Friday, December 30, 2005

Blog of the Year

I've been bloggin for just under a year. Some folks I have made friends with (thanks for the Rubber advice.. it ruled.)

Some are friends I already had.

So yeah, as a blogger I play favorites. Hey it's my fucking life.

But the old friends know how I think of them (one wax would eliminate that odor)

But of the newbies:

Here are my top five in no particular order:

Fuzzy and Blue

The Humanity Critic
Made in Korea
Neil Shakespeare

Always check out the Bastard of Arts and Commerce... but I knew him LONG before 2005 so mutherfucker's was disqualified...

You should name your top 5..


Thursday, December 29, 2005


Not so many folks know about this, but this Sunday is the Bush Bowl.

Yes, it involves Texans, but not "those" Texans.

The Houston Texans is what I am talking 'bout. Now with the exception of the woman that I sleep with, I have not had many nice things to say about Texans.

This weekend the Houston Texans and my beloved San Francisco 49ers go at it. Whoever loses this games will get the the top draft choice next year.... USC's Reggie Bush. Also, coincidentally the USC Trojan's will be kicking the Texan Longhorn's ass at the Rose Bowl on Thursday. The Texas/ California rivalry is for just about everything. The Dallas Cowboys to Enron... Nothing good is in Texas (except for family of above-mentioned woman) . We are the biggest states in the Union, though California could (and in my opinion SHOULD) secede from the United States to form the 8th largest economy in the nation. They have Beef and oil, we have Microchips, movies, produce and the AVP. In the Urban Areas of CA, riots break out if a Bush should decide to be man enough to show his chimpmug.

Regardless of Texas's many attempts to kill our economy, we bounce back. Now if only the Governor would stop chickenshitting around and actually get our money back, things will be great.

Now considering ethics are the only thing NOT big in Texas... (Lay, Delay, Bush, Big Oil, Haliburton, etc) it wouldn't surprise me one bit to see those folks throw the game in order to acquire a Californian of their choice. Don't hear a rumbling about folks getting excited about the Texas teams draft prospects. So keep an eye on those sneaky bastards, you can't trust 'em

I'm so not getting laid tonight.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Hmm Teaching Sex in our schools--Clinton Style

So it looks like the new textbooks are out... and it's all about the impeachment of Clinton

However, it looks like they are cleaning up the lurid details of the Potentially damning Land Deal.

Hmm how WILL the Repubs react to this!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas Everybody!

When I was 18 I had the first Christmas with the "New" family.

My Mom had gotten remarried and the new step kids came over for Xmas.

That year my real brother had given me a new stereo receiver. So naturally I had it plugged in to the local classic rock station.

There was a lot of tension. A whole lot of "Who the hell are these people I am spending Xmas with?"

Who the HELL are these strangers that I am having Xmas with?

I still don't know one of their names. My Mom and Frank were together for nearly 20 years until he passed away last February.

God there was a lotta of tension... you could cut it with a fork.. but we used a spoon to get every drop.

SO the bird comes out. The dinner is prepared. Everyone is sitting around the table and my Mom suggests a moment of silent prayer to give gratitude for the day and the meal.

We bow our heads.

And then out of the receiver.. my brand new Xmas receiver comes...

ZZ Top's "She Wore a Pearl Necklace"

I open my eyes in a "Am I the only one getting the joke here?" kinda way.

No.... everyone else's head is bowed in silent prayer. Then I see Nancy.

Nancy has tear coming from her left eye and she is biting down on her lip just to keep the laughter in.

It was then I started to think this whole, new family thing might work out. There are no rules in life.

Maybe I should just grow up and deal with it.

And so I did.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

A Very O'Reilly Xmas Wish!

Since I am an obedient sort, I am joining along with our fellows such as Agitprop and Media Matters in proclaiming BILL O'REILLY''S XMAS WISH!


and, of course,

SHOOT A CAB DRIVER Of course most Repulicans I know would say a business man should be able to charge whatever he wants (see: Enron)

Now shooting a cab driver was actually not on my XMAS "To Do" List.

The only thing really on my XMAS "To Do" list involved this:Ahh... and I am done already. Scratch that off my ... ahem.. list.

But I digress, what I found quite perplexing was for this entry I was doing an image search for something kinda Xmasy with Bill. But nothing could I find, not a picture of Bill with a Tree, not one of Bill in a Santa Hat or with a present. Not even one gosh durn Xmasy kind of picture I could steal from his website. So I settled with the Parade crap that opens this piece.

Now my dear reader... which picture is closer to a Xmasy kind of feel?

I thought so.

So anyways folks as I escape the harsh winter of Los Angeles to sit poolside in Palm Springs I really wanted to feel more Xmasy. So I am turning off Mr. O'Reilly and have my eyes towards more wholesome entertainment.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


Forget what Ann Colture says about Treason.
Forget what Sean Hannity says about Treason.
Forget about Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney and George Bush say about Treason.

There is a new traitor in town; a new face of Treason.

And it looks like this:

Johnny Damon has left the Red Sox for the Yankees.

Guess the Yankees want someone who knows how to win a World Series.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Movie Reviews!

Wondering what the Fear Mongers and Bomb Thy Neighbor Types are checking out at the Cineplex? Check out the geniuses at Movie

King Kong

Brokeback Mountain
Yours, Mine and Ours

Strangely enough I originally found this site on Jeff, One of my favorite right wing websites. (Yes, I do have favorite Righty sites). He was championing the review of Brokeback Mountain as something the "intolerant left" would not like.

Jeffy, read the review... the reviewers aren't exactly big fans of yours.

Monday, December 19, 2005


There is only one group individuals I detest more than Evangelical Set.

And now there are a few more reasons to hate them.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Does this sound fake?

So I stumbled over this Blog IRAQ: The Good Stuff. It was refereced at Michelle Malkin's.

It's a written by a father of a soldier in Iraq, and it looks like stuff is going pretty durn good over there.

So I guess the questions is? If everything is so good..... why aren't we withdrawing?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Good Bye Ole Gal.

"By the time I get to Burbank... she'll be ... elsewhere" - Irving Berlin from "THE Unsold Poems of Irving Berlin Songbook"

Thursday morning at 9:00 AM she will leave me.

Tomorrow morning at 9:00 am she will be the property of the Children's Dream Foundation earmarked to help a kid with Juvenile Diabetes.

I had this roommate once, a real character. I got him this job at the company that took off and soon the 1979 Honda that had always stuck with him for 200,000 miles had gone to "Cars for Causes." The last thing that Honda saw was a beaut of 2000 brand new convertible Mustang waving it's fine, sleek ass at her.

Years later, at the Ralph's at Bundy and Wilshire, said roommate brought his groceries out to the new black beauty. They were close enough that he could touch them both with each hand.

"It was like introducing the ex-wife to the new bimbo girlfriend"

And tomorrow, the Lumina will be going away. I will try and shield it as my shiny new black Mustang (went with the hard top) takes it fortessed parking spot away. I will not smile at "Mannie" from the towyard as I hand him the keys and sign the final papers.

Ms. Lumina, I will miss thee.
Ms. Lumina, I will remember the fine times together.
Ms. Lumina, I will remember the expertise you displayed while we did a 65 MPH U-Turn over three lanes of the 405 southbound near the Skirball exit. Thanks for lying to the cop about me.
Ms. Lumina, I know how you weathered the reign of my abuse dening you your 3000 miles check up with the "Auto-doctor" .. yet you always held my Big Gulp. Sturdy.. Strong...
Ms. Lumina you never mocked the woman I brought home.. though sometimes I deserved it. But you also new the keepers. They were the ones that liked you.
Ms. Lumina you knew what really happened the night of that wedding.
Ms. Lumina, I never recall us going for a wax, and yet I still paraded you in public.
Ms. Lumina, you always engulfed me no matter how cranky I was.
Ms. Lumina, I drove you proudly even though my friends did laugh from time to time.
Ms. Lumina, Im sorry for burning you with cigarettes. You deserved better.

But Ms. Lumina.. your emissions just don't cut it when it comes to California Law. Now do they.

And I am a pretty emissive kinda guy.

Your flatulence was your downfall.

Fortunately I have a new, younger hotter model. Please don't hate us because we are beautiful.

A part of me will go with you tomorrow.


In other news.. ON WITH FUTURE!!!

Hardcore Journalism

I know that bloggers don't always like the fact that the MSM calls them well.. "just bloggerrs"

Well the Drudge Report sets another fine example of hardcore journalism, using hardcore sources.

Today they Drudge runs this headline:

Iraqi Voter: “Anybody who doesn’t appreciate what America has done and President Bush, let them go to hell”...

Well how bout that? We ARE being seen as liberators! Yippee!

Until, of course, you see that A) the story doesn't really exist and B) Drudge's source is THE POLITICAL TEEN, the finest teen newsource in ALL the land.

My guess is this teen is nowhere near Iraq, doesn't have any real journalism experience, and is probably late for band practice.

Thanks for keeping the BAR high Drudge!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Playing the Terror Card

Ken Lay is a jagoff. Check this out:

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Former Enron Corp. Chairman Ken Lay on Tuesday said he was the victim of a "wave of terror" by prosecutors and blamed his former chief financial officer for the energy company's spectacular downfall.

I am sick of these Texas Asswipes who continue to refuse to take any responsibility for their actions or the actions of those they supervise.

Bush, Delay, Lay

Too me it feels as if there hasn't been a Texan who lived by a code since Ed "Too Tall" Jones. Perhaps I'm wrong... but the real question is:

When are the people of Texas going to demand that their public citizens start acting like Heroes instead of victims?

Ken who are the victims here? That's right the people whose dollars you stole.

Rise up Texans, rise up.

Monday, December 12, 2005

A Marathon

I'm sick.

I ran a marathon today from the bed to the couch.

But stayed tuned folks I will be doing some upcoming reporting on subjects as "the North American Country and Western Dance Contest" in Vegas, North Strip: Ghetto Circus, Upgrade Mania, and how to negotiate a half off on a lap dance.

I also rode the bull at Gilley's.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

KING KONG REVIEW: I saw the Kong... and it's HUGE!!

So I tell my girlfriend that I have plans to see "King Kong" last night. A buddy has screening tickets. Just in time for my birthday.

"That's sounds like a FANTASTIC activity that you should do without me!"

So without her I went.

I have seen IT. I have seen "the Kong" and It's huge. I will take her to biggest theater in LA to see it again. She will love it.

Now I am not going to get into spoilers and all that crap. If you want to know nothing, check in later, I'll write something else. Probably about my upcoming Vegas trip..

FULL DISCLOSURE: I hated the the first two "Lord of the Rings" movies (Frodo and Sam --- they're gay, right?) Loved the third one.

Peter Jackson is the new "King of the Bump." "The Bump" is a film term for a guy who can makes action scenes pile up. An intital action sequence, while exciting, is just a small part of bigger picture that gets revealed. Spielberg was great at this before he decided to get all generic.

We all know the story of King Kong. But here is where this flick really breaks some ground-- in character development.

Jack Black actually becomes "an actor" with his turn of Carl Delhman. Sure, the first half of the flick plays as an action comedy. He is a young, idealistic filmmaker who becomes obsessed with getting the big shot. I think all of us can relate to "coming that close" and just not quite getting there. So let's cut some corners. The character could have been a very two dimensional one, but here it's fleshed out. You know why that guy became the way he did. For more on that subject see George Stephanapolus's Auto-Bio "All Too Human."

The humor and the action are perfectly blended. It's not like that whole studio action humor shit.

In "Batman Begins" for no reason during a Batmobile sequence a large black man says "Nice Ride" We're fighting for Gotham City here... this is no time for joking around.

Studio execs should not write jokes. They aren't funny people. Just look at the IMDB for Basil Iwanyk's credits. This guy is THE King of fucking up movies with cute jokes. Yet he continues to fail forward.

Also Jack Black's timing is a thing of beauty... he has several lines through out the film that only "the great's" could get away with. He delivers some "In" jokes and has a running gag that would be disasterous to someone who didn't "own it."

Kong himself is worthy of an Academy Award. You truly understand the mind of the Ape. You understand why he goes all... well... Ape Shit. He has a personality. He has his motivation. You get it.

There is a lot in this flick a standard director would not be able to get away with. Jackson makes it authentic. Even the eventual death of King Kong (no that wasn't a spoiler... see the original.. or the remake... or think about it for a second.. ) is heartbreaking and there is "a touch" that all men recognize as the cinematic "lowest of the low." When Kong fights off the planes on the Empire State building.. you really want him to win. You want him to smash. You want Kong to get the girl.

Also, for those who have seen the trailer for the movie (okay I am spoiling the trailer). There is a scene where Kong takes on some kind of dinosaur. The trailer is a split second of the greatest "KONG VS.. WHOEVER" fight I had ever seen (and I have seen the all). The bigger sequence is mind boggling.

I guess the thing I dug about this flick the most, was just when I thought I knew what the formula called for next-- It surprised me. It was a formula flick that fucked with the formula.

I highly doubt you will see that quote in your paper.

So here's another one "There's a new formula in town"

Okay that sucked too.


Okay fuck it.

Worth $10 for the tickets plus $10 for popcorn and a coke plus $2 for parking?

You bet your Ape shit ass it is. Bring a date.

It's "Titanic" for boys. The only flaw I saw was even Jackson fault. Some of the CGI technology isn't quite there yet. Often when Actors interact with the CGI, there is a"phony" quality to it, but King Kong is still the best flick I have seen this year.


I was really happy about two things that happened during the movie.

The woman sitting next to me freaked during the bugs scene.

Also, I was really happy that I ran into a friend who had fallen out of touch with at the screening. Hadn't seen her in years. Hi Lisa!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Ford Has No Balls.

It turns out that Ford has not only pulled all their ads from Gay Magazines.

They have also stop supporting all Gay Events.

Why have they done this?

They strapped on the kneepads then bent over to take one hard and sloppy from the American Family Association, yet another right wing Hate Organization for god (H.O.G.) in the Good Ole Heartland.

What a bunch of girly men.

Oh and then they laid off 30,000 folks for Xmas. Perhaps some extra advertising would help out.

Maybe trying to sell to larger market base might work.

Or perhaps they should realize that Gay men and Women usually make more money than their straight counterparts.

I wish a Festiva on each of them.

Crackpot Press Movie Review.

Crackpot Press has actually been allowed in to a press screening...


So tomorrow... put on your favorite white dress, beat your chest, take down a few bi-planes and stop on by.

That's it for today!


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Screw you, LA Times

The L.A. Times has put out a very cynical article today attacking... CHARLIE BROWN??? The HuffPost championed it as well.

Apparently, they find it very ironic that the "anti-commercialism" themed Charlie Brown Xmas Special is a booming $1.2 Billion industry.

While neither of them actually say this is a "bad thing" it seems that they are trying to point out some kind of wrong doing.

I find it ironic that this is coming from the same paper that just laid off 70 folks, just in time for the holidays. In addition, they axed their "Outdoor" Section laying off another 10 TODAY, the same night the Charlie Brown Xmas Special airs.

Look you self-important hippies, it's called "demand" merchandising. Charles Schultz made a good product, a classic that generations to come will appreciate and find something in that touches them. This kind of work SHOULD be rewarded. A little marketing history lesson...

Do you know who are considered the grandfathers of "demand" merchandising?

THE UTOPIA LOVING, KINGS OF THE COUNTER CULTURE, GREATFUL DEAD!!!!! Their work created a market and, oh yes, "Virginia/Rainbow"... they milked it for every nickel.

People who do honest, quality work should be rewarded in the millions, regardless if you are a teacher at one of the online colleges , an auto insurance agent or a blogger just trying to pick up a couple of extra bucks for the holidays.

So perhaps the L.A. Times should start trying to figure how to turn a profit, rather than bitch about those of us who do.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Dec, 6, 1968

Today is my birthday. I share it with both Dave Brubeck and Ira Gershwin (and ahem, Strom Thurmond). NO ONE shares this exact birthdate with me.

There is this radio show I listen to every year 10@10 on (it starts at 10:00 am PST) . At the beginning the announcer gives a shout out to listener birthdays. For the last couple of years, I have been telling them when my birthday is and sure enough every year they say my name and I am it.

Just Dave sitting in the KFOG balcony all by himself. (Update: WOW! There were Five this year!!)

Growing up all the kids in my neighborhood were all born in the same week Dec 3,4,5,6. It was a real money saver for the folks cause they would all pitch in an throw one party. After all, how many kids birthday parties can you get through in a week?

Two close friends of mine have been born December 10. 35 years later December 10 would represent something something that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

However on that particular Dec 6 of 1968, not a whole lot happened. Every year I look up to see what happened on my Birthday, what was going on in the world, the closest thing that I have found is that there was a mini-race riot on the college campus I would eventually attend. Go Gaters! (Yes with an "E") I went to San Francisco State... Our mascot was a bridge.

Try doing cartwheels on the 50 yard line in that outfit. For the record, I never attempted that.

So I ran the date through a google Image search.. here is some stuff I found.

These immortal words were spoken on this day.

There were fantastic advances in technology.
There was a UFO Sighting in Peru!

This guy had a worse day than I did.

It seemed like just another day around the world.

Some guy missed the bus to go to work, some guy went to an Employment Agency to fill out an application, some one got dumped, someone lost their virginity, someone died, someone went to see Canned Heat, someone got a promotion, someone watched T.V. and tore the tin foil off of a Swanson's.

and someone gave birth.

Just another day.

Yet without this day, I feel a whole lotta things would be out of skew



“Tongue & Groove”
Hosted by Conrad Romo

A monthly offering of short fiction, personal essays, poetry, and music.

The featured writers include: Andy Behrman Electroboy, Academy Award Winner Kathy Bates,
O-Lan Jones, Scarlett Riley, Chris Shearer, Lucy McCusker, and more.

Musical Guest: Randy Weeks
Special Holiday Performance by Garret Morris.

Always starting at 6:30pm, always pound for pound, word for word and note for note a fine and cool experience.

Sunday the Sunday Dec. 11th
6:30-8:00 pm
The Hotel Café
1623 1/2 N. Cahuenga Blvd.
Hollywood, Ca 90028


Thursday, December 01, 2005

I'm not a Slut... Just Creative

Over the years I have been described as a philanderer, a slut and a ladies man. Considering that stats, all of these things could be considered to be somewhat true. Sure, I don't have "Clooney" numbers but I dont have a Batsuit either.

But now I realize that I am not a slut. I am just Creative.

It has been reported that Creative People have more sex partners.

The more creative a person is, the more sexual partners he or she is likely to have, according to a new study.Researchers at Newcastle University said this could explain the behaviour of notorious womanisers such as poets Lord Byron and Dylan Thomas and artist Pablo Picasso.

Others famed for their sexual activity were US writer Jack Kerouac, Mexican painters and husband and wife Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, and Italian painter Caravaggio.

The study found professional artists and poets have about twice as many sexual partners as those who do not indulge in these creative activities.

The authors also delved into the personalities of artists and poets and discovered they shared certain traits with mentally ill patients. These traits were linked with an increased sexual activity.

A total of 425 British men and women - including a sample of visual artists and poets and schizophrenic patients - were surveyed for the report, which has been published in the academic journal The Proceedings of the Royal Society.

Although creative types have long been associated with increased sexual activity, this is the first time a link has been proved by research.

So the next time you find yourself waking up someplace you don't quite recognize, Dont' think to yourself "Aw, crap I can't believe I did that"

Just say to yourself "I AM A FRICKING CREATIVE GENIUS"

And leave quickly to write a novel or throw a pot.

For more on creativity see CRACKPOT PRESS