guess I should do a real plug.. The Jaegermaestros.. Fox and the Hound Pub.. Vineland and Ventura)
that does a version of this song somewhat wasted every weekend that makes you just want to smell her hair and tell her it will all be okay.

I think the Chrissie Hynde (the sexiest ugly woman ever) version is the best recorded... Summer's version-- kick it's ass.

When performed correctly this tune is tragic and classic. Like most of Sheryl Crow's tunes people see the Happiness... it's the theme song of every gal who has worked at the Stargarden. More on the Stargarden at a later date.

Let's reveiw:

I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up

(Chrissie Hynde/Summer Version: Well o.k. I may get stoned, I promised you, I would never be alone)

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you french toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home (CP Note: oh I'd take ya home.. but not my folks place)


We've been far, far away from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos
And everywhere in between
Well, o.k. we get along
So what if right now everything's wrong?


It's not enough to hit the notes on this.. go back to high shcool play in Missoura. It's like the guy I used to know who always wanted to be in "Grease" because he liked the jacket.

We all want to wear the jacket... but we don't want the life the comes with "wearing the jacket".

Hitting the notes doesn't mean you can wear the jacket.

Why is Michelle Malkin popular?

Why is Michelle Malkin popular? Or considered good?

I'm mean there isn't too much writing going at her site. And she has to link away for the "good stuff"

She links to Maureen Dowd's coloumn about her mother passing away over the weekend. Which is a really touching piece. Then sends some an asskissy condolence message. My guess is that these are the ONLY kind words Michelle has ever said to Maureen.

Same ole Repub hypocrisy. I'm sure if the NYT would pay Michelle a couple of bucks more she would switch sides immediately. But then she wouldn't be the only Asian allowed on Fox News.

Today her top stories include New Karl Rove Mugs what a fantastic idea.

We can now celebrate public enemy #2 (treason is a pretty high crime) with a cup of Joe ( along with a secret ingredient I like to call 'Safeway Single Malt'... Just like Karl has with his breakfast).

Like Public Enemy #1 (Osama Bin Ladin... why does Fox News keep mispelling (Usama) his name?... must be that home schooling) the Bush administration has NO interest in arresting friends of the family.

If you think about the Bush Klan has more ties to Bin Laden than Sadaam did. It's been nearly 1303 days since 9-11 and they can't find him anywhere. Not even close...

I would really think Bush would be less of a failure if he at least TRIED to be selfless.

AGAIN, I challenge the conservatives to put forth reasons as to why this loser inspires you. I have asked this question NUMEROUS times an still no answers.

In other news,

There has been a scare here in Hollywood not been seen since the the last mad cow disease thing.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Elaine Youngs

Rachel Wacholder has been getting a lot of attention lately. Her partner, Bronze Medalist Elaine Youngs, a vet of the beach hasn't been getting as many props.

She does deserve them. Rachel is the new kid on the block (very talented player) and everyone loves a new flavor.. so there has been some bandwagoning.

You have to remember that EY is the solid foundation here.

At yesterday's Hermosa Beach open. EY's seemed a little off, initially, in the final four match vsTyra Turner and Makare Wilson, then she just turned up the steam. It was like she just flicked a "fire up and focus" switch. EY did some truly amazing work including this weirdo freak from the knees" backwards dig that landed right were it was supposed to.

It was one of the most amazing digs I had seen.

Sure it was a freak shot and these things happen.

Then she did again, then one more time after that.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Rachel Wacholder Weaver

It just rolls right off the tongue. See you in Hermosa Beach!


Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The AVP Hermosa Beach Open (Pro Beach Volleyball)

This week has been a real turd in politics. There is simply nothing going on.


This weekend is the GREATEST SPORTS WEEKEND of the YEAR!


A lot of so called intellectuals forget why they became intellectuals..

It was for the competition.

Will the crack upstarts of ELAINE YOUNGS AND RACHEL WACHOLDER once again steal the crown from Kerri "Getting Cockier Everyday, I am 27 and over-privileged" Walsh and the Misty "Got Room for another Tattoo over here" May? Kerri played like ASS in ASSOHIO (whatacoincidence.. I understand John Kerry doesn’t go over well there either) and couldn't even face the cameras afterwards...

After winning a GOLD MEDAL, that's sad.

Will the Linquidst sisters finally get that final four bid they have always deserved?

Will Angie Ackers and Holly McPeak kick ass-tribution on Rachel and Elaine?

Perhaps Nancy Mason will get on a roll...

They all rule...

But I digress,

My deepest thought is that two people slugging is what inspires me and effects my everyday life. The AVP has always represented to me that the only thing at stake (or is important) are bragging rights.

Like other Olympians, a few of the AVP star athletes make a living off of it. Most of them are teachers and cocktail waitresses (despite their USC, Stanford and CAL degress) during the week (note: I didn't say "the off season")

In the AVP I see tenacity,
I see spirit,
I see teammates slapping hands when they lose a point.
I see teammates encouraging each other.
I see teammates giving it a shot regardless that May/ Walsh dominate the sport.
I see handshakes after the game (ya'know, like in little league)
I see comrades; Uber Alles.
I see respect.
I see a team.

It's not that they look hot in their uniforms...(I mean.. they do.. all of them...but I can find something beautiful about any woman)

What is truly sexy is their spirit.

Spirit is sexy.
Believing is sexy.
Giving Someone a HI-Five and a slap on the butt after a fuckup... it's sexy.

I see everything that sports (and for that matter.. "life") is supposed to be about in the AVP.

I haven't read any papers or nothing... Did Bush pick someone?

Who gives a shit, I crave to be inspired.

The AVP can do that, the White House can’t.

-Dave (CP)

You can watch the AVP on Saturday or Sunday at 1:00 on NBC.

Or better yet, just come down to Hermosa…

The Clinton Years and the conservative press.

Ya know so much has changed the Drudge Report posted this picture…

Bush poses with the 2005 Champion Lacrosse Team at the White House, says “Congratulations.”

Clinton did the same thing except the Drudge Caption was:

"Clinton poses with athletic, lesbian college girls, says 'How YOU doin? Can I watch some hot lesobo action?"

Such hypocrisy.

Just to be fair, the article did note that one girl wore not one but two thongs and a pearl necklace.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Drudge Likes Porn Dollars!

Faced with a huge drop in Ratings:
Drudge Report FORCED to use Porn Advertising

I regularly check out the Drudge Report, the right wing newsite with a deep love of Michael Jackson.

Drudge himself is quite the conservative rock. Headlines twist the truth on a daily basis to fit his agenda. You may recall his bashing of Chris Rock when he was named as host for the Academy Awards. He deemed Chris Rock too tasteless . Just yesterday he chastised Sen John McCain for being a movie with boobies in it!

He was The King when he exposed the Clinton Stain spread uponst the Old Navy. However, the public winds have shifted away from poor old Matt in Favor of wittier, hipper news sites such as WONKETTE and GAWKER. A simple poke around at the will prove this... I can't even find him.

Yet I have been noticing something quite odd. With his wide array of pop up windows for AMEX, "Take This Quiz" and Carnival Cruises, a trend has emerged.

Lots of PORN POP-UPS. That's right, PORN! PORN! PORN!

The King of Conservative values know has now added such classics as "Adult Friend Finder" and "1000's of Live Amateur Girls" for his advertising. Big Graphic SEXY pictures that look great when your boss suddenly checks up on you!

So SCRATCH (not in a self-pleasing way) the "Drudge Report" off of the "Safe for Work" and "Safe for my Kids" bookmark list.

It's amazing what the far right will do when they are desperate. I am sticking with “foul-mouthed skanks” (an actual review from Michelle Malkin) like Wonkette and Gawker, they may like to talk about some pretty crude (yet hilarious) things… but at least my boss won’t think I am jacking off at work.


P.S. Emails to Drudge were not returned. Well, I really didn't send seemed pointless.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Are you there God? It's me, Harry Potter

Now don'tcha ya think that the Pope might spend his time better on, say, finding Child Molesting Priests rather than Ficticious Teen Magis?

Pope Opposes Harry Potter Novels - Signed Letters from Cardinal Ratzinger Now Online

RIMSTING, Germany, July 13, 2005 ( - has obtained and made available online copies of two letters sent by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who was recently elected Pope, to a German critic of the Harry Potter novels. In March 2003, a month after the English press throughout the world falsely proclaimed that Pope John Paul II approved of Harry Potter, the man who was to become his successor sent a letter to a Gabriele Kuby outlining his agreement with her opposition to J.K. Rowling's offerings. (See below for links to scanned copies of the letters signed by Cardinal Ratzinger.)

As the sixth issue of Rowling's Harry Potter series - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - is about to be released, the news that Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger expressed serious reservations about the novels is now finally being revealed to the English-speaking world still under the impression the Vatican approves the Potter novels.

In a letter dated March 7, 2003 Cardinal Ratzinger thanked Kuby for her "instructive" book Harry Potter - gut oder böse (Harry Potter- good or evil?), in which Kuby says the Potter books corrupt the hearts of the young, preventing them from developing a properly ordered sense of good and evil, thus harming their relationship with God while that relationship is still in its infancy.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The real question

The real question is "Who Would Play Karl Rove in the movie?"

Obviously, we would have to "Warren Beatty" him up. I think I have come up with it.

It's the only real choice, their careers mirror each other...Such brillance in overlong career.

The Actor who who brought my to tears as "Mr. Elliot" in "The American Success Company"
The Actor who made "Gene Mullen" so approachable, yet God Like in "Friendly Fire"
The Actor who understood the threat to America as "Mr. Ollie" in "Attack on Terror: The FBI vs. the Ku Klux Klan"
The Actor who made everyman feel the complexity that is pain as "Bobby Trippe" in "Deliverance."

Karl, may want to get prepared for this...SO!

Here is the reveal...Warren Beatty wasn't available so we went with the next best thing. Women love good jowles.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

On Vacation

We're on a well deserved Vacation until Next week.

Giles is off to enjoy some quality time at Fenway Park.
Im staying in Los Angeles, sleeping in and watching Volleyball at the beach.

Hope you are doing something cool.

Need some Reading?

Check out


and the rest of our gang of misfits in the sidebar!

See ya on Monday!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Who am I? Why am I here?

The man who gave us some of the best lines ever in a Vice-Presidetial debate has passed away.

Who can forgot this classic?

Mr. Stockdale: What is your position on Abortion?

Stockdale: What happens in a woman's body is her business. Period.

(Long Pause.)


Followed by a long ovation.

Dan Quayle had no comeback.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

L-8 Sucked.

I watched part of Live-8.

Live-8 sucked. MTV continues to suck.

The first act in Philly was the Black-Eyed Peas. Of course, MTV decided to interview some sorority chick who is now "Very aware" of the crisis in Africa. I image like her righty counterpart is "Very Aware" of the Iraq war, she will not be visiting anytime soon. Due to this in-depth interview with "No one" I missed the first few minutes of the Black Eyed Peas, who were actually quite good.

Bono and Paul McCartney sounded like the two creaking dinosaurs they are barely being able croak out "Sgt Peppers." Uh nothing like starting the show off with a bang.

Green Day continues the most popular suckfest career of any Bay Area rock band of a popoular nature. First of all, this self indulgent "intelligent punk" thing must stop now. Punks aren't smart people. They rock. Now shutthefuckup and play something good. bY "GOOD" I mean dont try and cover a Freddy Mercury song. Freddy Mercury had one of the most stellar operatic rock voices ever. Your whiny weak poseur ass shouldn't even try to attempt it. You don't cut. But once again, you need to be self important.

Green Day, YOU SUCK!

That's all I saw of the show.

It's a long weekend I had stuff to do.

Friday, July 01, 2005

How to get Financed

Hire a Big Wig Repub to Run Your Company.

It's a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood
Congress Votes to Restore $100 Million to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting
Statement by Eli Pariser, Executive Director of
We are delighted that we were able to help restore some of the cuts made to NPR and PBS. members sent in more than 1 million comments and made more than 40,000 calls to tell Congress to save Big Bird and Mr. Rogers. We are glad to have helped protect such an important service.