Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Win a Free Dinner at the Olive Garden.

I got a banner that said "Win a Free Dinner at the Olive Garden!"

Then you click on a "Yes" or "No" Question..

"Is Bush a Good leader?" This is usually an easy answer.

Then thoughts start swirling....

Okay... "Free Dinner" is a good thing..Olive Garden or not

I've never been to the Olive Garden. Is it any good? What market are they plying to answer the question?

Olive Garden (according to "Old School") is a fabulous meal. Married couples love it... they clean up after the kids... Priceless.

I'm not quite a married couple, yet not quite a single man.. How important is the free meal...

CPG has been out of town for quite some time now.

Fabulous meal I don't have to make... I have a broken collarbone. I have been living off of things you don't have to "lift"or "spread"... Goddammit I WANT MY FREE FABULOUS MEAL!!!

Family resturant... I want to say yes. "Yes" will get me the free fabulous meal.

It is a moment of selling out.

I finally click on "YES"


Yes Bush is is good leader!!!!

But then I have to go through all these steps and refer friends and realize...

I'm tired...

I should have just clicked no.

More Stouffer's for me.

Aw Crap! Now with Razzle Dazzle!

The other day a bunch of us were sitting around talking about how Broadway/Theater Snobs should really just eat a large bowl of "shut the fuck up."

Their Superiorness ("Oh Hollywood, is making another sequel again"); their
love of their "real art".

We sat around trying to think of a recent "new project" that Broadway has put out. Sure "The Black Ryder" looks interesting, but guess what? Broadway has also put out the Umpeeth "Limited Last Tour" of "Les Mis."

It's a quick buck... they paid for the sets and the costumes already, so let's do it again.
Yes, the intellectual snobs are driven by money as well. And they charge $150 a pop.

With the exception of "Wicked," all we could think of were the Remakes of "Sweeney Todd" and "Hairspray" and "The Producers." Mostly, MOVIE remakes.

And now these snobs have made a musical based on a FUCKING ADAM SANDLER MOVIE.

Gershwin, Porter, Even the guy that made RENT... they are all turning are turning in their fricking graves...

If you are gonna be a snob... back it up!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Kommando's Project in full swing

Check out some great weekend pictures of the Kommando Project.

Storming L.A.

The Crackpot Press Corps tackled Erhwan's Health Food Store; Then "The Grove." the Farmer's Market, the Whisper Lounge, a Starbucks and a Mobil Station, the mailboxes at my apartment complex on Saturday. But alas there was no camera...

Today, there are some more to be added... with pictures... it's a little "Where's Waldo?" but the Crackpot Press Corp is on duty! Not pictured was a deployment of a radio commander in the Toby Keith Section of Ameoba Records.

One infantry man had a terrible assignment... the rocks are out a fouintain just around the corner from this movie theater. Sgt. Camo is hiding in the red circle

This next bit is me being Ironic.

And the first rule of war? Take the Media Centers!

Friday, May 26, 2006

HYollywood Spreads Major MisInformation on Diabetes

So tonight I am preparing the Crackpot Press Corp,

I figure I will rent a flick to pass the time while I work on my Army Men. It's been a rough week at work, so I need something without preaching, something brain dead, something not too stimulating.

I like Jennifer Aninston, I want her to be much better than she really is. I think she is fun.

So I get DERAILED, which so far (I've only watched about a half hour) is a a thriller about a guy who has it all except his daughter is diabetic and it's tearing his family apart. They buy a machine to watch her condition. He faxes a bood glucose report to the doctors.

As a type-1 diabetic, I know much more about the subject matter than the average screenwriter. These guys are over-hyping idiots. I have girlfriend and a mother, who don't quite "get" the disease. While it's scary for them, it's NOTHING like what is depicted in this flick.

It's one-a those things you will never get till you have it.

And yet, the fat bastards at Miramax (who will know diabetes sooner or later) put out all this fake crap about diabetes.

#1 Clive Owen (who?) faxes a Blood Glucose Report to the doctor's. I freeze framed the report , numbers are low. Regularly in the 70's. We are shooting for a hundred here. Even the stupidest doctor would be able to see she is over-medicated. Reduce her morning shot by five to units, depending on daily activity, should do the trick.

#2 Clive Owens talks about her having Type-1 Diabetes: THE WORST KIND. There are only two kinds of diabetes. Not 300 . Don't get uber dramatic.

#3 Clive Owens mentions three kidney transplants. "Her body rejected them all" While the kidneys can eventually be damaged, The failure of the PANCREAS is what causes diabtetes.

#4 There is a scene where the daughter goes into a seizure, which can happen if your blood sugar gets too low. So they give her a shot of what looks like insulin. WRONG! That would kill a diabetic. What she needs is a coke. CPG has noticed me shaking in the middle of the night and has brought me juice. That works. She isn't a someone who has lived with it for a long time. She is just sensible.

This is a movie about fright. About scaring folks. While diabetes is no picnic, it can be managed. Not since Birth Of Nation, has one flick produced so much misinformation.

Will these people just shut up and do what they get paid to do?

Which would be "getting nekkid"

Monday, May 22, 2006

To Feel Like a Man.

Over the weekend in Santa Barbara, I picked up the local paper. To be fair there was a story about the tournament going and something about Guantamo. But THIS was the lead off story:

Ugly Dog Contest ROCKED by Voting Scandal!

The Santa Barbara Independent requires PAID membership... Fuck that. Here's an equally disturbing blog that has the story.

I didn't have the heart tyo put up the Ugly Dog photo. So here is one of the Cuervo Girls.

Apparantly, there have been people hacking the electronic voting for the Ugly Dog contest in order to fix the winner. Amazing what lengths people will do to win an Ugly Dog contest. Imagine if it was a vote for say.... something important.

This led to series of memorable quotes of the weekend.

It's good to have a guy's weekend. A bunch of mid to late thirties men staying in college town.

Men attempting to cut loose from all the responsibilties of being a man in the year 2006.

It took almost no effort.

Here are some quotes from the weekend (if you don't understand them. that's your problem)

"I need to get back to hotel. I forgot my windbreaker and my watermelon"
"That'll cost eight dollars and beach towel"
"That was a Bukowski fart"
"Don't sweat it. I cut a hole in the mattress"
"Cuervo Girl adjacent"
"Does 'non smoking room' mean bat hits are out?"
"You can tell how old those guys are... look at the women they're with"
"Are you implying I was sodomized last night?"
"You you really should have asked about the ether"
"I need your wristband" and "Buy me a Heineken"
"I'll pay you Sixty Dollars to sleep on the floor" (offer was accepted)
"Can I get some effort here? Can you at least ask my name?"
"The guy from "A Few Dollars More" (on t.v.) is laughing at you" (Editor's Note: He was)
"Peanut Butter Jelly. Peanut Butter Jelly. Umph. Umph. Umph. Umph.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

A last note.

The whole AVP event went really well. Leading up the event I wondered if there was a way I could make some cash off of this. Get a better gig? Make some cash? Do it regularly?

Doesn't matter.. we pulled it off and I got to spend some great quality time with the boys... which I just don't get to do often enough. Life gets busy. Everyone I know is on pretty much on a 24-7 work cycle all the time. They have their job and then we have life.

Anyways you can check out the whole shebang here

Friday, May 19, 2006

Off to the Beach!

Crackpot Press is off to the beach to cover the AVP tournament .

We will be live from our other site BLOG AVP

Check it out.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Join Kvatch's Kommandos!

I know this blog has been a little slow. Between the new drag of a job, a broken collarbone (at least four more weeks in the sliung) and preparing for the AVP this weekend . I've been a little hectic.

However Kvatch is pumpin on all cylinder's. As you know, I am not a big fan of protests. However, this one I think will make a good impact and not tie up traffic.

I got this letter from him.

May 26th will be Blognonymous' one year anniversary (that's about 12 in frog years), and instead of the usual "blogerversary" post, I want to do something bigger. So I'm hoping that you will prepare your troops and join me for a day of protest. Let's inundate our towns, our cities, streets, shops, and stores, malls and markets, museums and monuments, parks and piers, cars and cabs. Let's make this into a movement that will get noticed.

I've done a post on this here, and will do additional posts on Tuesday and Friday of next week with the rundown of the commanders. So...if you're in please let me know and feel free to redistribute this message to anyone who you think might be interested. Also...If you'd like information on the ins and outs of buying, making, and deploying these little guys, please let me know, and I'll help in any way that I can.

Hope that you'll join me on the 26th. (Or the 27th, if a Friday is too tricky ;-). I'll probably do both.)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Win Stuff.

If you click on the Volleyball Banners, you can win free stuff!

Check it out!

No I haven't sold out.., I am in it for the glory...

Priceless, Priceless glory.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Take the Quiz.

Be honest... no cheating.

Can you sing the "Star Spangled Banner?"
(via C&L)

Do you know all the words?

If you sing it like a regular person it only takes a few minutes, none of that Patti Labelle half an hour version.

So the next time a politician starts waving the flag in your face... you know what question to ask.

Or you can just sing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco"

(You have to click on the quick time icon)

Monday, May 08, 2006

In Perspective

George Bush reflects on the happiest moment of his presidency.

Even he believes in his own failures.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Welcome to Tempe

This weekend makes the seconmd stop of the AVP tour, the Tempe Open. Now, obviously Seeds 1 and 2 (Kerri Walsh/ Misti May and Rachel Wacholder and Elaine Youngs) are expected to do well.

But with any good tournament there are two teams that could really do some damage. Watch the #3 and the #6.

Annett Davis and
Jenny Johnson Jordan


Semirames Marins Tatiana Minello

Marins and Minello don't play every tournament as they come outta Brazil and always manager to wax up the works. The other two, Davis and Jordan (daughter of Olympic Gold Medalist Rafer Johnson) have always had their eyes on knocking off May and Walsh and they can definitely pull it off. They were both pregnant and out last season. But now they are back.

This does not bode for either the Gold Medalists or RW/EY. May/Walsh have been strong against them in the past, but unlike 2004 they are now beatable and I think they are the ones to get the big chore done.

Check it out on Fox Sports Net over the weekend (or next weekend depending on which state you're in)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Encyclopedia Brown Knows the Answer!

Can you solve the case?

So a bunch of jagovs at the Discovery Channel all got together.. and realized they still couldn't get a date. So they decided to pick on someone else... someone who couldn't beat them up.. like King Tut.

Well it is bad enough that this guys carcass has been hauled around the world a couple of times like he was all Reagan or something...

But they actually needed an CT machine to find his 3300 year old wazamazoo.

Apparantly, King Tut was MORE funky than his monkey.

And I feel like the most hung guy on the planet.

Way to go Discovery Channel !!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Welcome to the Party Colbert!

Drudge Comes out with a low humming fart about Stephen Colbert.

Aslo the Buffalo Beast is running this Bit on the Washington Post Op-Ed writer... Scott McClellan.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Wonkette Gets a Softie

We all know we gotta make a buck one way or another.

However, Ana Marie Cox has completely sold out. Sure, who can turn down a gig writing for Time Magazine? It's a big deal. I can't blame her. Good for her.

But at what cost?

So now she has to crown Drudge one of Time Magazine's Most Influential by writing his bio.

The years these two have spent slingin mud at each other has been one of the great early blog rivalries... and now... Drudge has won.

Hope you got a slew of gift baskets from the Drudge Report Staff.

Welcome to the Big Leagues Ana Marie... we will miss you.