SAT Quiz

This




















is to this












as this



















is to WHAT?


Send your answer to Crackpot@crackpotpress.com


Answer Phrased in a picture will only be correct.

ARNOLDS NEIGHBORHOOD

Sunny Days... everything A-OK!

Such a guy.

Great Piece Giles...(see below)

I went to the grocery store last night and ended up in the check yourself out lane.

I had only beer and bacon.

Life is good.

Merrry Fitzmas!

With only a few shopping hours left till FITZMAS!

I pick up this little goodie at Crooks and Liars.

Ho, Rove, Ho

UPDATE: FOX NEWS IS SAYING AT LEAST ONE MORE SHOPPING DAY TILL FITZMAS.

Always answer a question about a lie with a lie.

Today in the White House Press Briefing: Scotty "where is Jeff when I need him" McClellan really walked into a trap. The Press Corp should be getting ready to tear him apart at any given moment.

The whole bit is below, but here is the “MEAT”

Q Does Vice President always tell the truth to the American people?
MR. McCLELLAN: Yes.

Q The President then stands by the Vice President's account in September of --

MR. McCLELLAN: I think it's a -- frankly, I think it's a ridiculous question, Terry, because --

Q Well, no, we now have reports that there are documents that directly contradict the public statement of the Vice President of the United States.

MR. McCLELLAN: (with disdain**) Reports. The Vice President, like the President, is a straightforward, plainspoken person.

Now most of us know that this simply not true. This plainspoken man lies ALL the time.

To say ANY politician tells 100% of the Truth 100% of the time is a falsehood in itself.

So I thought I would go around to a few of my favorite news sources and collect up some “Greatest (s)Hits” in regards to Cheney. Now these are just the big ones.

The bigger question here is why would ANYONE in the White House Press Corp believe anything Scott McClellan has to say…

Maybe they should just stop showing up.


On Halliburton
“Since I left Halliburton to become George Bush's vice president, I've severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interest," the Vice President said. "I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven't had, now, for over three years.” MEET THE PRESS

Except for this 8 million bucks I forgot about. (Raw Story/Think Progress)

Here is Great one from BuzzFlash in regards to the debates.

Lets not forget this Classic from the Daily Show… linked from mmeisner’s

What’s your favorite?

Here is the whole exchange

But in terms of public trust, if it is true that Scooter Libby learned of Valerie Plame's identity from Vice President Cheney in June of 2003, would that not mean then that the Vice President made a false statement three months later when he said he didn't know who sent Wilson to Niger?
MR. McCLELLAN: I appreciate that. A couple of things. One, the question you bring up is relating to a matter that is under investigation. And secondly, as I pointed out, there is a great deal of speculation that is going on right now, and I would urge you not to engage in that speculation. But certainly, you are pursuing this story as you should. We will wait to see what the special prosecutor does and learn more about the facts at that point.
Q Are you not commenting on whether this report is accurate or not? Will you comment?
MR. McCLELLAN: No, I'm not going to comment because it's relating to an ongoing investigation; the story that you're referencing relates to an ongoing investigation.
Q Given the fact that the Vice President did say publicly in September of 2003 that he never knew about Joe Wilson or who sent him, as John points out, and now there appears to be information to contradict that, how do you explain that contradiction?
MR. McCLELLAN: Again, there's an ongoing investigation. There are many facts that are not known. I would encourage you not to engage in speculation. And on top of that, if there's any additional information that the Vice President's Office wants to provide you, you can direct questions there. But the policy of this White House has been not to comment on this investigation while it's ongoing. And it has been that way for some time.
Q Does that mean that if you had information that could help clear this up and perhaps make it look like something other than what it is, which is a contradiction, would you provide that, or would you hold that just because you don't want to --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I said -- I mean, if you want to ask any more from the Vice President's Office, you're welcome to do that, but --
Q Have you done that?
MR. McCLELLAN: -- our policy has been that this is an ongoing investigation, we're not going to comment on it. The special prosecutor is the one that has been gathering the facts related to it. But just because I'm not commenting on it doesn't mean you should read anything into that one way or the other.
Q Have you attempted to clarify it with the Vice President's Office?
MR. McCLELLAN: No, this is an ongoing investigation, and what the President directed us to do was to cooperate fully with the special prosecutor. And so, as part of doing that, we've been carrying out the President's direction from the White House. That means -- we're not doing that ourselves, the special prosecutor is doing that.
Q So that's, no, you have not sought clarification?
MR. McCLELLAN: So, no -- no.
Q Does Vice President always tell the truth to the American people?
MR. McCLELLAN: Yes.
Q The President then stands by the Vice President's account in September of --
MR. McCLELLAN: I think it's a -- frankly, I think it's a ridiculous question, Terry, because --
Q Well, no, we now have reports that there are documents that directly contradict the public statement of the Vice President of the United States.
MR. McCLELLAN: Reports. The Vice President, like the President, is a straightforward, plainspoken person.
** I added that part…it’s how he sounded anyways.

Dodgeball

I spent two and half hours playing Dodgeball today.

I am working on a new piece about it, it could be my PAPER LION!

But I will give you some info. When I first arrived I met a woman named Claire. Claire is a very attractive, a delicate flower of a redhead. She is very friendly, one of the warmest receptions I have gotten from a sober woman in Los Angeles.

During one of the many games (at times reaching to 20 vs. 20 in number) it became apparent these folks play a lot together and some friendly hazing of the new guy was in order.

I wasn't paying attention as I was still learning, I haven't played Dodgeball in 20 years.

And I look down and hear the hollow thud that all men dread; the thud of a red dodgeball landing square in your nuts.

I haven't had a square, literal, hard hit in the nuts (figurative one's show up regularly) in
years. Good GOD man it hurt. Short breath, blood rushing, church bells through a hangover blast.

Truly, I wanted to roll over and cry like a sissy.

I kepy my composure. And there was Claire... grinning from ear to ear and pointing at me.

"Hey 'new guy,' you're out."

Out I was.

Once the pain subsided, I etched her pretty, pretty face in my brain.

I have a new nemesis. Her name is Claire.

And when I have completed my training in the Dodgeball arts... she is going down.

Arnold Hires Model to Play "Firefighter in Favor Union Busting Prop 75 #1"

“MODEL” portrays “Firefighter Supporting Prop 75 #1”

In recent years, the image of the “Firefighter” has become synonymous with “heroism” and “sacrifice;” and for good reason. Even prior to 9-11, here in Southern California wild fires come every October and every year the firefighters throw themselves in harm’s way. It’s one of the most selfless jobs out there.

And now Arnold is attempting to exploit this valiant image. The Governor’s has a new Voting Pamphlet on Join Arnold.com in which he gives easy-to-follow instructions on how to vote “Correctly.” Also some nifty suggestions like sending this pamphlet off to everyone on your Christmas Card list.

When one gets to Page Four of this document there is some detail about Prop 75. This Proposition allows union members to be asked permission before their union dues can be used for Political and other means.

Per the Pamphlet:
Proposition 75 gives rank and file government employee union members THE RIGHT to give their permission before union bosses can take money from their paychecks and use
it for political contribution.

This is some clever wording “money from their paychecks” means UNION DUES. So in effect using DUES to protect the Union is terrible. Now, I don’t recall anyone asking me if my Tax Dollars could be used to support an 80 MILLION DOLLAR SPECIAL ELECTION!!!!

And there is a picture of rugged looking fireman with a very serious expression. Wow, Fireman support this proposition? That seems odd. This is where the crap piles up. So

I check out CDF Firefighter’s page.

Proposition 75

IMPACT ON CDF FIREFIGHTERS:

An egregious initiative designed to limit your participation in the political process, this initiative will put all public employee organizations, including CDF Firefighters, at a serious disadvantage to private employee organizations and corporate special interests, in the realm of supporting and opposing state and local political candidates and ballot measures.

I checked a few other firefighter union sites. They aren’t so happy with this one, now THAT makes sense.

Then it hits me. There is no name in the caption. Outside of a generic circle on the helmet, there are no insignias on the helmet or uniform. .

Here is a picture of a REAL California Firefighter



The Uniforms clearly don’t match. The Insignia is on the side of the helmet with a Bright Yellow Uniform. The “firefighter” in the pamphlet is wearing a dark jacket.

Does that even make sense? If you are surrounded by black smoke in a burning office
building, would you rather be wearing a dark jacket.. or bright yellow? Ya know so the other firefighters can see you?

Here’s my conclusion... This is NOT a Firefighter in the pamphlet. It’s a model PAID to look like a firefighter. Like we have an actor paid to look like a governor. I would like to see if one Firefighter knows this guy in the picture. Once again another ploy by politicians to tug the heart strings in order to sway the balances of power. If Prop. 75 is good for our public servents, why not get a REAL fireman? That’s easy; THEY HATE HIM... just flick on pretty much any T.V. station in California.

Maybe Arnold could introduce us to this MODEL at his next bullshit special election drive-by speech.

An Apology

I really need to apologize to my readers, friends and family.

I am truly embarrassed and saddened about the new Amateur Sex Tape "Crackpot Blows" that is slowly being released across these great internets.

It all started so simply. Last fall, as the Orange County leaves turned, I had invited myself to a Long Beach convention of Vioxx Lawyers (as there was free spirits and crab cakes) and after meeting one, who also was representing Nikki Hilton (who was obviously distraught over her sisters infamy last year), I was led up stairs and now that indiscretion is everywhere.

WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME????

I know this is not the person that you thought me to be.

My performance was terribly hollow and one-note. As most my readers, friends and family know, my chops hang with the "Grande Dames" of the "Flesh Arts." Perhaps it was the extra inebriates imbued that evening, but I had dropped lines and cues and the witty improv work that I have been lauded for all these years... just simply did NOT come from my throat; my not even my trademark catchphrase "Slap that ass, you filthy bitch" was naught to be uttered. I only managed to croak out a simple "Are you comfortable in the swing dear?" What was I thinking that night?

I shant blame my lovely co-stars Nikki Hilton, Tara Reid and the staple of my work the "Nutcracking Gorilla." As neophyte ingénues they were breaking new ground, taking risks.
Ah Tara, no Christy Canyon could have ever timed a deep throat/hair flip like that and only a master thespian could have taken on the Gorilla for 12 hours like you Nikki. Stella Adler is creaming in her pants just six feet below her ornate head marker.

God Bless you both.

Please do not purchase nor view this tape.. tis gut wrenching, scenery chewing rubbish.

Please forgive me. I will be cancelling my appearance on this week's "Inside the Actor's Scrotum."

Forgive me,

Crackpot

P.S. Please feel free to view my master class work in THE "Nutcracking Gorilla" series "Crackpot vs. Tina Yothers" , "Crackpot Fingercuffs Kathy Najamy" and "Crackpot Duels with the 'Cute' Bush Twin."

Don't you get it?

I read that Bush is doing a fundraiser across town at the Beverly Hills Hotel tonight. Doing the Reagan Library tomorrow.

Don't you get it?

YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA!

California has never been in the Bush column. Even Arnold hates you now.

Why?

Well for starters you let Enron steal millions of dollars from us and still have done nothing to speed up their court dates.
When the Sillicon Valley collapsed and hundreds of thousands were laid off.. you did nothing.

Now that I think of it there are too many reasons to go into as to why you are simply not welcome here.

Now this is where I may get into some hot water. In early 90's, your pappy came for a visit to San Francisco. The gay community was insulted by your presence. The city was in near riots, the warm glow of effegies were hanging everywhere. Toilet Paper, bottles and pretty much anything they could get there hands on were thrown at your Dad's motorcade. Remember now, this is back when you guys thought it was immoral to cure AIDS (oh nice photo op with Bono yesterday.. who you trying to fool?")

The Gay community had a simple message ... "You don't FUCK with the girly men!"

and I think they expressed their message appropriately. Eye for an Eye.

To my knowledge, a Bush has never step foot in San Francisco again.

Now the LA Gay community is much more mellow...and I encourage them to rise up and stage the largest Un-Welcome Mat there has every been. Who better to call upon to throw a killer Halloween Party on short notice?

BILL. BILL. BILL

Welcome RAW STORY, BELLACIAO and Buzz Flash Readers. Cocktails on the left. The HT vs SM article is below. We like to flip back and forth between the Absurd and the Absurder.

I like Bill Clinton. For my money he was the best president of my lifetime. and shaping up to take Jimmy's place as "Best Former President." Granted there ain't a whole lot of good from LBJ on....

Time will tell.

BTW I may be a little "two weeks ago" with this piece but I have been vacationing in New England on the Conneticut river, attempting to connect with the common man.

So I go to the RITE-AID by my house, it's a source of non-fumigant oddities. I look down to see this picture



On the cover of the Ladies Home Journal. Now Bill, buddy, bubba..

I know you need to hit your target audience.. BUT the FUCKING LADIES HOME JOURNAL.. to discuss IRAQ????? C'mon Bill you should at least be doing COSMO! Right between the designer watches ads and the article on "How to Rope a Married Lawyer Through Better Fellatio"

I've done some pretty desperate things to get laid... but c'mon...

Helen Vs. McClellan Round #239

Everyone's favorite Old Bat Helen Thomas took a switch to rich kid Scotty McClellan today. It reminds me of this little piece of brilliance I stumbled upon last month.

Turns out we killed 18 kids in a airstrike today and Helen was trying to get some answers from our "err on the side of life" administration. Especially take a good look at Scotty's response at the end... the lines between "us" and "them" are blurring. Perhaps Scotty would care if these people were already dead or at least white.



Q Dispatches from Iraq said that yesterday we killed 70 people in Iraq, near Ramadi, including 18 children. I want to know what the President thinks of that.

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, first of all, I think you need to talk to the military, because the military --

Q No, I'm talking here.

MR. McCLELLAN: Yes, and as I'm responding to you, the military has said otherwise at this point. Now, the military has review mechanisms in place and when there are questions raised, they look into those matters, and so that's something that, obviously, they will look into. But, beyond that, you'd have to talk to the military about where that stands. Now --

Q Eighteen children --

MR. McCLELLAN: -- in terms of our United States military, our military goes out of the way not to target --

Q Why were 18 children killed?

MR. McCLELLAN: Our military goes out of the way not to target innocent civilians.

Q I'm not saying they were targeted --

MR. McCLELLAN: Our military goes out of the way to target the enemy, and to --

Q Why did they say 18 children?

MR. McCLELLAN: -- bring to justice the terrorists and those who are seeking to prevent democracy from taking hold, through violent means, to justice. And that's what our military does. And they do --

Q Seventy people were killed by an air strike.

MR. McCLELLAN: Helen, please let me respond, because I think it's important to point this out when you're bringing up a question like this. We fully support our men and women in uniform. They're doing an outstanding job to defend our freedoms and to help the Iraqi people move forward on a free --

Q I'm not saying -- I'm saying why did they kill 70 people?

MR. McCLELLAN: -- to move forward on a free and peaceful future. I think everybody in this room would like me to have the opportunity to be able to talk to you about this question. And you're assuming things that people have different recollections about right now, or have characterized very differently. And that's why I said the military has review mechanisms in place, when situations like this arise, and they look into those matters. That's why you need to talk to the military, to see where that stands.

Q Are the figures wrong in all the newspapers?

MR. McCLELLAN: The military is looking into the matter, Helen. I don't have any more information at this point.

Q If I could follow on Helen's question, though. Whatever the facts of this particular situation are, war is an inexact business, and children do get killed. And what I think she's asking is for a response from the President about children who may have been killed as a result of American action.

MR. McCLELLAN: Look, I don't want to assume, because this is an incident that's being looked into.

Q I'm not assuming. I'm not assuming.

MR. McCLELLAN: And I want to also make the point -- and I think you can go back and look at this -- yes, war is always the last resort. It's not something that's pleasant. But it is a decision that sometimes the Commander-in-Chief has to make in order to protect the American people. And he made the decision that we were going to go on the offensive in this global war on terrorism that we're engaged in, and that's exactly what we're doing, and that we're going to work to spread freedom and democracy in a part of the world that is in need of hope. And you have to recognize the struggle that we're engaged in.
And there are people in Iraq, terrorists, who recognized how high the stakes are, and they're seeking to do everything they can to stop the democratic process from advancing. And there are attacks carried out on some of our troops. And when those attacks are carried out on our troops, you have others that respond to that. And we appreciate all that our men and women in uniform are doing when it comes to defending our freedoms abroad.

Now, in terms of any innocent people being killed, we mourn the loss of any innocent life that is lost. We have seen that the terrorists have no regard for innocent human life. That's the difference between the enemy and between those in the civilized world who are committed to spreading freedom and peace. We target the enemy; they target innocent civilians. And there's a stark contrast in how we go about waging this war on terrorism. They carry out cowardly acts against innocent civilians. We go after those who seek to do harm to those innocent civilians.

China is important.

Don Rumsfeld heads to China under suspicisions that they might be underreporting their defense spending. Real Quote: "China is an important country in the region; it's a country that's increasingly important in the world," he said.

No shit? That tiny, fledgling country of China is important? I don't believe it. I don't know much about China but I hear their chop suey is the best in world. I also liked the movie a lot. I had no idea Jack Nicholson was Chinese.

But there is more:

The Chinese, however, denied Rumsfeld's request to visit the Western Hills command center, an underground facility that serves as a national military command post. No foreigner is believed to have been inside Western Hills.

Rumsfeld told reporters on Monday that he was not disappointed that he would not see Western Hills. Of his hosts' decision not to permit the visit, he said, "It tells something about them."

Once again these Defense Department Blockheads are insinuating something but I am not sure what it is... could it be that the Chinese don't want another company, I mean, country to see the War Room, see the "Big Board?" Rummy won't even let us take a peek into the Halliburton books.

Note to the Chinese: Rumsfeld is partly responsible for putting this country in the financial crapper in regards to Defense spending. Don't take any advice on Debt Consolidation

Curses are meant to be broken

The 1919 Black Sox have done their time.

Go White Sox!

Al Qaeda in Iraq says Zawahri letter is fake: Web

The United States government would never knowingly release false information.

(Pause for dramatic effect)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That letter was so full of Republican talking points I can't believe that Al Qaeda even bothered to deny it.

Now look at the post below for renewal of purpose.

THE VOTES ARE IN!

Most Valuable Player
Misty May-Treanor
Team of the Year
Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh
Defensive Player of the Year
Rachel Wacholder
Offensive Player of the Year
Misty May-Treanor
Rookie of the Year
Nicole Branagh
Most Improved Player
Rachel Wacholder

SCHWARZENEGGER SIGNS FOR BIG MONEY SEQUELS

It's so nice to have a Governor who thinks that running a state as big as California is a hobby.

http://www.pensitoreview.com/2005/10/12/despite-campaign-pledge-schwarzenegger-reportedly-signs-movie-deals/

My brother has a one eyed cat.

and they call him "Wink"

Yes, really.

PORN SUNDAY!

For those who feel that fundamentalist Christians never have anything interesting to say, here comes PORN SUNDAY! Praise Jesus.

http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=3957338

UPDATE:

Hi Giles, nice to have you back. I couldn't help but adding this link from a Christian message board I thought you would appreciate.

I have to wonder how "Nicole B." would respond to this filth

-Crackpot

The Angels Can Eat It

The Anaheim Angles can kiss by Egyptian ass. They are not from Los Angeles, they do not represent Los Angeles, and they sure don't lose baseball games like Los Angeles. But I would rather watch the REAL Los Angeles team -- the Dodgers -- lose for a thousand generations than pull for that dumb Mickey Mouse team for one second. When Connecticut starts a baseball team and calls themselves New York you'll know what I mean.

GO WHITE SOX!

GW

The Art of the Choke

Before reading this, keep in mind: I hate the Angels and have been living down the choke the Giants had in 2002 FOR THREE YEARS NOW. I want to see the White Sox crush them.

My Dad has rarely passed down words of wisdom to me. One of the top ranking Fortune Cookie Philosophies is "The is no better team to watch lose than the New York Yankees, except for the Dallas Cowboys."

Truer words have never been spoken.

The last few years the Yankees have made "The Art of the Choke" some of the most priceless sculpting one could ever wish for.. Whenever they lose it all it instills in one that perfect emotion similar to when the Delta's topple the Omega's.


So Smug. So Arrogant. So "Don't have it" when it is time to rise to the occasion.


Last's year's choke against the Red Sox was indeed an experiment on "Arrogance vs Tenacity" And the Good guys won.

Did anyone see that too cool for the dugout aqua velva smirk when Jeter hit that home run late in the game tonight against the Angels? Did he realize he was still down by three?

These guys are simply not gamers. They aren't gutsy. They don't have "it"

A-ROD is the worst deal ever. The highest paid player in baseball went 2 for 15. Matsui a dangerous player in the regular a season went 4 for 18...

Okay I'll say it A-ROD is a jagoff... just like anyone who used to work for the Texas Rangers.

Ya know what the number one rule of Little League is.... call "I got it!"

Arrogant Yankees forget this.

The Yankees are beginning to prove that having a lotta cash and throwing it around...
can't beat heart. They were beaten by a rookie pitcher, 22 years old making first year maximum. Now that is FIRE!

So let's all pitch in and buy these pampered Aqua Velva Men a bouquet of Fire and Ice Roses

They could use some "Fire" and they... got.... ICED!

Need a New Gig?

So sometimes it feels like you would need a gps system to find a new gig...Thankfully the Republican Party has come up with a great new website to find that job you are oh so entitled to!

Back from Conn.

I am tired.... really tired.

I have spent a week with the old school drinking old school cocktails.

The geriatrics drank me under the table.

So here is an article from Harper's....

Enjoy... Click on them they get bigger. OR print them.. dont care... Im tired.

I'm in Conneticut.

I am in Conneticut right now... and falling in love with it quite quickly.

Why do I live in Los Angeles?

I'm in the part of Conn that looks exactly like the postcard. I am sleeping in a 19th century canopy bed (which is surprisingly not "sissy" at all,) in my uncle's house that was built during the Jefferson Administration. It's right down the street from Nathan Hale elementary. Named that way because Nathan Hale used to teach there. It houses the country's oldest bell crafted in 815 AD. I am currently staring at the Conneticut River and it's truly an odd feeling to feeling to be surrounded by a world that I thought was LONG gone covered in concrete.

Any ways enough blogging for today.. I got to get back to the old world.

And I got a brand new Red Sox hat for $3.99!

The Girls of Summer

The Girls of Summer are rapping up this weekend with The Honolulu Open. The top eight teams compete they are:

1. Misty Traenor-May/ Kerri Walsh
2. Elaine Youngs/ Rachel Wacholder
3. Holly McPeak/Jern Kessey
4. Tati Minello/ Mimi Marins
5. Tyra Wilson/Makare Turner
6. Dianne DeNecochea and Tammy Leibl
7. Carrie Busch and Leanne McSorley
8. Brooke Niles and Sarah Straton

Now everyone in the world is betting on a 1 vs. 2 championship match. However you cannot ignore the power of the #7 seed.

Bush/McSorley can take out Rachel and EY. They have had some close matches with them through out the year. However, Rachel Wacholder (AVP 2005 Most Improved and Star of Daily Kos BlogAds) and EY (AVP 2005 MVP) have had a monster year taking out the defending Gold Medalists 3 times. They got a lot of fight but if they don’t bring their A game or get sloppy Busch/McSorley could pull an upset.


Also the Brazillian Dynamic Duo Minello/Marins are always underanked. The biggest reason for that is that it costs a lot of cash to fly from Brazil to the various US tournaments. So they don’t play as many… they are the most serious threat against May/Walsh and Wacholder/EY.


Brooke Niles and Sarah Stanton will be taken out easily by May/Walsh.. but their inclusion alone into this tournament is a victory. Watch out for these two they are gonna be hell on earth next year… Niles could be the next year’s Wacholder.

Art vs. Life

Let's take a look at today's headlines:

Raw Story: Times reporter fingers Cheney chief
of staff as leak source; Indictments?
MoxieGRRRl: Starts with Judith Miller and Variety of news items
Wonkette:The Price of Miller's Freedom
CNN:Jailed reporter freed, testifies in CIA leak probe
Huffington Post: Miller Walks to Testify Today

Drudge Report: STEAK IN VEGAS COSTS $190!

SO it's one thing when life imitates Art... but when life imitates the famous "There's a Sale at Penny's" scene from AIRPLANE!, things are getting pretty warped.

And GW... Welcome Back!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

That's right Crackpot Press blog devotees. GW is back! I've been on hiatus due to several unsavory legal issues in Mexico that I had to make "disappear." Crackpot has done an excellent job during my absence, but I must say there is a certain... hmmmm... something... that has been lacking. I'm trying to put my finger on it, so I'm just going to free associate for a moment here... unbridled anger... profound cynicism... outstanding sexual techniques... self-righteous indignation... an incredible head of hair... Sophomoric sarcasm (wait -- scratch that!)... Inflammatory sentiments... literary brilliance... and... lastly... my... nickname... from... all... of... my... many... ladies... horseboy.

By the way Lou Dobbs should be publicly flogged, beheaded, and his face should be stuffed, reproduced, and distributed to Irish pubs across the county and used as dart boards. But I digress.

Celebrity sighting: I saw Stevie Wonder at Asia de Cuba on Sunset Boulevard, but he did not see me.

Endangered species sighting: I ran into a Republican and he spoke in complete sentences.

There are hearings going on in America RIGHT NOW about whether or not "Intelligent Design" should be taught in our schools. This fact is so outrageously hilarious that it leaves me numb. Sometimes I think there is a whole secret society of simpletons who are performing for my sole benefit. I may cancel C-SPAN and rely on the transcripts of these hearings to provide me with comic relief.

U.S. soldiers are trading pictures of Iraqi corpses for porn. I feel bad when I get in the express lane with more than ten items. What is going on in these people's heads?

Death

of

the

soul

isn't

worth

an

ounce

of

skin.

Scooter

It's time to put on make up, it's time dress up right, It's time to get things started on the muppet show tonight!

This week has been blog heaven.

Okay, so Scooter Libby hase released Judith Miller from her confidentiality agreement.

I am asking myself, why?

So this week you got Scooter, Karl Rove, Tom Delay and Bill Frist?
Delay has had his trial set to start the this month

This is serious shit. They have to have something up their sleeve.

But what is it?

It could be to get all this stuff over and done with before the election year, when the Repubs start erasing the people 's memory of Pat Tillman, Katrina, Schaivo, Social Security, the Unwinnable war, spiraling defecits and gas prices. Rip the band aid off. I don't think so.

They must all think they can beat the rap. Let's see how they do it.

The only thing I can tell you for sure, is that if they don't, well be here to make fun of them.

A Song for Cowboys

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Keep movin', movin', movin',
Though they're disapprovin',
Keep them doggies movin' Rawhide!



Don't try to understand 'em,
Just rope and throw and brand 'em,
Soon we'll be living high and wide.
Boy my heart's calculatin'
My true love will be waitin', be waiting at the end of my ride.

Move 'em on, head 'em up,
Head 'em up, move 'em out,
Move 'em on, head 'em out Rawhide!
Set 'em out, ride 'em in
Ride 'em in, let 'em out,
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Rawhide

Cheer up guys! There is always a career in the car insurance industry!

The Meth Driven Life

Okay let's say a guy on the lamb, after leading a courthouse massacre , ends up at your house.

You could A) Read Him to him from the "Purpose Driven Life" and become national hero to millions of Christians.

B) Cut some fat fucking rails and drive him insane by reading a "Purpose Driven Life"

Let's see what really happened:

ATLANTA — The woman who says she gained the trust of suspected courthouse gunman Brian Nichols (search) by talking about her faith in God discloses in a new book that she gave him methamphetamine during the hostage ordeal.

Smith says Nichols had her bound on her bed with masking tape and an extension cord. She says he asked for marijuana, but she did not have any, and dug into her crystal methamphetamine (search) stash instead.

Whole Story Here

I love's a good grillin.

It's turning into Indian Summer here in LA. The weather is a "just good to be alive" 78 degrees.

So in Indian Summer, it's time to talk about Grilling...

But this Grillin is of Michael Brown....

The cook.... Crackpot Press's favorite Republican Rep. Chris Shays (R-Conn)

In a heated exchange, Rep. Christopher Shays questioned whether Brown did enough to coordinate the response.

"What would you like for me to do congressman," Brown asked the Connecticut Republican.

"That's why I'm happy you left," Shays said, "because that kind of, you know, look in the lights like a deer, tells me that you weren't capable to do the job."

Strangley enough, (?) Fox News made little mention of this and continues to think "Brownie" is a hero.

Strange only because Republicans throw better BBQ's than Democrats, I would not think this would not be the time to relish in a Victory.

Oooh... the relish pun is BAD!

Extreme Home Makeover-- Next Target

The next Target for Extreme Home Make Over is... the Bush Family.

Morning Sickness is tough. Especially when you are a man.

I saw this bit this AM.

WASHINGTON - Facing criticism that he appeared disengaged from the disaster wrought by Hurricane Katrina, President Bush has been looking for opportunities to show his concern. But the White House will take the effort a step further Tuesday, venturing into untested waters by putting the nation's first lady on reality television.

Laura Bush will travel to storm-damaged Biloxi, Miss., to film a spot on the feel-good, wish-granting hit "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Mrs. Bush sought to be on the program because she shares the "same principles" that the producers hold, her press secretary said.
It's not clear exactly what Mrs. Bush will do, but Tom Forman, executive producer and creator, said he is hoping that she'll just pitch in and help unload.


Reality shows where they a can edit out the "Go Fuck Yourself Mr. Cheney's".
And Extreme Home Makeover is the KING of "Push Your Buttons" editing. Every sickeningly sweet half hour makes "Terms of Endearment" Look like "Rambo." I know they are doing good stuff for folks but they are so "Self -Congratulatory" it gives me Sunday Evening Sickness

Just think, if the Bush Family (it would be nice if the twins could put their cocktails down long enough to help out, I don't see Jeb doin much) had done anything in reality.

There would be no need to do a reality TV show.

It's yet another attempt to clean up their past, by re-cutting it.

How to become the HEAD of something.

If you follow the right's example... you lie, cheat and steal..

See this bit at Wonkette.

The guy who masterminded the funderaiser Operation: Rip off Grandma (from the school of Enron) has been elected to head the College Republicans.

He has no plans to enlist at this time.

Mystery Solved!

Why was Bush playing the guitar while New Orleans flooded?

Scott Mclellan gives us the answer in the 9-22 Gaggle.

Q How is it going to help the people of Texas practically prepare for this storm that the President is going to fly in to take a firsthand look at preparations and show support for first responders? How is that going to practically help them do what they have to do?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think we're going to have as minimal a footprint as possible. We're not going to get in the way of the ongoing preparations that are going on. We go out of our way when we travel to make sure that that doesn't happen. The President wants to go in there and be able to thank all those first responders as they are gearing up for the challenges that will be coming shortly thereafter. That's why we're going there first, for a short amount of time, and then going on to Colorado. And it will also give him a chance to see firsthand some of the preparations that are underway on the ground.

Q But it sounds like a bit of a photo op, one that he'd prefer over playing the guitar at the airport photo op before Katrina.

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, first of all, let's correct the record on that. There was a reporter from your news organization that was backstage during that event. That was an event to go and thank our troops and talk about the war on terrorism. And it was not an event, as you may have portrayed to some people that are watching this out there by this simple statement. It was --

Q He didn't pick up the guitar while the hurricane was rolling into Louisiana?

MR. McCLELLAN: -- much more than that. The person that was entertaining our troops there presented a gift to the President. So I think you need to make that clear to everybody who's watching this or to your viewers. And it was one of your colleagues at ABC News who was backstage taking a picture of that.

Q It was a very good picture and I'm proud of her, but the question I have --

MR. McCLELLAN: Yes, but that picture was taken by someone -- hang on, hang on, Terry -- that picture was taken by some people way out of context. And it was portrayed that the President was simply doing that, and that's not the case, as you and I know.
Q The point was that he was over there and not --

MR. McCLELLAN: As you and I know, I had announced shortly before that, that we were returning the next morning. As you and I know, we had announced the President -- the day before -- all the briefings he was participating in. The President spoke the day before. He spoke that day about the hurricane. So let's just set the record straight.

Q Fair enough.
MR. McCLELLAN: I think that's unfair.
Q So the trip to Texas to take a look at the preparations and show support for the first responders is not a photo op?
MR. McCLELLAN: This is very much something that's in flux. I would describe it the way I did. This is a catastrophic hurricane that is headed toward the coast of Texas, and the President wants to go and be able to see some of the preparations that are underway and thank all those who are involved in preparing for this response. He is the President, and, as he indicated to you all, it is his responsibility when it comes to the federal government's role in these hurricanes. And he made the decision that this is what he wanted to do tomorrow.
Q Are you not doing anything on Katrina on this trip?
MR. McCLELLAN: I'm sorry?
Q Are you not doing anything on Katrina?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I don't want to rule that out --

The Art of the Flake

In Los Angeles, it is sort of a given that actor's are a flaky breed. They flake for no apparant reason. In fact in Los Angeles, "I Flaked" is an acceptable excuse for not showing up.

"Why didn't you come to my wedding?"

"I Flaked"

"Excellent"

If you try Match.com in LA people's will put up their profile's specifically mentioning "NO ACTORS"

Sure this is a bigotted broad generalization, but it's about 90% true.

The flake factor is an epidemic throughout many different occupations.. Actors have made flaking part of "their craft."

Case in Point, I live in the San Fernando Valley, a place to where none of your friends will come visit you. The ones in Hollywood or West Hollywood would rather take the 45 minute trip to Santa Monica rather than making the 10 minute drive over the hill. Granted this is fact. I should know better and just fucking move. After all, Santa Monica does have a beach.

But in the meantime, I need to find fun daytime weekend activities. Most of my friends can't get out of bed before the crack of dusk anyways. I'm riding around on my bike, and I see this banner. "Shakespeare in the Park" Saturday, Sunday 4-6. Okay this sounds amusing. Even if they suck, a hour or so in the Park on a beaut of an autumn afternoon would be nice. Maybe meet some nice folks. Valley Folks... people I can hang out with outdoors on the weekends.

I can't make the Saturday performance so I cruise on over on Sunday. I get there and there's no one there. No Actors, no silly pretentious wannabes who realize that Mamet could kick Shakespeares ass (literally) any day they call a cage match.

Gimme "Mamet in the Park" (or Mam-AY for the jagovs in the room)
Just me and the banner.

We made sweet love.

Rock Star INXS

So I flip on the tube last night and watch Rock Star INXS. I hadn't really be watching it that much, but I decided to tune in for the Grand Finale.

They introduce Dana Robbins, the first contestant to get the boot.

HOLY SHIT, I know that girl. Dana Robbins is the owner and occasional bartender of the best topless sports bar in all of Los Angeles-- The Star Garden, North Hollywood. Not your average "strip club," the Star Garden has always lived up to their civic duties. Recently, all the employees got with their favorite friend's band and threw a Katrina benefit. 8 Bands, one night... Dana's band "Ariel" did a gut pounding original "Anywhere but Here." Throughout the years this bar has thrown numerous benefits with bands over the years both small and large.

So if you are in the neighborhood, C'mon by by. Ask for Big Tony. Buy Shannon a Bud Light. $3 beers at happy hour.

Rock on with your badself, Dana!

By Guest Contributor

Daze Strange

POW! ZAP! CRACK! KAPOW!

Wow.

John Kerry is about to a give a HUGE speech at Brown University.

Here are some excerpts via RAW STORY

Katrina stripped away any image of competence and exposed to all the true heart and nature of this administration. The truth is that for four and a half years, real life choices have been replaced by ideological agenda, substance replaced by spin, governance second place always to politics. Yes, they can run a good campaign -- I can attest to that -- but America needs more than a campaign. If 12 year-old Boy Scouts can be prepared, Americans have a right to expect the same from their 59 year-old President of the United States

For an Administration that wants to teach intelligent design in our schools, maybe they should start by getting a little intelligent design at FEMA.

And amazingly -- or perhaps not given who we're dealing with -- this massive reconstruction project will be overseen not by a team of experienced city planners or developers, but according to the New York Times, by the Chief of Politics in the White House and Republican Party, none other than Karl Rove -- barring of course that he is indicted for "outing" an undercover CIA intelligence officer.


I think along with the nation everyone is just tired of this Bush Crap. The guy refuses to lead until there is some kind of outcry from the people. It's like we have to tell Bush what to do... he can't think for himself. It's also good to see that, unlike other Dem Failed Presidential candidates, this guy is still around and swinging.

Limbaugh Fans

Rush Limbaugh has this new thing. He sells these "Club Gitmo" shirts. Ya know the concentration camp down in Florida and people pose with them in funny places. Hardee Har..

Now let's take a look at your average Limbaugh fan.

Oh I guess I should have said "Stop eating first."

What a bunch of ugly, ugly, people. Not even in the Ramones ugly yet beautiful way.

Now considering they are Limbaugh Fans, Most likely there is no beauty in their hearts either, which usually over comes any kind of physical inaesthicism they may have.

Compare it to the members of the staff Crackpot Press... now WE are beautiful people.

EXAMPLE 1
EXAMPLE 2
EXAMPLE 3

How much more beauty do you want?

Liberal Crap I Never Want to Hear Again.

"Liberal Crap I Never Want to Hear Again"
by Kurt Vonnegut (ho-jacked from the Dialy Show)


Give us this day our daily bread. Oh sure.
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those wh trespass against us.Nobody better trespass against me. I'll tell you that.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are the merciful. You mean we can't use torture?
Blessed are the peacemakers. Jane Fonda?
Love your enemies - Arabs?
Ye cannot serve God and Mammon. The hell I can't! Look at the Reverand Pat Robertson. And He is as happy as a pig in s**t.

Holy Shit! Part Maerde!

Excuse my poor French BUT

Kurt Vonnegut has a new book out! It's called "Man Without a Country"

I thought he was dead. He was on The Daily Show tonight with Jon Stewart.

Best quote of the night:

"James, you are important with the right kind of people"

He is exactly the old badass we need right now.

The Freedom Walk

Remember this whole deal? Rumsfeld and lots of other folks were gonna March down the street and Clint Black was gonna sing and it was gonna be rousing? And we'd all get our rocks off together.

Why is it that I can't find one stinking picture of this event? Nothing. Nada. It will be know known as the "Gigli" (not jiggly...that I would go to) of Freedom Marches.

However if you do run the term "Freedom Walk" through the search engine at Fox News.. you do get this piece on John Robert's hanging with Child Molestors!

UPDATE! I found one article talking about the Freedom March...

The guys at Defense.Gov don't let nuthing slip through the cracks. Bunch of Cracker Jack journalists over there. It was also broadcast EXCLUSIVELY on Pentagon TV!

Where was Dick?

More than a handful of folks wondered "Where the Hell is Dick Cheney during that week when the Federal Government was doing a whollotta nuthink ?"

Some speculation has been:

A) He's fishing
B) He's dead/getting his third round of "Trust-T-Heart" implants.
C) He's enjoying a lovel cruise with Jeff Gannon.


All of these were untrue

We have discovered the reason why "Tricky Dick 2: The Boys are Back In Town" wasn't there.
While the people of New Orleans were losing their every possesion, Cheney couldn't get away... he was shopping for a mansion!

Near Old Man Rumsfeld's place.

Holy Shit!

There's a new Madness album out....their first one in like 15 years... It's like running into that fun friend you knew in high school. The guy that who'd say "Ooomba-dooma-dooma" for no reason.

I am one of the weirdo freaks who put Madness in my top 10 bands of all time (like Gwen Stefani)

The other blogger on this site was bred in the redneck coven known as Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Until recently he had never even heard of Madness... but he loves the Greg Allman band... Which is great... kinda of like the Grateful Dead with more of a cheap whisky type odor... rather than just your standard "I'm self important and frying" odor.

Madness rocks, I just got their box set...Sure it's not Coltrane or Black Flag... but damn if it dont make you feel happy. I will buy it the first chance I get.

It's called "The Dangerman: Volume 1"

Blackout Schmackout

Hi Folks...

I flipped on Fox news and most Los Angeles is blacked out. HYSTERIA!

It's no big deal.

Lemme tell you what happened. I was at the Chevy dealership across the street from the Nickelodeon Studios in Burbank getting my car fixed. Nickelodeon is right next door the DWP, city of Burbank. Nickelodeon often gives tours to kids and had just brought a bunch in for a tapiong of something. The try and get them really riled up, screaming andyerlling and so forth.

Then I hear a different kind of scream, what sounded like 1000 machines screaming at the top of their lungs. The entire power plant shuddered and then every street light went out. I had friend from Warner Bros coming to pick me up ... Warner Brothers, Disney everyone's out of business for the day.

I was sent home to my place in Studio City, which while blacked out for an hour or so, has now returned to full power. I understand that Downtown LA is down, the freeways are filling up. My cell phone is out but, who cares.

I went back to my office which out, some people had been trapped in the elevator but they are now free. My office closed, now I am going for a swim and taking a nap!

Some idiots on the news have been comparing this to 9-11 and Katrina. This is, of course, ridiculous.

It's My Birthday

Today is my birthday, so you will all bow down to the greatness that is me, and be my slaves (slaves in a Jeffersonian sense -- I don't BELIEVE you should be my slaves, but as long as you're here and not doing anything...)

GW

The Juan Cole Review

Sunday, September 11, 2005

9/11, 7/7 and 8/30

On the fourth-year anniversary of the al-Qaeda attacks on the US, it is important that we take stock of where we stand. We do not stand in a good place. The US military is bogged down in an intractable guerrilla war in Iraq, which most Muslims view as an aggressive neo-imperialism. Afghanistan is still unstable. The major al-Qaeda leaders are still at large, and recently struck London. Hurricane Katrina and the flooding of New Orleans on 8/30 have demonstrated that the US government is unprepared to deal with major disasters, and that Bush administration priorities have often been capricious.

There have been no further major acts of terrorism in the United States. There are many theories for why this should be. It is certainly the case that there are al-Qaeda members who would like to hit the US again. But al-Qaeda is only interested in what might be called theatrical terrorism, an attack that takes a big toll of dead and wounded and makes an impact on the enemy's economy. Such attacks are not easy for a tiny organization like al-Qaeda, which lacks the backing of a state, to carry out. Al-Qaeda used up its really capable people on 9/11 and is now left mostly with incompetents and marginal personalities. The US is a long way from the Middle East or Europe, and security measures have made it difficult for al-Qaeda operatives to get here or to do damage without being discovered first. The American Muslim community is on the whole fairly well integrated into American society, and clearly all but a handful are loyal Americans who wish to see the country they live in flourish. It was the American Muslims who turned in the Lackawanee five, Yemeni-American young men who had been in an al-Qaeda training camp in Afghanistan. One group of Muslim American associations pledged $10 million for Katrina relief efforts. Still, an al-Qaeda attack on a dam or on a nuclear plant is still plausible, and there is no room for complacency.

Al-Qaeda simply hasn't been a priority for Bush. His first priority, all along, has been cutting taxes on his rich friends. The American public is so innumerate that they cannot seem to figure out that if you exclude from taxes another 5 percent of a man's income who pulls down $10 billion, you are talking about $500 million on which he doesn't have to pay taxes every year. But if you exclude the same percentage from taxes for someone making $20,000 a year (and there are a lot of those), then you are only saving her from paying taxes on $1000 a year. That the government could cut taxes on the low-income earners, and not cut them on the super-rich, doesn't seem to occur to the middle class that is so eager for a few crumbs from Bush that they are willing to sell their birthright to government services. Because Bush cut taxes so deeply, and therefore reduced government income and produced a big chronic deficit, he had to steal money for Iraq from various places. The government he appointed to run Iraq for a year (which never had any legal charter) essentially stole Iraq's petroleum income to use on its projects. Billions of dollars are unaccounted for. It is well documented that Bush stole money from Louisiana ear-marked for improving the levees at New Orleans, and also that he sent Louisiana national guardsmen to Iraq.

The Bush administration has put enormously more resources into its problematic Iraq War than it ever did into the fight against al-Qaeda and its affiliates. That they have not succeeded in capturing Usamah Bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri is a sign of extreme negligence or lack of seriousness. Likewise, the US government appears to have had no inkling that the March, 2004, bombings in Madrid or the July, 2005 bombings in London were in the offing. Given that a very large number of CIA personnel are in Iraq, it is no wonder that they hadn't been able to penetrate or monitor the radical Muslim terrorists in Western Europe.

The danger of leaving Zawahiri out there to plot against the West was made crystal clear by the July 7 bombings in London and the July 21 attempted bombings. As I noted at the time, the statement released at the time of the July 7 bombings in London seemed to come from an Egyptian. Little did I realize at the time that it was probably written by Ayman al-Zawahiri himself. In the videotape released in early September and shown on al-Jazeera, Zawahiri uses phraseology similar to what was in the announcement posted on 7/7 to an internet site. The surprise for me was that Zawahiri had managed to use a Pakistani jihadi group, the Jaish-i Muhammad, to recruit 3 British young men of Pakistani heritage plus a Carribean to blow up the London underground. Zawahiri clearly had the copy of Muhammad Sadique Khan's last statement, which he bundled with his own screed. I don't personally believe there is any question whatsoever that 7/7 was an al-Qaeda operation of the old sort, with Zawahiri actually involved in comand-and-control (unlike in Spain, where an independent Moroccan group with no direct al-Qaeda ties was responsible). It is still unclear if the second bombing attempt, on July 21, was an inept copycat operation or if it was also run behind the scenes by Zawahiri. Its perpetrators included 3 East Africans and a Carribean and used the same explosive (which luckily had gone stale).

In the UK critics of the Blair government concentrated on the question of whether the bombers were inspired to their hatred for their own country by Western atrocities in Iraq. Of course they were. They talked incessantly of what they saw as massacres at Fallujah, and the torture at Abu Ghraib. Blair had been warned by his own intelligence people in 2004 that the Iraq War could well provoke terrorism against the UK. But that debate missed the key question of why Zawahiri is still at large and able to blow up London, four years after he helped blow up New York and Washington.

The Bush administration has dropped the ball on al-Qaeda, big time. The Iraq War has created a new recruiting ground for al-Qaeda and its soul mates among the Sunni Arabs of Iraq. In Haifa Street in Baghdad and in Samarra, there have actually been crowds wearing al-Qaeda insignia. Contrary to what the Bush administration would have you believe, Iraqis had had virtually nothing to do with al-Qaeda before the American invasion. Iraqi Sunnis had once mostly been secular Arab nationalists. But the American destruction of the Baath Party has made religious fundamentalism attractive to them as an alternative political identity. The US has succeeded in pushing 5 million Middle Easterners away from secular nationalism and toward the arms of al-Qaeda. Operations such as Fallujah and Tal Afar, involving the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people, the damaging of a majority of buildings in the city, and the deaths of thousands, will not soon be forgotten by the country's Sunni Arabs. Some have spoken of taking revenge by finding a way to hit the American homeland. Things are not going well.

On top of the failures in the fight against al-Qaeda and the quagmire in Iraq, the US suffered a major blow with Hurricane Katrina and the Great Flood of 2005 in New Orleans (or what used to be New Orleans). The blow was not primarily to the US economy, which is resilient and enormous ($13 trillion?), and which will recoup-- though the economic recovery may slow. The blow was psychological and political. The abysmal job that Bush and Co. did in responding to the disaster, which cost so many lives, will not soon be forgotten. What, many security experts are asking, if this had been a terrorist strike? Unpreparedness of this epochal sort could sink the government.

Bush has given us the worst of all possible worlds-- a half-finished job against al-Qaeda, an Iraqi imbroglio that could still explode into civil or even regional war-- and which serves as an al-Qaeda recruiting tool--, a government starved for funds, an enormous windfall for the rich at the expense of the middle class (which saw average wages actually fall recently), and an inability to respond effectively to a major urban catastrophe.

Four years after September 11, al-Qaeda's leadership should have been behind bars or dead. Four years after September 11, Afghanistan should have been stabilized. Four years after September 11, the government should have been ready to save lives in an urban disaster.

Bush recently started likening his poorly conceived and misnamed "war on terror" to World War II.

What his handlers have forgotten is how long World War II lasted for the United States.

Four years.

In four years, Roosevelt and allies defeated Nazi Germany and imperial Japan. In four years, Bush hasn't managed even to corner Bin Laden and a few hundred scruffy terrorists; or to extract himself from the deserts of Iraq; or to put the government's finances in good order so that it can deal with crises like Katrina.

Four years. I think about the victims of 9/11, and now 7/7. We have let you down.

I won an ELECTION!

Man it feels good to actually vote for a winner! I forgot what it felt like!

"The Humanity Critic"

Has won FOUR 2005 Black Weblog Awards

BLOG OF THE YEAR
BLOGGER OF THE YEAR
BEST WRITING IN A BLOG
BEST HUMOR BLOG

And Dammit if the Black Weblog Awards didn't get it right!

Please note he ran on the Slogan "I'll throat-chop a mutherfucker"

And who can resist that kind of "Can Do" attitude.

Rock on with you badself, Humanity Critic!

We're taking Preprations!

Here is a picture of our President at work for a Hurricane.

This meeting took place prior to a Florida hurricane. Jeb's there, George is there and Michael Brown is there (head to the back of the camera)


There was no such meeting prior to the recent Hurricane.

This is on the White House site

The Most Grateful Guy Ever - A Hurricane Katrina Story

A freind of mine forwarded this letter from a friend.

Except for a few surnames that have been deleted, this piece is completely unedited.

Thanks to Everyone who is writing and calling and checking in on our plight. Here is what has happened to us during the Katrina Disaster. Jasmine and I decided to ride the storm out. We are both from hurricane country and have weathered enough of them to know that we could last 7 days or so. Plus we we're looking after the bar.

We lasted through the storm without any problems despite very very high winds which we thought would rip the shutters off the windows and blow the windows out.

When the storm first subsided we walk around the corner to the bar. In the French quarter there was very little damage. Mostly signs down, debris everywhere a few walls collapsed glass everywhere etc. Then we checked the bar and it too was fine. One broken window.

The police called the 7 pm curfew so we went back to the apt. This is where it started to sink in. The entire FQ was pitch black. From my 2nd fl balcony we could not see the street below. Eerie especially considering the bustle and hustle and street noise that normally exists in the quarter.

Police patrolled and finally the national guards drove thru.

I awoke early the next day to ride my bike over to the house I own in the lower garden district. destruction was huge. every tree was down. But the house was FINE (again) 2 windows broken and that's it. Trees everywhere but the structure was intact.

I rode back around the town. And could see that the entire area was destroyed, but was accessible by bike. No standing water. I went back to the apt and then to the bar. We decided to cook the food in the freezer and frigs and give it to the friends and former customers and whoever asked for.

Our bar is next to NOFD headquarters. They were hanging around telling us various stories about the city's plight. Then all of a sudden they were scrambling to evacuate... so fast I could find out why. Which isn't that strange because they regularly run off to fires and such as is there mission. But this time they were cursing each other to hurry up and leave the area. Then traffic became extremely sparse.

Jim, a local regular customer of ours came down the road with a huge pack on his back struggling to reach the Super Dome. He had a wind up radio that alerted us to the latest news. The LEVEE was broken and the lake was filling the city like a tub.

Time to go.

I offered Jim a ride in the back of my 78 El Camino. He said yes. WE shut the bar, grabbed like 2 shirts and money and birth certificates and such and ran out the door. And two cats. No cage. Piled into the Camino and took off.

We rounded the corner and saw other close friends scrambling to siphon gas out of cars left behind to fill up their tank so they could leave. We had half a tank of gas. We drove the only route out of town. US hwy 90 west to the 310 junction to the 10 west (beyond the metro area). Connected to the 55 North toward Jackson MS. In 90+ degree heat no AC and not enough gas to make it to Jackson.

We were the only car on the road in that direction for about an hour. The cats were going crazy. WE were in silent shock and relief. It literally felt like a movie scene when you see the heroes drive out of an explosion or just avoid a collapsing building. I felt like we had avoided Armageddon.

We had no idea how true that was until we saw a television some 15 hours later. So we made it to McComb MS and found a shaded spot. No Gas. No Electricity to pump the gas out of the stations we ran across. We met families who had been in McComb for days. and had not seen the full on aftermath.

The only way we had to communicate with anyone was via Text Msgs. I text Mike , Alan and Cindy...Please send help to McComb!!! Alan called my mom. Mike called his. She called mine. Alan found a friend from my highschool and elementary school, Pete, who we now refer to as St. Pete, in Jackson MS. He then, god bless him, collected gas from his neighbors and struck out to rescue us 2 hours south of his home. He found us and we dumped the 2-3 gallons he had scrounged up from his neighbors into the car.

We struck out for Jackson...again without enough gas to get there. Cats still going crazy. The fuel gauge was still below E. We FINALLY saw a line of people buying gas. We were elated. We drove a few more exits and pulled into the smallest Stuckey's gas station I have ever seen. The car literally died on us 20 feet from the pump. The truck behind us pushed us into place! At this point we were beyond exhausted but still thankful not to be in NOLA. It's sinking in that everything we own is 200 miles away and probably flooded or looted away, but we were lucky. Again back on the road in the pitch black night.

WE made it to Jackson and them Meridian MS. Gassed up and then to Prattville. Dropped Jim, who is like 45 years old off, out of the pick up of the camino. Then to Auburn arriving at 6 am. Into my crying mom's arm. And then to the TV to see the devastation for the first time. After taking in the broadcasts f a few hours we collapsed into sleep. We are here and okay. and Resting.

And nightmares and emotional breakdowns in Wal Mart shopping for clothes to wear, razors to shave for the first time in days. Crying. Angry. crushed. in an un imaginable limbo that I have not even begin to come to grips with.

AND YET WE ARE THE LUCKIER ONES!! WE had a car. We had text messaging. WE had friends and family outside of the region. Help New Orleans in anyway you can. Help Mississippi. Help Alabama. And say some sort of prayer to whatever you believe in. God bless everyone and hug who you love. Thanks. We will be in touch with you. Please We will call you in time. This is the story.

From Jazz and Louis

Michael Brown's Confirmation in the Senate

I've been searching all day to find the official vote of Michael Brown's confirmation hearing in the Senate. Don't be fooled by the feckless Democrats. I'm sure many of them didn't have the brass to vote NAY on his confirmation due to severe lack of experience. Now, everybody justly wants his head. I doubt Bush will ask for his resignation as that would place blame at the federal level which would contradict the latest GOP media blitz attempting to blame local New Orleans officials (i.e. liberals). But remember, this is not the time to play "the blame game" unless of course, you are Tom Delay who wants to blame everybody who isn't donating to his legal defense fund.

If anybody can help find that Senate vote let us know. I want to know who speaks with some authority here. If you voted to confirm this unexperienced clown you better not be slamming him now because you are as guilty as he his, maybe more, as you are elected officials.

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

We all need a laugh this week and this will do it. I got this link from our good friends at Smirking Chimp:

http://www.venganza.org/

Strippers with a heart of Gold.

So I get some shit for frequenting a topless sports bar near my house.

But that is from the folks who don't understand.

Five TV's carrying every sporting event
$3 beers during their daily happy hour (from 2-6)
No Lap Dances.
And on top of that they are fun gals...
They just want to drink beer and watch sports at the bar.
Like guys with Hotness.... Topless only.. and some great stage acrobatics..

Tonight at the Stargarden, North Hollywood.. something good is going on.

As you know usually strippers are "going to law school" so keep your filhty paws off or I will sue your ass. That's for stupid strippers.

No...these strippers are in promising local bands. And surprise... they are GOOD.

So all of them have gotten together to throw a rockin show 7 bands, one night.... all proceeds (yes, even that buck you throw on the stage) are going to the Red Cross for Katrina victims.

7 bucks to get in. 5 bucks if you know the password.. which is "Red"


Im going later on.. more to follow... One thing I can guarantee... they will raise more cash than "Focus on the Family" who are asking folks to donate "prayers" .... that always put food on my table. That always re-built my house.

For that matter... they will raise more money tonight.. than Cheney, Skeezah, and Bush will personally donate.

So I guess the goal is more than $100.

Losing Faith in the U.S. Government

The debate about the wisdom of our foreign policy inspires passions on both sides of the political spectrum, but the debate about our domestic public policy is almost non-existant. Very few people even realize how things get done (or in most cases don't get done) in Congress. Our legislative policy is hatched in basement rooms on Capitol Hill and in secret meetings like Cheney's famous Energy Policy meeting. It's only when we experience a crisis like 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina that the veil is temporarily removed and the hollow interior of our government is revealed. This is usually followed by stonewalling and media blitzs to convince us that what we've just seen with our own eyes isn't true and that everything is fine. The disaster in New Orleans was years in the making -- a pattern of indifference to the common good is at its core. Factcheck.org has the depressing statistics which reveal why it is naive to have any faith in our modern government systems: http://www.factcheck.org/article.aspx?docID=344.

Gettting Kicked off the Island.

Gilligan we hardly knew you...But I often think of the parallels between Gilligan's Island and the current administration. Without the hot babes.

Maynard G. Crebs, yeah we knew him.

Bob Denver
1935-2005

Katrina

I think we all now know what the right wing means when they say "limited government" don't we?

I just returned from 12 days in the South -- Charleston, SC; Charlotte, NC; Winston-Salem, NC; Kitty Hawk, NC; and Norfolk, VA.

There is not much I can add to what has happened in New Orleans except to say that there is a malaise over the entire South -- not to mention soaring gas prices. In one day in North Carolina they went from $2.80 a gallon to $3.30 a gallon for regular unleaded. I'm waiting for that famous phone call to OPEC that we heard so much about during campaign 2000.

Fortunately, my own relatives in Southern Louisiana were safely evacuated, and friends and their families were also able to make it Baton Rouge or northern Mississippi, but not before witnessing some of the horrors that we all now know. Once they are more comfortable, I hope to post some of their experiences.

I don't think anybody has to guess where the writers of Crackpot Press stand on what happened -- it was gross incompetence and criminial negligence from Bush on down. I think that the photograph of Bush playing guitar while New Orleans flooded may be the single greatest image that characterizes his "presidency." Nero anyone? My next article on Crackpot's main site will be to dissect line for line the pack of lies that was the speech he gave in San Diego while New Orleans burned.


If any of the people at FEMA and Homeland Security have any portion of their souls left they will offer their resignations. Since most of them are the recipients of GOP largesse, my guess is that they already did not have a soul, and most of them will receive Medals of Freedom. The Bush administration refuses to admit failure even when it is on a massive obvious scale like Iraq and now New Orleans (not to meniton Biloxi and Gulfport). Nothing will change there. It is, however, nice to know that Bush is worried about Trent Lott's coastal home. That certainly was my main concern when the levees broke.

GW

Donations

Hey Folks, I found a place to give my backpacks and other stuff (see below). There is an Organization called the Dream Center here in Los Angeles that will be welcoming 350 folks from Louisiana.

They need a whole lot of everything. So check out their site and lend a hand.

Jerry Rice: The Greatest Ever

I get a lot of heat living in LA and being 49ers fan. I get deluged with all kinds of hate tirades from my close circle of friends as well as strangers.

Your fans are arrogant snobs (well, yes we are... 5 Superbowl rings will do that to you and, FYI, tailgating SHOULD include Lobster and Chardonnay)

Your fans are rich, white people from Marin... (well yes.. but who would really want to dine with someone from Dallas or... gulp... Houston?)

Then there is the "Yelp of the Desperate" who are obviously bitter ... usually from someone from a town with NO Super Bowl victories ( like someone from Detroit or Carolina...) or someone who is trying to deflect attention from the closet Kurt Warner hides in:

"The 49ers are a bunch of faggots who fuckin' rim job each other in the locker room. Ya know, before every game, Steve Young gargles a protein shake from Jerry Rice's cock."


There is only one kind of response to this kind of desperate C-list taunting.

"Whatever keeps them winning."

So,

To all of you who thrill at the mention of the ringless Marino or Barry Sanders;
To all of you who cheer for a white trash team who, despite it's nearly decade long existence, has yet to produce a single franchise player;
To anyone from Dallas, who continues to embrace Ghetto Millionaires;
And especially to any football afficienado who lives in a footballess metropolitan area and desperately clings to the Oakland Raiders.

JERRY RICE IS SIMPLY THE BEST PLAYER TO HAVE EVER PLAYED THE GAME!

And none of your teams are ever gonna reach that excellence, if you ever get a team.


Okay, I have said it.

We live in weirdo, self absorbed times. We have ineptitude in government, pop music is terrible, the NBA is dominated by cry baby thugs, the NFL is in desperate need of class acts and baseball has a "Syringe of Damacles" hovering over it. Sure there are Magic's and Shaq's (Come back, Shaq.) here and there, but for the most part the only sports stars kids should admire today are on the AVP tour.

Jerry Rice was a class act from the "J" to the "E." In his first 16 years he played in every game... in everyone of those games he has at least one reception.

Career: 187 touchdowns.
1200 receptions for 18,000 yards. That's a 15 yard per reception average.
First player to every score 200 touchdowns.

Do I need to go on? Jerry has four of the five 49er Super Bowl Rings.

You can find more stats here

But Jerry was part of the community. Needed a youth center fixed up? Jerry was there, picking up garbage. Need someone to talk to the kids? Jerry was there. Children's Hospital needs some help? Jerry was there. To my knowledge, Jerry never appeared at the opening of a car dealership, but he would be the first guy to offer you a ride if your car broke down. It seems nowadays that the United Way PSA's are built into an NFL player's contract. Which, if it is true, is a great idea.

But Jerry would have been there anyways and he worked on a local level. Not trying to change the world, just his corner of it.

There are 1000's of dazzling images of Jerry on the field. Far too many to go into now. There is a series of "off-field" images that will always stick in my head. After 16 years of perfection, Jerry had a leg injury that sidelined him for the entire season. Look at the sidelines during an NBA or NFL game. Look at the players that are sidelined. They stand, pacing in pimped out $3000 suits with gold blingamajing, talking on the phone to some stripper, an employee forced to come to work. Yeah, Irvin, Owens, Sanders... I'm talking about you. Who the hell wears a suit to a football game?

Not Jerry.

Jerry was at every game, 49ers hat, 49ers polo shirt, 49ers running pants, 49ers clipboard and headset. He advised the players on the field, he advised the coaches. He was still a part of the team. He still found ways to give.

Jerry still earned his salary that year. There is a certain "greatest" San Francisco ball player that could learn a thing or two from him. Hint: It's Not Willie Mays.

So Jerry, enjoy the 60 year retirement! But I have a feeling we'll still be hearing from you.

Brazilian's Wax Up The Works,

The Chicago Open:

The Brazilian’s Wax up the Works.

Mimi Marin’s and Tatiana Minello, as usual, screw up the bracket. Rachel Wacholder/ E.Y. eliminated in Semi Finals by May/Walsh. Kerri Walsh plays through and abdominal strain. Walsh will not play n the Vegas Open next week.

May/Walsh take game 1.

Volleyball


Chicago Open


Kerri Walsh


Misti May

Katrina Donations

I work with Kids who have diabetes. We all pitch in and throw
a great free event where we teach Type-1 kids confidence
courses. Type 1 adults helpingout Type 1 kids.

The Events of this week have had a profound impact on
me. The image of the person standing on the roof with the
handpainted message "DIABETIC, PLEASE HELP" is erasable, seared.

At the end of the day, we give each kid a back pack
filled with fun stuff.

I am the guy that scores the free stuff. I overshot this year
and have a surplus of 100 or so backpacks, some water bottles,
baseball hats, t-shirts etc. All of these things have been
living under my kitchen table for the last couple of months.

I got a feeling someone who has been recently displaced
could use a backpack and a water bottle.

I have a Salvation Army here in Los Angeles, but I want
this stuff to go to the people, not end up in
some Thrift Shop.

I don't know where to drop it off.

Any ideas?

Katrina Donations

GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND DO SOMETHING!

Mayor Ray Nagin made this plea to the Federal Government.

Listen to the whole interview.

It has now been five days and while every journalist in the world has made it into New Orleans. The National guard can't

The Blood of Raider Nation

The Raiders with what, I am sure, are the greatest of intentions are having a Blood Drive prior to the Saints Raiders game tonight at 6:00.

Now here is the real question... do you really want to be walking around with Raider Nation Blood in you?

How are they gonna sort it ? By Blood/Alchohol level?

Here you go, Grandma here is some new blood. 60 proof!

Do you ever get the idea that they just don't care?

I mean look at Bush reaction times:

Slow on Tsunami
Slow on 9-11
Slow on Katrina

Now it's rubbing off on Condi:

From Drudge Report:

Eyewitness: Sec of State Condi Rice laughs it up at 'Spamalot' while Gulf Coast lays in tatters. Theater goers on New York' City's Great White Way were shocked to see the President's (and current Secretary of State) former National Security Advisor at the Monty Python farce last night -- as the rest of the cabinet responds to Hurricane Katrina...


Now don't you think the Secretary of State should be on the phone enlisting a little help...

To be safer at home.

Ya know I stumbled upon this article by former Presidential, staffer Sidney Blumenthal

Apparantly, Mr. Bush has diverted funds meant for Levy and Flooding projects to fight his war in Iraq. Which, as well all know, is not necessary.

So to the righties who occasionally puruse this blog, here another reason why the War in Iraq has made us less safe at home.