Friday, January 06, 2006

Well this won't piss anyone off.

First, Pat Robertson says Sharon is being punished for dividing God's Land.

What could possibly bring these folks together ?

Pat's gotta another idea... BUILD A THEME PARK!

Yup 700LAND is coming to Isreal for folks who find the actual Holy Lands a bit dry.

It will feature the hit show "Ezekiel- Pick'n and a Grinnin''", Revelation alley, in the arcade-- "whack-a-hom0" and, of course, from the folks at ILM "Blast to Ascention!- A Reality Voyage"

Of course, you will be able to take your picture with all of the Bible's cartoon characters.

Booze will not be served, but we understand there will be a "secret club/spa" (ala Disneyland's Club 33, hidden above the Pirates of the Carribean) named "Magdalene's Chow House". It will have more Americanized fair than bland ole jesus food; Wings, Beer, Espn and hummers-- the secret handshake is the same as at the Promise Keepers.

First served, first come.

Don't like your service? just wack em in the head. To keep things "real" slavery will be reinstated!!!

So bring some extra suinglkes and cmon down y'all!


charles said...

Hello, and welcome to 700-Land! My name is Moses, and I'll be your tour guide into Exodus.

If you'd like your picture with Ruth, Joshua or Noah ... please exit the tram ahead, and proceed to Solomon-country.

Our driver today is Jonah, and he'll be happy to answer any questions you may have.


Tina said...

Magdalene's Chow House? Where does the line form?
Mmmmm... I see the House Special is Holyland Whore's Hotdogs... and for dessert one must try the Stoning Souffle... mmm mmm good.

C'mon kids... let's hurry!... we don't wanna miss the Water into Wine Show. Gosh dangit lil Timmy... put that "I went to the Holyland and All I Got was Crucified" T-shirt back this minute!

Crackpot Press said...

Holyland Whore's Hotdogs are only 99 cents and, yes of course, they are 12 inches.

totolehero said...

you are horrible crackpot !!!!

but that's funny!!

Blogenfreude said...

Catered by Wal-Mart

Anonymous said...

Holyland Whore's Hotdogs are only 99 cents and, yes of course, they are 12 inches.

Nope can't use "Holyland". It's already taken. So, in the great Disney tradition, they'll have to use Holyworld.

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

We here in Jesus-loving Orlando (where "Brokeback Mountain" was rightly listed as a porno) have already experimented with a similar theme park, aptly named "The Holy Land Experience." For some unknown reason (most likely a plot schemed by the Michael Moore-sect of the Democratic Party,) it failed to gain traction and went into Holy Bankruptcy.

I know, I know, America must be asking: why does Florida hate America so?

Tina said...

Crackpot: And for the secular world, those 12 inch Holyland Whore's Hotdogs can be renamed Holmes Hotdogs.

Crackpot Press said...

Tina.. we like to call the "Crackpot Dogs"

Tina said...

Crackpot: oh my! :)