Okay so let's say you find yourself living in a crappy apartment off of Melrose, and some homeless guy breaks in while you are in boxers and hungover on a Saturday at 8:00 am and you fight him off and decide that you are not cool enough for Hollywood anymore and move to Studio City.
Let's say you move to Bluffside Terrace Apartments on Bluffside Drive, right behind the Ralph's on Vineland and Ventura. Right next to the Archstone, a favorite for porn actors and Universal Studio Executive Mistresses and whatever the gay equivilant is. The pool area is a good looking bunch.
You have a whole new criminal to deal with.
So my dishwasher is making some noise. A cat in heat being dry humped kinda noise. So I call the fuckers in charge and they say they will fix it. THREE MONTHS later they do.
And Today, I get a bill in the mail for $95. Apparantly there was some glass or some shit in it and so it's my fault. Apparantly the "imbeller" is broken.
My dishwasher is a 24 inch ROPER brand Washing Machine. ROPER BRAND??? What the hell does that mean???
While trying to figure this out, I muse on some of the things the BLUFFSIDE TERRACE APARTMENTS off of Ventura behind the Ralph's has done for me.
I live in a so-called "Security Building" looks like an okay joint.
My next door neighbor, and then Landlord, was bludgeoned to death by two hustlers he met at "Apache's" and promised speed to. I heard the noise but was too tired to get into a fight that night. The police report mentioned "an act of true anger"
My car was broken into two years ago and all my Xmas Presents were stolen. Including a West Wing Fleece blanket at buddy scammed for free from Warner Brothers. Priceless.
My house was broken into after returning my Father's funeral. My cell and home phone were the only things stolen. They also rifled through my CD collection. Apparantly, not big Elvis Costello and Social Distortion Fans.
My Dishwasher says "made for the Roper Corp of Kannakee, Ill." Now I look up the ROPER brand on Google.
Guess what?!? The Roper Corporation of Kannakee, Ill was bought by Whirlpool in 1987.... My guess is that had this dishwasher had it been newer would have said WHIRLPOOL on it.
Considering this dishwasher was built during the Reagan Administration, this is normal wear and tear, right!
Also to buy a new one it's only $200.
What a bunch of cocksuckers.
Editor's Note: This post is in no way meant to discourage anyone from sucking a cock.