Monday, September 05, 2005

Jerry Rice: The Greatest Ever

I get a lot of heat living in LA and being 49ers fan. I get deluged with all kinds of hate tirades from my close circle of friends as well as strangers.

Your fans are arrogant snobs (well, yes we are... 5 Superbowl rings will do that to you and, FYI, tailgating SHOULD include Lobster and Chardonnay)

Your fans are rich, white people from Marin... (well yes.. but who would really want to dine with someone from Dallas or... gulp... Houston?)

Then there is the "Yelp of the Desperate" who are obviously bitter ... usually from someone from a town with NO Super Bowl victories ( like someone from Detroit or Carolina...) or someone who is trying to deflect attention from the closet Kurt Warner hides in:

"The 49ers are a bunch of faggots who fuckin' rim job each other in the locker room. Ya know, before every game, Steve Young gargles a protein shake from Jerry Rice's cock."

There is only one kind of response to this kind of desperate C-list taunting.

"Whatever keeps them winning."


To all of you who thrill at the mention of the ringless Marino or Barry Sanders;
To all of you who cheer for a white trash team who, despite it's nearly decade long existence, has yet to produce a single franchise player;
To anyone from Dallas, who continues to embrace Ghetto Millionaires;
And especially to any football afficienado who lives in a footballess metropolitan area and desperately clings to the Oakland Raiders.


And none of your teams are ever gonna reach that excellence, if you ever get a team.

Okay, I have said it.

We live in weirdo, self absorbed times. We have ineptitude in government, pop music is terrible, the NBA is dominated by cry baby thugs, the NFL is in desperate need of class acts and baseball has a "Syringe of Damacles" hovering over it. Sure there are Magic's and Shaq's (Come back, Shaq.) here and there, but for the most part the only sports stars kids should admire today are on the AVP tour.

Jerry Rice was a class act from the "J" to the "E." In his first 16 years he played in every game... in everyone of those games he has at least one reception.

Career: 187 touchdowns.
1200 receptions for 18,000 yards. That's a 15 yard per reception average.
First player to every score 200 touchdowns.

Do I need to go on? Jerry has four of the five 49er Super Bowl Rings.

You can find more stats here

But Jerry was part of the community. Needed a youth center fixed up? Jerry was there, picking up garbage. Need someone to talk to the kids? Jerry was there. Children's Hospital needs some help? Jerry was there. To my knowledge, Jerry never appeared at the opening of a car dealership, but he would be the first guy to offer you a ride if your car broke down. It seems nowadays that the United Way PSA's are built into an NFL player's contract. Which, if it is true, is a great idea.

But Jerry would have been there anyways and he worked on a local level. Not trying to change the world, just his corner of it.

There are 1000's of dazzling images of Jerry on the field. Far too many to go into now. There is a series of "off-field" images that will always stick in my head. After 16 years of perfection, Jerry had a leg injury that sidelined him for the entire season. Look at the sidelines during an NBA or NFL game. Look at the players that are sidelined. They stand, pacing in pimped out $3000 suits with gold blingamajing, talking on the phone to some stripper, an employee forced to come to work. Yeah, Irvin, Owens, Sanders... I'm talking about you. Who the hell wears a suit to a football game?

Not Jerry.

Jerry was at every game, 49ers hat, 49ers polo shirt, 49ers running pants, 49ers clipboard and headset. He advised the players on the field, he advised the coaches. He was still a part of the team. He still found ways to give.

Jerry still earned his salary that year. There is a certain "greatest" San Francisco ball player that could learn a thing or two from him. Hint: It's Not Willie Mays.

So Jerry, enjoy the 60 year retirement! But I have a feeling we'll still be hearing from you.

1 comment:

Crackpot Press said...

I hate the 49ers. GO PANTHERS!