Friday, March 31, 2006
I am shocked that the media has pounced on and twisted Jill Carroll's words "I was treated Well"
What is the definition of "I was treated well" when being taken hostage?
She had a shower, toilet and food.
This is a woman who lives with Iraqi's which is a whole different world. But she understands and speaks the language and embraces the lifestyle.
On average 10 people a day are taken hostage in Iraq. She knows what happens to hostages.
If she was treated better than the average contestant on "Survivor" she's more than breaking even.
In a world of $35 dollar haircuts for men and $100 a month cable bills, perhaps we have lost touch. Maybe we have forgotten what "well" means.
Maybe these people have relatives who know where her folks live.
Most Americans "don't get" the culture of Iraq. I don't. I don't "get" the culture of Beverly Hills (I live nearby) either. We haven't been there, we don't know. Is it possible that Jill Caroll, who has emersed herself in the culture of Iraq, needs to choose her words carefully?
She was treated well. Compare it to Nick Berg. Compare it to Todd Beemer. What is "well"?
In any case, Jill has gone through a test that none of us could even imagine.
And for that she is a heroic figure. We should all wish that we could keep it together under those circumstances. To go through what she has gone through takes an amazing amount of fortitude.
But to demonize her is just wrong.
Here are some intial thoughts I had on her.
I hope that we all step up when it is time to step up.
Also, if you know of a blog based in one of these cities, let me know.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Short on time, so here my bit for the day.
I know you come here for HARDCORE GANGBANG news and AMATEUR op-ed pieces. But like all bloggers (and apparantly CNN) I always enjoy a little extra attention.
So here is a shameless SPRING BREAK story about a WILD non COLLEGE GIRL that may generate some higher ratings.
Yes it's a sham, but for those of you who want to read about
the NAKED BRITNEY SPEARS statue...
It could also be refered to as the NUDE BRITNEY SPEARS statue.
or BRITNEY SPEARS SEX TAPE if it was SEX TAPE rather than a statue.
There are no pictures of the NAKED BRITNEY SPEARS statue in this article. Oh and the statue is an "idealization" of her giving birth.
Beat that Drudge!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Well it looks like Bush FINALLY fired someone.
But Andrew Card? Except for Bush himself he probably has the least amount of descision making ability in the White House.
But here are some quotes from Card.
"I look forward to being George's Friend" and then he wept.
Yes, wept. A good friend of mine once had a real maniac tyrannical boss many years ago but would never cry in front of him. She would simply go to the bathroom and let it fly.
But yes, Andrew Card WEPT on camera, in front of his boss. He must be a hoot a weddings.
In 2001 when I got laid off, along with most of Northern California, there was no CRYING, on camera. In fact it was time for a month of Vacation for the Bush Admin.
Like Andrew will do, I just filed for unemployment, blew all my savings on an outrageously overpriced apartment (For the Mid-Westerners..avert your eyes. $2200 a month for 2 bedroom one bath with neither parking or dishwasher), eventually gave up and moved onto the floor of my pal's one bedroom in North Hollywood and sold myself into the world of Porn Accounting.
Andrew... I've been there... and you have a friend. And your friend has a couch that folds out.
Andrew, this one's for you!
Also remember your momma will always think you are cool.
Get her some Mothers Day Flowers
Monday, March 27, 2006
Also I was at 200 to 500 thousand person (depending on which paper you read) march in Los Angeles this weekend.
On accident, I was just going to the library.
Does it bug anyone else that all these immigrants have numerous flags of their home countries, rather than the flag of the one they want to join?
They wave Mexican Flags, Columbian Flags, Hondourus Flags, Iranian Flags....
They want to be treated like American's... try
I don't wave my Giants flag in Dodger Stadium.
Why did I move to LA? I couldn't find a job in San Francisco. But I try to blend in.
This bugs me.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Ya know I decided to do some cleaning up on my blog roll..
To be honest when I started this blog a year plus ago, I thought I needed to include the big boys and while I still read them from time to time...
who gives a shit?
So I have dumped the following blogs from my blog roll.
Big Time Patriot
Wonkette (I want to like the new Wonkette Since the change of tides.... it's like Swingers without Vince Vaughn and less stories about butt fucking.. and besides there is a much wittier, sharper tongue in town.. and I understand the rack is much better..)
Gawker... though I still have a weirdo crush on Jessica Coen.. Jessica call me..
Rude Pundit.. that fuck nut doesn't need my help.
I will from now on I will only stand for blogs that are FUN and INTERESTING social commentary! So if you get too INTO yourself and get all "Gold Telephone that only takes Wooden Nickels" the power of the Crackpot Press may just shut you down too!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Then it just crumbled. Gonzaga panicked. Sure Adam Morrison kept it together until the last seconds, when it finally hit him that the Bulldogs had blown a 17 point lead. And fell like a sissy to hardwood not so gooey center court and wept. The KISS like thunder clap that the entire UCLA team coming down on the Bulldogs was enough to start a remarkably sober man to start whispering conspiracy theories.
It simply came out of nowhere. I was stunnned as the Melrose Cantina burst to decible levels in the final seconds and Renne jumped and cheer banging her head on the tv set suspended from the ceiling just above her noggin.
I slithered away stunned.
But in PROFESSIONAL SPORTS, there is some strangeness brewing as well.
Holly McPeak has dumped her partner Jen Kessey for Rookie of the year (from Orinda, California) Nicole Brannagh. This is an interesting move. Last year McPeak split with longtime partner Elaine Youngs. After always coming in second the Walsh/May the decided they need to mix stuff up. Youngs took on the up and comer Rachel Walcholder and before the end of the year they had become the Skywalkers against the Black Draped (well as much as a bikini is draped) Vaders of May Walsh. And The AVP finally had it's first hardcore rivalry. The locals rooting for EY/Wach.. the tourists bangwagoning for the "Yankees of the beach" with those gold shiny shinies dangling below their napes.
A note on the Uniforms of May/Walsh: they shouldn't stray from the black. I am have seen them try to go more girly or more "summer"y at times. It doesn't work for them. If I may be so Blackwell let's compare:
I can see a difference.
So EY gambled and chose up and comer Rachel Wacholder. Holly goes with the less risky Jen Kessey. Jen is a great player a real solid go to gal. The problem with a solid go to gal is you can't mentor them and this is where EY/Wach flourished. Rachel is a very into improving herself. In her early days on the beach I noticed that after losing a match (with then partner Angie Akers) she went immediately to the big board to see what other matches were going on. To study her opponents.. see what they were doing right and see what they were doing wrong.
And that is exactly what McPeak has done. She has traded on a risky move... Rookie of the Year Nicole Branagh (who had been partnered with... yep.. Angie Akers). Rookies are odd foks to put your money on. Review the list of Heisman Trophy winners and you will see what I mean.. O.J., Flutie and that freak Chris Wenke.
Nicole is good player that will only improve under McPeak's mentoring. And I think they will be a surprise throughout the season.
Which brings us to bridesmaid Angie Akers. When I first saw Angie play I thought in a few years she would be killing the competition. But is just hasn't happened... yet.
And she just keeps gewtting left at the alter as her teammates keep getting snatched up by the heavyweights. She is the Oakland A's of the beach... you get a Catfish, Jackson, McGwire or Giambi and they just go somewhere else and win the World Series. I really hope Angie finds the teammate she really clicks with. She deserves it.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Some people have bitched at me saying my coverage of the AVP glamourizes the women's part of the sport... so as a footnote I add..
Nine out of the ten top men's pairs have also split up... cue the Neal Sedaka)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
IF you give me your RSS FEED, I can add you in.
So I have been toying around with this idea.
On the main site I have added a section called "Bad Ass Blogs" which is poorly thought out and designed. But I dig the concept. So I went with it. For those of you who remember the first Crackpot Press.com site, I have never let details get in my way.
There is only five to start with and I intend to add more as time allows. Which from my last post, time is dwindling. Right now I can only do blogspot blogs.
While it was a miserable office, being a Porn Accountant did have it's upside.
I could fuck off on the interent pretty much any day,all day I could enjoy all of my blogs to the right or figuratively to the left...
And now I have gone to a company who does not offer the internet. The software involved at this company is important to the company's well being. So important that one good virus could take them down. And more importantly take down their clients. Shit, I don't wanna be that guy.
So know I am internet-less during the day which keeps me clothed and coupled with not smoking during the day has delivered a one-two punch of withdrawl.
But DAMN! I'm productive.
Monday, March 20, 2006
(via Raw Story)
Let's get this straight...The Nazi's invaded Poland and a lot of other folks, created mass Atrocities, (including the torturing/murder of prisoners) supressed human rights on a grand scale, made sure there was large propaganda arm in the press.
Who are the Nazi's?
Sunday, March 19, 2006
It should be a nice relaxed evening.
But, alas, it got off to a rocky start. There is a god damn anti-war protest blocking off Highland, Hollywood Blvd, Cahuenga and Vine.
I hate protests. Perhaps I am lashing out at my fathertown, Berkeley, California also my Alma "Does it Matter" San Francisco State. Perhaps I just think that they are ineffective way of communication. If you are gonna take it to the streets... TAKE IT TO THE STREETS.. none of this pep rally crap. I suggest some art direction similar to the angry peasants from the last reel of any Frankenstein movie. People don't listen to rationale, the listen to burning torches and shouting. Not chanting.. SHOUTING!! Case in point, let's say you have a dispute with your HEalth Insurance Company. Do they respond to your rational argument or do they listen to "If I don't get some teeth in my fucking mouth TODAY, I am going come down and burn down your FUCKING OFFICE!!"?
The latter has always been a much more effective way of communication. YEs, that is a line I have said while missing two front bottom teeth.
Growing up It seemed like there was a new protest every week for something. We kept track of them because protestors usually have the best pot. Half the time we didn't even know what they were for.. fur, war (even though it was peace time), eco-friendly something, red paint worshiping, Greater Short-Tailed Bats (Mystacina robusta), "Legalize it" (it's pretty much legal in Berkely open and whole lotta other crap.
I once spent two hours talking to a Hemp activist.
Hippie: You make rope
Dave: And Smoke it
Hippie: Make Shirts
Dave: And Smoke it
Hippie: Make Gas out of it
Dave: And Smoke it.
Realizing this conversation could go on for hours as we were both baked out of our minds. We made friends and watched "Apocalypse Now."
People practicing to be the new Angela or Mario, because at SFSU they push non-jobs on you.
It's the San Fran equivilant of "Come See My Band" in LA. It has a real community theater feel about it.
So anyways.. it was evident that my 12 minute jaunt over to CPG's was going to take about 40 minutes. My BVGS is tanking (which is why I keep grape juice in the car) and the sheer amount of pollutants being put out in the air is a death quench. If people are at their destinations.. there are no pollutants in the air.
Now I against the war but I NEED TO BE SOMEPLACE HIPPIE!!!
But since I believe that everyone can have their little pep rallies.. I suggest the following.
A BLUE LANE, similar to a carpool lane, for those of us think the war in Iraq is a clusterfuck but NEED TO BE DOWNTOWN BY 5:30 or CPG is gonna kick my ass!
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Something Strange Smelling...?
At a stoner school..?
On a food vendor's cart?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Maureen Stapleton passed away today at the age of 80.
There is this great story about her. She had just won the Academy Award for REDS in 1981.
Now Maureen was a bit of a battle AXE and a quality drinker. She wins the award, Jack Lemmon hands it to her and the walk backstage to the pressroom.
Jacks holds her by the arm and says "So how does it feel to be the best supporting actress there ever was?"
Maureen spits out "I'd rather be remembered as the greatest LAY there ever was"
to a loaded press room.
Who never said a goddamn word. And good for them.
I have become increasingly dissatisfied with Statscounter.com as my free tracker for this blog and the main site
It's not counting very well.. my back up counter (which only works on the main site) shows nearly the double the hits that Statcounter Does.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
To get a meeting with Mary Carey?
No, I am serious...
By the way, this is the least nude image I could find, before I got caught...er I guess "distracted" is a better word.
Oh for wholesome family images swiped from Google... go see BOAAC!
But the Good news is she has lost twenty pounds!
Which is roughly $34.50 American.
Mary Carey has lost no one in the Iraq war.
According to a new book out , it looks like my boy Barry is facing new steroid accusations.
According to the book, Bonds was using two undetectable designer steroids, informally known as the cream and the clear, plus insulin, human growth hormone and other performance enhancers by 2001, when he hit 73 home runs for the Giants to break Mark McGwire's single-season record of 70 set in 1998.
Insulin??? How the hell does insulin help someone hit a baseball? Also Insulin is a legal substance. Your body makes it. Runners often inject and extra pint of blood to help them run better. I
Now I can't speak to the cream and the clear and human growth hormone... which were banned in the 2002 baseball season and were both within the rules to use at the time.
I can speak to insulin. I take it every day. The only purpose for Insulin is to break down sugar in your body. A normal, healthy non-diabetic person would die if they took insulin. I took an accidentantly overdose the other night and couldn't complete a game of Scrabble.
A normal person taking insulin would immediately feel sweaty, dizzy and have absoulutely no chance what so ever of hitting a baseball.
I think that these members of the media (who Bonds has not been good to) are reaching for substances that need to be injected to prove a loose case. If they had the facts on steroids, why add something that really can't help you out that much and the effects can be immediately dangerous.
So what the hell are these people talking about?
In addition, there is this new article
Like the previous article, the evidence is speculative. Also if you note the tone of the article is VERY villifing. IF this evidence is true, why hasn't Bonds be arrested? Why hasn't McGwire been arrested?
What I am saying here is we don't know. How many folks were hoodwinked by Judith Miller?
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Is there really that much difference?
Your friends give up on you and throw you in a cave and roll a boulder over the entrance..
A young Chuck Norris plays Jesus. Jesus kicked ass… just like the last reel of LONE WOLF MCQUADE.. but he was no Billy Jack.
A young Chuck Norris plays Jesus. Jesus kicked ass… just like the last reel of LONE WOLF MCQUADE.. but he was no Billy Jack.
But more on punditry.
By extension, the term pundit is also used to refer to individuals that express opinions in the media without necessarily being a recognized expert on a particular subject matter. Pundits are often accused of being politically biased and for using informal logic in fallacious ways; in this sense, the term is also used as a term of disparagement.
Since I don’t own a dictionary… I don’t know what “fallacious” means either. But it sounds like a wonderful evening in, with some turkey chilli.
Back to the pundits…
Regardless of Americans being WAY against the
I like others are sick of being force fed at the
So now.. we play the ratings game…the pundits need to get forceful.
Howard Stern is a genius. He is not a genius because he is funny... he’s not funny or witty or clever. Well, he is funnier than Al Franken.. but not any funnier than the guys I went to high school with. He is not a genius because of lesbian strippers. He’s not a genius because he isn’t afraid to get personal.
Howard Stern is a genius because he discovered a truth. The people that hate you will watch you more closely than the people who like you. The people who hate you are a much bigger, louder force. The people who hate you are “your audience.”
And they listen and they buy the stuff you are selling.
Pundits are getting wise.
Now that the
Regardless that this deal is dead, these guys just keep preaching, that Bush is right and they are slowly mnaking Congress a four letter word.
What are they doing?
They are attempting to attract the audience that hates them.
And that audience is me..
I should really spend more time reading.
I should really spend more time reading.
Friday, March 10, 2006
So I get in the elevator today with an cop. 22 years oldish, short but broadshouldered kid with a $35 haircut and a manicure. Also in the elevator was a boat load of unattended Office Room Reception Chairs , Which now live in my car.
In addition to the normal cop regaila (pistol, smashy stick, love cuffs).. he had what every Cop in Los Angeles needs to accent his job.
The Hollywood Reporter
and Backstage West
NO wonder the Cops are nuts in this town... They are freaking frustrated primadonna wanna be movie stars...
Damn you BOBBY BALL! Damn you APA!!!
So let's look at this again..
So let's take an average guy... who has big dreams but on average spends three years out of work... getting rejected day in and day out, not just by casting directors, but by his agent and eventually his girlfriend runs off with his agent's assistant because he makes more money and has better connections.
Now add in to that, this person was the leading thespian and considered the best actor at in college. That's quite a heartbreak. While driving the squad car he starts reminiscing about his days as "the Grand Dame of Cal State Hayward Extention"
Actor's are crazy psychotic people to begin with.
So they take a job that requires hanging with the criminals most of the time... and they get smashy sticks and pistols and love cuffs.
And now the LAPD is giving the WEAPONS!!!!
His only training is a Stage Combat Class taught in West Hollywood by Les Abott???
MEMO TO: LAPD
STOP HIRING ACTORS!!!!!!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
In his last "Speech for money" Kurt Vonnegut took the opportunity to slam Bush, "the syphullis president"
Good for him...
The Zingers include: "the Difference between Bush and Hitler... is that Hitler was elected"
The bit that really got me was Our economy has been making money, but
“all the money that should have gone into research and development has gone into executive compensation. If people insist on living as if there’s no tomorrow, there really won’t be one. "
This is the EXACT reason why I foudn it necessary to skip out on my gig.
That, and I think I finally reached me porn threshold and am looking forward to buying my Mother's Day Gift Baskets with untainited cash.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
My team for the tourney this year is my Beloved Gonzaga Bulldogs.
I didn't actually GO to Gonzaga.. I just root for them as I have no idea if the San Francisco State Gaters have a basketball team. Adam Morrison, their star junior, is a Type 1 and so I really would like to see them do well.
I was on the Bong Team when I went there and I tell you we kicked Stanford's ass every meet.
Eat that Cardinals!
The Tournament was never a big deal growing up for me. We had professional sports to watch, but as I grew into a klan of Caroliners in the my early 20's I started getting into it.
And yes, I usually root for the Pac-Ten and am usually disappointed.
Every sport needs a villian. Whether it is the Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, Kerri Walsh or the Lakers, the villian is one of the most important aspects of any sporting event. If you have no one to root for, it's almost as fun as having someone to root against.
And now it is time for the Big Dance.. usually Duke is my villian for the tourney...
Every been to Duke.. well I have just seen pictures and they are Ugly, Ugly people.
But this year's villian, who I will delight in watching being beat up torturted and spit out is...
Oral Roberts University.
Yes, the aqua netted cheerleaders of of Oral Roberts University have God and their side and who wouldn't want to take on God in the Tourney?
In know recently Oral has embraced progressive changes in the rights of college coeds .
Well Oral.. you are playing with the Big Boys now.... and not even your precious little God can't save you know.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Actually I really liked the Penguin Movie. In fact, I thought it was a great documentary. In fact, it was a real documentary... not an op-ed movie... very Nanookish. "The Smartest Guys in the Room," while filled with great information, is exceptionally poor filmmaking. Just a lot of dumb crap for the ignorant... as CPG pointed out...
"Wow, they played "Son of Preacher Man", because Ken Lay was a son of Preacher... how cute. Look they talk about accounting magic tricks .... then a magician pulls a rabbit out "
She has Houston Bias.. but ya know.. that IS cheap filmmaking. I hate movies that intentionally press my buttons.. Terms of Endearment??? C'mon??? Biggest piece of "Push My Buttons.. bring the kids to my deathbed kind of filmmaking" crap I have ever seen.
As genius Tina said once (quote as I remember) "I give you hot ass Model-T steamy love and you won't share that piece of floaty thing with me???" (Leo swims away)
The Best Documentary of the Year is not nominated for an Academy Award.
It's called END OF THE CENTURY. It's about the mutherfucking Ramones.
I hate movies about musicians. Why?
Drugs and pretention take precedent over why the music is important.
"The Doors" is the best example of this. Oliver Stone has always been a button pushing hack. He is the Ralph Nader of Directing. Touch on some points... play with some facts... get to Orso and then panhandle when you are out of money again.. "Will work for epic"
But he won't dine with the middle class or cross Sepulveda. Show up every couple of years like the second string groundhog who gets passed up every Feb. 2. . I never see either of these guys during mid term elections. As if hippies weren't bad enough... rich, entitled hippies are worse.
Why is it that rich hippies always get worse weed than poor ones? It's all seeds from Mexico.. who are you trying to impress? BUY AMERICAN!!!!
Well.. buy American west of Barstow... north of Sacramento. Just north of the joint you get you Shiraz from... (which is a Hecha-la-zami-white name to bring back Merlot.. after Paul Giamatti crushed it. When fat bald men crush your product... that really sucks... Avery Schrieber made Doritos BAZILLIONS!)
There have been two movies who have combined these issues... RAY and WALK THE LINE.
RAY was a much better flick.
But this Doc on the Ramones is some of the best filmmaking I have ever seen on a band. No showboating like they are drunken poets, no Beatles crap, no self worshiping...
This is what happened.
Did we have problems? Sure!
Sure it would have been entertaining to see someone throw a Jerry Springer Cymbal at someone. But when they talk about their problems and differences.. it sucks you in a bit more... you want to know what is behind the eyes...
"End of the Century" is just a bunch of stuff that happened to some guys. But it's the most honest movie about a bunch of guys ever.
And it's no different than anything that happened to you. Your closest friends; you have had to pull them up when they lose, you have had to suck up your schadenfruede when they win and you have really have to applaud them at some time. In that Burgess Meredith turn your head and say "Just Cut Him" kind of way.
So I am sure the Penguin movie or Smartest Guys in the A Not So Smart Movie will probably win the Oscar. But someone should send something to the Filmmakers of END OF THE CENTURY... send flowers .. SOMETHING!
I am also happy to announce that I am the newest cast member of the Simpsons.
Can't blame the Harvard Nerds for Wanting to keep it real. Man those nerds make a ton of cash.
What, you think I could just continue to make money blogging?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Well I quit my flinging flanging job today! I have hung up my thong and Crackpot is NO longer a Porn Accountant!!! the Hell you say???
You thought I would be stuck in this bullshit job for forever!
At least I did.
What have I become?
What could a man of my stature and girth possibly find work as....
To what depths did I sink this time?
Join a crack ninja team of Arcade Legends? My first real job WAS hustling pinball.
My beautifully aged skin kept me from winning one of my accutane lawstuits,
Cheap Wedding Favors salesman? Please nothing with the word wedding in it...
Did I finally find a buyer for Barbara Bush Sex Tape... I know I know.. I should have made one with the younger Barbara.
I am still on the depths of accountanting... but NO MORE PORN... No more reviewing the buy rates for "Butt Detective #1 through #4" and "7-18," no more searching for the billing ID for "Humping Ned's Behind"
AH, I will have to adjust my blog duties, but watcha gonna do?
Wow, the surviving Sex Pistols dont really think much of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I could go on and on about this one.
But you are better off just reading their letter.
Something tells me Green Day's response will be somewhere along the lines of Sally Field's Academy Award speech.
I love Springtime, the February Rains have cleared out the smog, the AVP, MLB and the "no bra law on Melrose" are just 30 days away, March Madness is on the horizon.
It's almost enough to make you want to wear a flimsy dress.