Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Straight Eye For The Queer Guy or Gal.

As are most people I know, I was extremely disappointed and disturbed by the passing of Prop 8.

My growing up is bit different than most of my other friends. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area theater scene, so during the 80's a lot of my friends were suddenly dead. I'm not saying that Reagan administration and the religious right killed them, but by not acting out of fear they could have spared millions of lives. Instead they attempted to define family values, rather than acting.

I watched from a country away as my Uncle's partner of 40 years passed away in a long complicated illness. Yet he wasn't allowed to see him in the hospital. Then he endured a long legal battle as Doug's estranged family suddenly showed up after thirty years to fleece the savings the two had built over the years.

I am for equal rights for all, but I can't help but wince at the poorly executed campaign for No on 8 and now the subsequent protests.

The biggest problem the gay community had on this was their failure to reach out to other folks of in California, just like other groups of folks have never reached out to them. LA is a very segregated place, the blacks stay in Baldwin Hills and Inglewood, the westsiders don't dare cross Sepulveda for social reasons, the newbie actors/muscians/waiters/whatever stay in Korea town and Beachwood Canyon (like Brad Pitt in "True Romance") and the power gays stay in West Hollywood, Studio City, Silverlake and Beverly Hills.

Sure, I am speaking generalizations but that seems to be true

I was at Hollywood/Highland on Saturday night as the protest begun. There was one black kid holding a "Yes on Prop 8" sign to the protesters and he was shouted down. Not one person tried to talk to him. Just yelled at him. In Hollywood, West Hollywood and Silverlake.. we get it. You are preaching to the choir.. and the media helicopters over my house after midnight are not good for my beauty sleep.

There's a lot of anger. I'd be fucking pissed too. Yelling at people outside their church is not going to work. Scaring people who are already AFRAID of you is not going to help.

This is gonna take some work, so here is anecdote.

My mother and her cousin have always been at odds on this issue. Mom's straight, Roy's gay. There's the old school morality issue. Roy could never understand why good christian's couldn't accept the teachings of "love thy neighbor as yourself." Over the years family members came out. I explained to my Mom that Uncle Tom's (a great man) roommate of 33 years was a bit more than a roommate. Her stepson came out (who is a prick) , her adoptive daughter came out (she's somewhere between prick and great) came out. But I still couldn't crack her on the morality issue.


A few years ago, after my stepfather passed, I talked her into going to Palm Springs for Xmas. I did it mostly so we wouldn't have to spend a dreary, snowed in, under home arrest Xmas together missing him. I wanted something were we could go outside, enjoy good weather and ride bikes. So we went to Palm Springs and she fell in love with the place. So much that she would go down to golf with her girlfriends on regular trips. Regardless that it is the "not so underground" gay capital of California.

My favorite stereotypes about "the gays"? They are great to little old ladies, it has completely changed her viewpoint.

So here is the point. The folks that voted against you, don't know you and you haven't given them the opportunity to get to know you. They don't understand. Skin color, they get.

The gay community didn't reach out to Inglewood or Bakersfield or Tahoe. C'mon you didn't even drive down La Cienega to Culver City. You will not take this by force. You will only take this through peace, love and understanding. The people who voted against you don't get you.

So this is what you need to do. Try it, it may not work but it is better than making them think they are being forced to do something. Volunteer at "their" church. Volunteer in "their" communities.

Let "them" get to know you. Let "them" work beside you. Let "them" understand. "Them" don't get you. One by one, let them get to know you. And perhaps you will learn something about "them" that you may like.

It's gonna take some extra work. But who said this was gonna be easy? You got one hand for the taking and one hand for the giving. Reach out one hand and say "Ain't that what is there for?"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

An Excellent Purchase.

So I went to a fund raiser for PAWS LA.

It was a great night, really well put together. It was an art auction that helps out folks with pets.
I met the "West Wing"'s Mrs. Landingham, who I always thoughts had an awesome story arc.

Well, there was also an open Martini/Wine bar. Due to the prodding of Dick Hollywood (and the good folks at Absolute), I bought this piece of art.

I got it at much lower than the market value. It's called "Douglas, Drive By Passion" by Rose-Lynn Fisher.

This picture makes me happy. Not just for it's great use of light and color. I don't know anything about art really so I can't really call it an investment. I think it really captures the journey that moving to Los Angeles entails. When you first move here, you come in your overly dented '79 Chevette, roll the dice and take the tour. Everyone meets some fancy folks, everyone has moments of true sadness, Everyone takes the tour. Everyone has the excitement and we tend to wear funny clothes but you should always keep your goggles on.

However,the tour never really stops and it goes by really fast. I have no idea where my friend Douglas (pictured) is going from or going to. I keep hearing a whizzing of "blllrrrllleeerrr" going through my head. This picture really brings into focus the blur that Los Angeles has been over the last (gulp!) 16 years. The voyage keeps going and is always exciting. I think of all the times I have had to move very, very fast in any direction with a true sense of adventure and passion. It

And this "Drive By Passion" is why I bought it. Did I NEED it, probably not. Did I WANT it.. you betcha.

It's really the only way to see Los Angeles.

Some people look at art as an investment. Some gewt all snobby about it. Me, I buy things because it reflects part of me.

An excellent purchase.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I got your Creepy Right here.

So Fox News.com has gone with this as headline news:

It's a video of some little hippie kids from Venice, Ca.. signing and signing a Pro-Obama song.

Now granted, the video does come off a little.. Cable Access, a little too touchy feely.. a little too retarded.

Let's take a look at what some of the Fox Viewer comments were...

Ron Adair:

Really, really creepy. In all my years of voting for president, I have never known anyone like Obama. Why he doesn’t scare the hell out of American voters with his messianic complex, cult worship mentality of the unwashed masses, is amazing to me.

Eric l.

How chilling. It remins me of the old newsreels and films of the “Hitler Youth”.

Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it. This is freightening when you consider how poor a grasp on history O’bama has shown.

This is a very dangerous time in the history of the USA. Think hard before you vote for this Liberal Facist.

CREEPY!!! What’s next, are they all gonna join the OBAMA HEAVEN’S GATE cult & commit mass suicide if he doesn’t win? Kind of wish that music teacher would!

Rich From Ohio
WWWWWOOOOOOWWWW,Ididnt think i would see another HITLER in my lifetime,the only difference is this one has a different skin color.

clearly disturbing….using children who don’t have the ability to reason the facts or their future, these adults, organization, obama and all concerned have gone too far…. but as so far the media has allowed this mania, it’s no wonder. Americans… wake up! History has taught us to BEWARE of this craziness!!! wake up!

Tough room for these kids. Jees Louise.

But of course, I have some videos of my own to share!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Oh... you poor babies

So Sarah "Cupcake" Palin got her emails hacked.

Pretty innocuous stuff, nothing juicy. But here we go again with the fake outrage.

Again. the Republicans have been especially loud about this invasion of privacy.


The folks who, after failing to find any evidence of wrong doing in Whitewater, simply invaded a personal matter and splashed it through the history books?

The folks who decided the best crisis to active around meant meddling in the personal affairs of Terry Schiavo?

The folks who spying on your neighbors is patriotic?

Get over yourselves and stop being such a bunch of crybabies.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Spend and Spend

Well, good ole Sarah Palin really knows how to get to core Rerpublicans values.

She has the whole God thing going on, a blind acceptance of Iraq and, apparantly, no knowledge of science and wants to lower taxes.

If that weren't enough, she embraces the core Republican value.

Spend on pet projects and bill it to the taxpayers. Here are the per diem charges:

Palin: $16,000ish
Her Husband: $43,000ish
Her kids" $25,000ish

$85,000 in personal expenses for someone who makes $125,000 a year. In her defense, how the hell does someone raise a family of 6 on a measly $125,000?

The family also charged for flights around the state, including trips to Alaska events such as the start of the Iditarod dog-sled race and the Iron Dog snowmobile race, a contest that Todd Palin won. She wrote some form of "Lodging -- own residence" or "Lodging -- Wasilla residence" more than 30 times at the same time she took a per diem, according to the reports. In two dozen undated amendments to the reports, the governor deleted the reference to staying in her home but still charged the per diem.
WaPo via Raw Story

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

How to Get Vet Health Benefits.

Over the years there have been a series of blogs here and on the main site on obtaining health benefits.  Now let's say you work for a start up.When you first got in they told you it was well fiananced. The work was enjoyable and gave you sense of purpose lacking from your previous career. Your bosses realize the tough road ahead that faces any start up, but everyone is so dang excited and optomistic. You are pulled into a meeting where it is stated that Morgan Stanley is all a buzz, the folks in the know are eyeballing you company  A few years down the line, the company is tight on cash flow but strongly believes  the goal is "just" out of reach. So they change health care policies. You're a pretty healthy person and enjoy the work (albeit your moral if lower) and health insurance has always been a "nice to have it there" kind of expense.

Then while writing the new copy for the new router, a bomb tears into your arm. They patch you up, slap you on the back and send you back to your keyboard. A little while later, while explaining the difference between unique visitors and page impressions to client, a second bomb goes off in your face.  

You are sent home and start collecting disability. However, the health insurance company needs proof that these things actually happened at work.  You can't sleep at night because of the trauma. The health insurance company tells you that it is because you drink too much caffiene.

You sue your health insurance company.

His post war trauma was diagnosed as "too much Red Bull." So, he sued.

This is a direct result of the previous Republican congress cutting as many health benefits  
as they could. 

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Olympic Objectification

kerri walsh misty may rippedI know y'all are probably sick of me whoring my TV Show...

but here it is again. Check it out

The number one question I have been asked lately is “Why do the women wear bikinis at the beach volleyball events?” This is usually accompanied by a sneer that implies that I only watch the sport for the T&A.

To which I always respond “You mean their uniforms? You don’t ask ‘Why does a ballplayer wear stirrups?’ It’s part of the uniform.

My girlfriend and my best gal pal have both put me through the grinder on the objectification of women in sports. .It has been a dizzying onslaught of Platonic argument after argument that I simply can’t win.

MIchael Phelps RippedFortunately Michael Phelps comes on TV a lot and their concentration is blown.

Read more

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I'm confused.

Over the years, I have been given a lot of flack for my passion for Women's Beach Volleyball.

Why is it that watching Kerri Walsh and Misty May is "objectification"


Watching Michael Phelps is "patriotism?" (click to ..ahem.. enlarge)

Sunday, August 10, 2008

What a Douchebag.

You realize W. would drill for oil under the Hermosa Pier if he could.

Why doesn't this guy get back to work?

Oh< I forgot.. he doesn't work.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It was just an earthquake folks!

Yes, I felt the earthquake yesterday. It was a good shaker but nothing compared to the five second jolt of Northridge, the fifteen seconds of the World Series Quake or the 15 second Pasadena earthquake of 1987. Let's get this straight. IT WAS NO BIG DEAL!!! Anything under a 6.0 magnitude isn't even worth getting out bed for! Some us went outside for a smoke break, but that wass the extent.

As I have mentioned before LA news freaks at the first sign of rain, but an earthquake???

OH,NO! They have gone through and handpicked a few grocery stores where some delicous canned goods splotted to the floor. Some bricks fell off of a few buildings. Everyone's cool and kinda just went on with their day.

Now let's take a look at how the media reacted..

CNN put this lame ass story on it's front page. But the girl is kinda pretty.

If anyone has any green screen talents... I would love to see your work on this!

NBC and Fox 11 have been airing clips of Judge Judy keeping her cool. And some other Judge that is a hotter, younger version.

But the real BIG local story was reports from the Dallas Cowboys training camp located in Oxnard, California. This was a 100 miles from the epicenter. According to DL Chris Canty, "I am not in a emotional state to practice, I am distraught and don't think I cna practice for a few days"

Okay fat boy get your traumatized ass back on the field.

Just like the rest of us.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

The New Guy

We hired this new designer at work. He's from Argentina and all into soccer and shit.

On Thursday afternoon he asked a weird question...

"We have tomorrow off?"

He had no idea.


Saturday, July 05, 2008

Bush Praises Father of The AIDS Crisis

“Jesse Helms was a kind, decent and humble man and a passionate defender of what he called ‘the Miracle of America.’ So it is fitting that this great patriot left us on the Fourth of July”- President Bush

While we all know that this president doesn’t have the best grasp on history, does he not even remember the 80’s?

Jesse Helms was not a “kind, decent or humble” man. I’ll give Bush “the passionate defender” crap. This I believe to be true.

But Jesse Helms was the king of the distraction. HE often busied himself with issues that hit the heart of his back woods constituency. He filibustered the Martin Luther King day holiday for 16 days. He used racial attacks against competitors. He furthered the Grand Southern Tradition of fear of the black man. Did Bush run this by Condi before dribbling this out?

Here is Jesse Helms’ legacy. He let millions die because he was a bigot. Back when AIDS was primarily being noticed in the gay community, his ignorance led him to believe that “there is not a single trace of AIDS that cannot be traced back to Sodomy.” He further championed other misinformation about the disease.

As a result, the disease was allowed to spread. Eight years after the first reported case, Jesse’s homophobia continued to fire his arguments. By blocking AIDS research and education, Jesse Helms continued to let men, women and children die painful deaths. This has led to world epidemic disaster which now costs 100’s of billions of dollars every year.

In his later years, he did attempt to redeem himself by working with Bono with the AIDS crises. Had he only been “a kind, decent and humble man” in the 80’s, what a difference he could have made.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Memo to George Carlin

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Friday Afternoon F---koff

Friday afternoon is prime goof-off time at any work place. You check your Facebook and MySpace. You make final arrangements for your weekend pet projects. You can make a Youtube video bashing your co-workers and then broadcast it on Cspan.


Thaddeus McCotter (R-Mich), did just that. Because the party who promises "unity" actually used the House Floor to promote division in the workplace and in Congress. Armed with a ruler and some charts he rips off an Ann Coulter bit "What Democrats Really Mean." Without half of the wit.

Now can you imagine if a Dem started defining the Republican like this? It would be everywhere... and yet this has seemed to slip on by.

While the Rep could use a a master's class in Stand-up from even the folks at Comedy Traffic School, there were two things that really stuck in craw.

He says when Dems say change we mean "The 70's." I guess that's a jab at Jimmy Carter. Has he forgotten that decade was controlled by the Republicans 60% of the time. The big Jimmy Carter fouls were the Iranian Hostage situation and the oil crunch. Has he forgotten what happened from 1970 to 1976?

I can't defend the hostage situation, but the oil prices today are so out of control.. perhaps a little 70's oil rationing is in order. Prices might go down just a bit. And Repubs created that problem.. Jimmy just had to solve it.

Now sure I could go into some easy reversal bits... like

"Morality" means deception, hate, and unnecessary violence
"Low Approval Ratings" means "No one understands me"

But just those two already make me feel uncomfortably Foxworthy.

But the other thing is "Ehy the hell are you broadcasting the fact that you are screwing off at work on a Friday afternoon? Wasting my money, not working for me?"

Just go back to your office and hide it...

like I do.

Hat Tip: Gawker folks

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

So The Question Was...

I write for this other website in addition to Crackpot Press.

The posed the following question:

What is the most egregious entry/oversight from AFI’s top genre film list?


The former San Francisco film student and bong team captain came out. Enjoy!

Dave: There are plenty of snubs.

Top Animation: “The Wall,” “Heavy Metal” and/or “American Pop”…the AFI continues to suck some serious Disney Cock. Also “Yellow Submarine” beats out most of these.

Top Western: “The Magnificent 7” and any early Clint Eastwood tops “Unforgiven.” Any western with the abbreviation “Mrs.” in the title should be immediately disqualified.

Top Romantic Comedy: “Sleepless in Seattle”… enough with the Nora Ephron girlie claptrap! “Lost in Translation” and “Heaven Can Wait” are my kind of romantic comedies.

Top Sports: As usual, the AFI continues to ignore the Walter Matthau version of the “Bad News Bears.” I blame Tatum O’Neal. “Caddyshack” is in sports? C’mon.
Top Fantasy: Again, “Field of Dreams” is a piece of crap and belongs on no list that includes the word “Best.” Their definition of fantasy seems to be “alternate universes”, so I think “Dr. Strangelove” would have been a great substitution. I do respect the “Groundhog Day” inclusion.

Top Sci-Fi—One word “VIDEODROME.”

Top Epic: “Titanic” isn’t an epic, it’s just long. “Dr. Zhivago” or “Ghandi” should have made the list. Has anyone seen “Titanic” on TV lately, the blue screen doesn’t hold up. David Lean didn’t need no special effects. Let's kill some fuckin' horses! Saw “Reds” again recently-- brilliant.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hollywood is full of weird folks

So I just moved to spacious one-bedroom in the heart of "Glamorous" Hollywood, Ca.

I like the fact that I am walking distance to grocery stores, farmer's markets, the Chinese Theater and some bars that are somehow still surviving off of the fact that Bukowski drank there. With all the tourist attractions, I am surprised I rarely see a tourist. The locals are far stranger.

In front of the Chinese theater in the last couple of years folks have started to dress in poorly made "Hollywood Icon" costumes in attempt to hustle a few bucks from Iowan rubes.

This kind of sums it up.

If you live in the general LA news cycle.. you already know Elmo is trouble. I once saw him just after midnight in fight with some guy. Elmo was on top of him beating him with his furry red head.

I realize that these folks like to park on my street and hang out before their tribute performances.

The other day Elmo was sitting in his car in full costume sans head. It was resting on the top of his car. Elmo was torching up a spliff.

Another time I came out of my garage to see perfect buttocks leaning into their car in black spandex. If I was 16 I would have gotten wood. The spandex clad beauty flipped back and shook dark brown locks. This is when I realized it was the dude who played Darth Vader.

But today I spotted a tourist on the way to the Fresh and Easy Market. She was mid 40's curly, dirty blond curls and flabby. She was wearing those 2008 New Year's Eve fake glasses. The ones that say 2008 and the 00 are the eyeholes. She was just sitting on the sidewalk fondling one of the embossed stars somewhere between "The Simpsons" and "Emilio Estefan." It is sort of the B-List section of the Walk of Fame. The classics i.e "Gregory Peck" or "Fatty Arbuckle" are Hollywood and Vine. The Big Deals "Tom Cruise" and "Harrison Ford" are Hollywood and Orange, near the Chinese Theater. But La Brea and Hollywood is reserved for B-Lister or folks that will never get any respect.

This woman was sitting there, just sort of hand hugging the embossed star. She was weeping. Not the big tears the news like to show as entertainment. But a small weep with an understanding upside down smile. As I passed by I glanced down at the star to see who this woman was so moved by.

It was Deforest Kelly. I just learned that last week marked the nine year anniversary of his death. God bless the supporting actor.

So I know that it's dorky, but some folks mean a lot to people.

These Hollywood Tribute artists need to raise their game.

Oh and if your are planing to come to LA to see the stars... don't come to Hollywood Blvd.

Check out the Rite Aid and 7-11 on the corner of Vineland and Ventura in Studio City.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Poets Don't Know Shit About Music

So I am doing some research for work, attempting to find some poetry sites for a client.

Now this has led to a lot of myspaces pages, that have more than poetry in common.

They all have REALLY crappy taste in music. Usually some kind of Indie verion of Sarah McGlocklyn funeral durge.

I get it. You're deep.

and shit.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Just As Predicted! Fun Times Come to Baghdad!

It is a small world after all. In a post some years ago, that I am too lazy to find, we predicted a Godfather II-esque cut up of Iraq. And now it has come true.. Disneyland is coming to Baghdad!

Okay so it's more aof a Zoo style park.. but what if it was the real Diasneyland.. can it really be that far behind?

But which Mickey fans will show up?

Ah Mickey and Minnie in matching flak jackets humming along to Uncle Remus' favorite tunes. The hourly electric fence parade, except at Xmas when it becomes the snow blown Christmas Parade!

Won't this brash Splash Mountain of Americana become an immediate target? Or will this finally be the snuggliness that will force the Iraqi's to treat us as liberators? Or will this become merely another reason for a bunch of Mickey Freaks to enlist? After 9-11 Bush told us to go to Disneyworld." Is this what he meant?

In any case, this is the first sign of a permant American presence. Who's next?

Trump Plaza ?
The Hustler Casino?

or more than likely... the Ford Motor Company...

Let the outsourcing begin!!

New Crackpot Press on Fridays

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Wilshire Blvd Closed! Local Media Panics!

So Wilshire Blvd is closed today for an Earth Day festival downtown.

And the local media panics as if there were three drops of rain falling! That happens in LA. The news media panics.

You'll never get around it!
Your commute is hopelessly blocked!
Delay! Mayhem! Tie-Ups! Crashes!


I sat on the couch and thought to myself:

Why doesn't the media suggest you take a bus to get around the Earth Day Celebration?
or walk?
or ride your bike?

Why panic?

It' s Earth Day... chill.

Sterotypes Attempt to Buy My Company.

I work at a mini-studio that makes movies.

Walking out into the lobby, I spy three Japanese men in their 50's wearing well-tailored suits.
All of them are perfectly coiffed and maincured. Each of them has a determined inner confidence about them. Each has an "evil" appearance equal to that of George Takei on Heroes.
Immediately I freak...

Are we being bought?

Have the Japanese foreign markets come into my lobby to buy out the joint, montblancs a-blazing? Movie producers never really retire.. they just move on... usually without me.

I work myself into a bit of a frenzy, smelling impending doom... I just got this frickin' job!
What I am gonna do? If they buy the joint and can everyone... what will happen to my health benefits. My girlfriend wants a ring.. will that be post-poned (again!) for God knows how long? My car needs a couple of hundred dollars of work.. where the hell is that going to come from?

These former Japanese Banzai soldiers (despite they are way to young to have been in WW2) are coming for revenge!

Then I learn we are doing some kind of action flick and the bad guy is some Japanese Business "The Man" type.

So I got frightened by some unemployed actors in most likely borrowed suits.

Lesson learned about sterotypes, I retire to my cubicle and attempt to juggle my bills.

Friday, April 18, 2008

A Temporary Presence...

We have heard for years now that the US will be in Iraq for a temporary amount of time.

What defines temporary? Well anything that is not permanant. In fact, "for just a 100 years" is temporary.

But now we have a luxury embassy in Baghdad complete with our own Olympic Size Swimming hole. Also it has room for 19 resturants of McWOW! All it needs is a movie theater and some kind of casino (with buffet).

This is the largest Embassy in the world... a boastful, take charge, momument to arrogance shines with good ole fashioned American ingenuity. We ain't goin' nowhere...

In other news, there is still a hole in the middle of Manhattan and ruins in Nawlins. And no one seems to take either very seriously.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Miami Opening Day!

Last weekend's Miami AVP Open offered few surprises. EY and Nicole actually took one from the reigning champs Team Terror, Misty May and Kerri Walsh. 

Rachel and Tyra Got knocked out in the semi-finals as did Team Crackpot (formerly known as Team Spoiler) Jen Boss and April Ross. Sure enough this is the first tourney and my master predictions of a Boss/Ross Olympic bid will come to fruition.  They took Angie Akers and Holly McPeak to advance to the semi-finals. Earlier on they also swiped one from May/Walsh.  

Huh? 1,2,3,4 just like they were ranked.  The lower rankings there were a couple of shakeups, this is where the sport is at its most fun.  Leilani Kamahoahoa (from Seattle?) and Catie Mintz managed to overcome a 22nd seeding to land in 13th. The always over media-hyped 13 seed Team Gorgeous ended up in 17th after they fell victim to the Under-hyped Whitney Pavlik / Jennifer Snyder. Initially seeded at 19 this somewhat unknown duo is the real Cinderella of the tour.  Pavlik is relatively new to the tour and this an awesome start for her. Perhaps TG need to spend a little less time adjusting the makeup in rear view and actually who is in that mirror. Don't spend that $800 prize money in one mall, ladies. 

Perhaps I am just bitter because their team nickname is everything that the sport is not supposed to be. It really brings out the bim stereotype of the sport.

Lame . Lame. Lame.

They could use a lesson or two from Team Lindquist, the hardest working short girls in the league.  Team Lindquist ended in a deserved 9 seed, despite the fact that both of them are about half a foot shorter than Kerri Walsh. The two are the mad scrap dogs of the beach and it usually pays off for them. 

But the dig is in and I guarantee there will be more Shakeups in Dallas this weekend. 

Saturday, April 12, 2008

A literary stink

Jesus, people really stink at the library.

I've been told to keep out of the way for the day. Work is blaring it's deadline harpie siren and I need to get to crosswalking. FIne... I run some errands in 100 degree heat. I run.. West Hollywood to Santa Monica to Northridge to downtown... with no air conditioning because I am trying to balance out the $3.77 a gallon I just paid. I give up on on downtown the collusion of blaze and it's corrupt pal traffic.

Ah, the library..I can finish my newest piece of genius political saritizmo and the leave the Ms. to her own distractions.

I stink. I've been sweating through the fabric lining of a black 2003 mustang for the better part of three hours. Genius strikes.. on this jamp packed errand day.

I sign up on comp PUB07 for the two o'clock time slot in an hour. Zoom down Sunset to the gym (where stinky people are welcome). Do a quickie squat jump thrust then dowse in shower... and BAM! a new me enteries thew close confines of the livrary computer system.

This is where I am still currently making my mistake. The smell from the rows of computers is nauseating. By nostrils absorb the lambada that is Los Angeles. But who is the offending typer?

These description are a little tricky as everyone who I am describing are easily within glancing distance.

The first usual suspect is the homeless guy, a very large homeless guy. Grit unshaven, free of spray and stick, he checks his Gmail on the 15 minute express computer. Can I deal with another 8 minutes before unconsciousness? It doesn't matter
he logs out and leaves. Taking only a portion of the smell with him....

The second easy choice is the White Rastafarian Grad student. Probably from a family of privilege, he grew his hair long two years ago after discovering LEGEND. He now basks in a A/C less studio apartment on Cochran and refuses to bathe to keep it real, Today he is wearing a heavy knit Jamaican turban over two feet of blond dreads.

I stare at the LAPL RULES OF CONDUCT posted by the computer. It bans smoking sleeping AND BATHING! It shoudl set up a fricking delousing center right next to the metal detector.

In its defense the ROC also states that they can kick out folks who lack good hygiene. Where are the volunteer library cops? C'mon there is a retirement home a block away of former strike breakers who have been looking to bust someone's head since 1938. They lusted to go after the writers... and they hope for a SAG strike as they have been wanting to get piece of Richard Belzer for 10 years... not mention Rosemary Clooney's do gooding kid..

The White Rastafarian leaves and takes a piece of the smell with him.

That just leaves my immediate surrounding... a 50 year old man of Indianish decent pursuing tax incentives for small business men. A punk kid rappng and beating on the table about getting laid on the beach. Where is the "Shhh"person? The old hippie woman on match.com?
I can't take it anymore and I just say to hell with it... my genius will have to wait.

The smell is

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Ah, Opening Day.

Every year, the Dodgers grow on me just a bit more.

It was harder this year too. I've lived in LA now longer than I did in San Fran. The girlfriend loves the Dodgers, especially now that Torre is here. I've been homesick for a hometown team and the camaraderie that comes one feels with victory and defeat. The Dodgers have been great with my local charity.

Yesterday at opening day they were some definitely touching moments as they introduced the surviving Dodger Greats.

Duke Snider walked boldly into center field. This 80 year old still had that 24 year old swagger still swimming around inside trying to get out. Even from the bleeders you could see the young sprig attempting to spring.

Tommy Lasorda came out, waved at the fans and then refused to leave the dugout. He still has shit to do. It delayed the game as they attempted to get him out. I believe he was baited with a pretzel with the good mustard on it. Sandy Koufax kissed and made up with the organization now that FOX is no longer in the mix. For those who don''t recall FOX alluded to the idea that he might be gay. Koufax swore he was done with them and pledged his support to the Mets. When he threw out the first ball (a strike from the bottom of the mound) a reconciliatory hush blew across the Ravine. For the baseball purist it is the greatest of all days. Koufax even threw out the first ball. Fernando Valenzuela was brought to tears during his announcement.

Sitting in front of me where the three crazy old ladies (one wired for sound) with their Dodger gear and scorecards. Each strike, run and out was meticulously recorded. Next to me sat one of the finest of all traditions-- a grandfather, a dad and a son had all blown off work and school to get to the game. Of course, my gal snatched the binoculars to get a closer view of near virginal basepaths (at least in regulation), the various fans in the crowd and,of course, a glimpse of the very tan and rested Torre. The new SoCal brownish hue on his skin contrasted perfectly with the Dodger Blue and White. She was thrill to peep him and then dug up some addition stats and fact I am a truly lucky man to have a gal in my life that passed the Baseball 101 long ago and doesn't need an explanations for the neophytes. She understands that baseball is not boring... it's just meticulous. It is a thinking man's sport. Even if that man is Larry Bowa.

There was a ruckus around the seventh inning with several folks milling and pointing. Here it comes I thought, the traditional tossing of a Giants Fan hat over the railing.. but it was the MAyor. The fricking Mayor of Los Angeles, took a moment to come hang in our bleeds for awhile. This guy is a rock star up there. Consumed by a crowd of "grab and pic fans," the security cards laid off and let the mayor do people thing. With no media in sight, one behemoth fan, bald headed gang-tattooed approached the mayor. What he said was inaudible, but it took the Mayor on to a heartfelt, soul searching answer.

For the first time in awhile I felt connected. For the first time in awhile I felt welcome in Los Angeles. For the first time in awhile I was a part of history.

Mostly connected to Royalty of the team legacy, connected to my gal, connected to the people that make up Los Angeles.

I felt like a fan.

My best gal waited heroically for me in the beer line. It was beaut of day and noth

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Mcain: It's YOUR Fault (but I helped)

Now according to Raw Story... MCain has blamed the housing fallout on people who overextended themselves. They didn't read the fine print.

Fair enough. I don't feel the need to bailout others for their own irresponsibility and sense of entitlement. This coming from a guy who at seventeen ended up getting his first notch in a bad credit report over $300 due to the Columbia Record and Tape Club. Then I did it again at 19.

However. (as was pointed out in in the FEBRUARY 2007 film MAXED OUT) once Enron went kaput... George Bush's #1 contributor was MBNA. Bush then let them run all hilly nilly unregulated. The Republican party rejected any kind of laws, for example lending money to the mentally disabled . As Bush has often said "I'm no Economist."

I truly believe that most Americans have forgotten about W. Compared to last year, most political blogs do very little coverage of him at all. Everyone seems very anxious to move on. Who can blame them? But we have to remember the lessons of George Bush.

Let's see how McCain looks on contributions from lenders! For the link weary here is the top 10.

1 Citigroup Inc (Subprime Scandal) (Class 3 asset questions) $145,050
2 Blank Rome LLP – (attorneys) $141,400
3 Greenberg Traurig – (1750 lawyers) $129,987
4 Merrill Lynch (Subprime Scandal) (Class 3 asset questions) $119,675
5 Goldman Sachs (Subprime Scandal) (Class 3 asset questions)
6 IDT Corp – (telecommunications) $80,150
7 Pinnacle West Capital $77,850
8 Bank of New York Mellon (Subprime Scandal) $74,000
9 JP Morgan Chase & Co (Subprime Scandal) (Class 3 asset
questions) $72,100
10 Irvine Co Apartment Community $68,400

Almost all are lenders and these are the folks he will protect. So if you are indeed looking for some change... McCain is not your boy. He will continue to protect his top ten.

Are you in the top 10?

Then good for you.

Fucko. We need leadership that is smart... or at least concerned for your average day sucker.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Villa's Dirty Dirty past

There is a movie genre that we are all familiar with.

A flat chested ugly girl, inner beauty hidden under clunky metal braces, neckgear with Evil Kinevil glow-stripes, coveralls, enornmo- spectacles, a talent for clarinet and an overall clumsiness around the water fountain is beaten bloody by the popular girls. Until one day she grows tits, frees her pony tail, gets contacts, a single makeover, stars smoking cigarettes and drips dialogue like "Tell me about it.. .... Stud"

As a 10 year old boy.. I made Max Rosenthal stay for a second screening just to see Olivia Newton John lick her teeth, say that line, throw down that cigarette, and kick Travolta. Max's mom circled the block for two hours and I got a taste of the belt (or was it a Hot Wheel track?) but it was worth it. Sandy was mine.

And like dumbshit Danny Zucco, hungry for leather pants, we crawl the stairs to the shake shack and did it  ALL OVER AGAIN.

This is the story of Villa, the new LA hotspot. I knew Villa when it was just an ugly bespectaled sophomore. I was the best friend at the bike racks.

The REAL name of Villa is J.SLOANS. It was once the best bar in LA. Perhaps one of the only REAL bars in the West Hollywood area.  It was studded in a puke stained wood boothes, 25 cent Milwakee Beasts and HUGE 27" inch televisions viewable from every angle. It was a place where recent transplants could cut loose from the "is my hair slightly mussed" LA lifestlye and feel like themselves again.

A terrible D.J. was a permanent staple but we didn't care.. we were in just some phase of drunk and horny. We would find our Rythyms of the Night looking for a potential Love Shack while awaiting the 1:30 destiny of Marvin Gaye and a  last tequila shot.  There would always be one geek trying to get a gal's email address... whatever the hell that was...

Broken glass, tons of peanuts shells and the children of the Persian Mafia littered the floors. Yeah... good times. 

So in fact, it was a REAL bar once upon a time. One of the few I would take my grandfather to. It was a secret slum oasis for over stressed casting and talent assists, d-girls and boys looking for a break from the hipper than thou. The underpaid way to cut loose.

And now.. a few owners and a few makeovers later. This bar that onced mocked the hipper than thou is the hipper and thou. An invite only  TMZ stained joint. The "oh so pretty" 14th minuterers  need to get lost at the Skybar. If you're not on the cover of the Tabrag or merely a Defamer target you are banished to the Standard. If you are me.. you have El Guapo or the Village Idiot... just take your broke ass to other side of Crescent Heights pal.

Indeed my gal has forsaken me. She has grown up... new hair, new tits, new lips with a cigarette drawl. She has forgotten me.

But I know how this town works. There will be a snag such as  a health code violation or a young boy will be found dead while in the company of Ashton Kuschner. Hiding these little "realities" separate the great taverns from the bar du trend.

I guess the real question is will my girl come back to me or will she just remain being the new stuck up bitch?

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I might be getting involved with a cult.

I got an friend invitation on my MySpace Page

It was from Wave: 11:11. When I joined I became the 6666th friend.. odd eh?

Well they didn't seem so bad... they have this groovy little hypno-icon... I was all cynical and shit... WHEN!

There was this new woman at my work. I thought she was kind of an ass kiss and WAY to self-important for a temp. As the only man in the department  there was suddenly this sistah- hood forming that I was not allowed to partake in. They would  go out fro wraps together while I sat alone in my cubicle with my tuna fish (the loneliest of meats) sandwich. I know they wold discuss and my apple round ass while splurging on a McFlurry.

This woman rubbed me wrong and would go through my stuff hunting for prizes and stuff. 

I do not like her. She is my Anti-Dave.

So she has a heart attack at the office, my boss took her to the hospital and I haven't seen her since.

I should feel terrible for her... but honestly I do not feel a thing. No remorse, no guilt, no pleasure... nothing.

Do I have a soul? Even the biggest scumwad would've yelped out a "Yippee!"

but nothing. I feel nothing. 

So these Wave people approach my for my friendship. they are all about love day on May 8th-ish-- who am I to say no? They have these ten intentions (which is three intentions less than most self-help programs... yes, I'm still listening) one of which is "synergy" which is lacking in most self-help programs and much more profitable. They also have a member named TARA , her wallpaper is waterfalls. 

I try to think of waterfalls when I can't sleep at night... they soothe me. Tara has a large tatoo on her shoulder which reminds me of a woman who once lost her soulless way and is now found.


You took notes on this, right?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Why "W" will leave as Great a legacy as Reagan.

During the lovefest that was the Reagan Funeral, there were tons of accolades for old turkey necks major achievements.

Except one. This one Reagan legacy is something that effects millions around the globe and costs billions every year. Reagan chose to shove his nose in the Bible when AIDS first came on the scene.

Now George Bush has a chance to be a great as Reagan.

It seems as if 1 in 4 AMERICAN teen women have an STD.

They've both shown an overwhelming arrogance over their ignorance in how the body works. Bush, with his abstinence only program, continues to neglect an ongoing trend with the youth of today.

The youth of today (as they always have been) ARE HORNY! and real education is necessary.

I mean the "keep your knees together" philosophy works great... until you realize you keep them together over your head.. and graduate with honors from Chico state.

And, yes, this will be an expensive and deadly leagacy of ignorance.

Is it so hard for Bush to simply make one good desicion? Does King George understand WHY he making all these trips to Africa?


Reagan blew his time to act. Will Bush man up in time?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Cheney to Bring on Da Smoove.

Well, it looks like Ducky Boy is sending in the adults.

With oil hitting $110 a barrell, Bush is sending Cheney to try an talk turkey with the Saudis.

Considering the Bush families long personal relationship with Saudis, why in the hell are they sending in possibly the worst person ever to negotiate? Is it his no-nonsense approach to direct lying that makes him the candidate. Or could it just be that the Saudi's are sucker for a mean old man with an Old Spice glow. For how long has the Bushco mentioned... "There is nothing we can do about gas prices!!" That is until it becomes a little too obvious that his legacy will be padding his friends wallets at the expense of the American People. Oops.. someone may get suspicous.

Isn't this something Bush should be dealing with on his own?

And the next question is.. "With Cheney's long history of selective facts and bold faced lies..why should we believe a word he says when he returns?"

Monday, March 10, 2008

High Crimes in Office Culture.

So a B-list (though A-list in his genre) actor came into my office the other day.

Now I mention his presence to one of my co-workers and without even batting an eyelesh she states "He is a HORRIBLE man"

I've been in this position before. I am ready to hear some starfucker story about how he wouldn't leave her alone at some Xmas party a while back.

"He steals lunches'

My normally chipper pollyanna had her teeth clenched and lasers were encompassing her once smoke green eyes.

"Excuse me?"

she said in a tone that implied that he probably laughed maniacally with his mouth full while he chawed away on a pilfered tuna sandwich and a single peanut butter stuffed celery stick.

I wasn't expecting that.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Why Today's Kids Are A Little Fucked Up

So I am in a McDonald's today. A father or four brings in the kids in.

They are all happy they are at Mcdonalds. Dad looks like he has had a long day. He ordered in Mexican for the kids and I assumed he didn't speak english...

But how much English do you really need to know to see that one of his children (perhaps 7 or so) was wearing a shirt with the following image.

What language do you not speak to get this.. I mean something inappropriate for a 7-sear old is going on.....

Friday, March 07, 2008

Mutherfuckin $3.69

For REGULAR! at three normally priced gas stations on the Westside!

$15 for quarter tank!

Ya know there used to be this REALLY staunch Repub in my old office 3 years ago, when the jackasses owned all three branches of governemnt. A good enough guy.

Who did he blame high gas prices on?

Environmentalists! Because we wouldn't let the gov build more refineries!

Now he REALLY buys into all that Male Victimization crap of the right wing.. and sometimes he has a point (divorce laws, for example)


My comeback was.. "Well you have all the big dick oil guys running the country.. why not change a few laws?"

His comeback was a quiet "I Don't Know"

"Jim, It's because they really don't care about you"

A new Post, really?

Yeah I think I am getting the urge for random daily thoughts.

I mean if Kvatch can do it... why not me?