Friday, April 14, 2006

Texas Vs. California

This post was inspired by Helen Wheels.

So I went and fell in love with Texas Girl.

UPDATE: I got my ass kicked first thing this morning by the forementioned Texas Girl for claiming that the Bush's were from Texas. They are from New England.

The California Texas rivalry is a dangerous thing. First of all California gave you Reagan and Nixon, Texas gave you the Bushes. So California has the edge on nicompoops (no shocker) that score is 15 to 10.

California has more Super Bowl Rings than Texas. California has more World Series Rings. Texas has no World Series rings.

Yet... the Cowboys get more airtime on Monday Night Football.

California has a bay. Texas has a Gulf.

Texas gets you to the stadium. My dad used to have a Chevron station on the way to the Oakland Stadium. Matuzak used to fill up there.

We ARE even on Kennedy assasinations.

Texas has Chaw. California has grass.

California has proud Homosexuals. Texas has Rodeo Clowns.

Texas has BBQ. California has lobster.

Texas has hot humid summers that get in your craw. California has sun that scramble your brains.

Texas has Lyle Lovett. California has Chris Isaak. And the Grateful Dead. And the Doors. And the Counting Crows.

California has porn. Texas has swingers.

Texas has Haliburton. California has Sun Microsystems-- Who would be corrupt if they would can the attitude and grow a pair.

Texas has cheerleaders and wide open spaces. California has crowded freeways and that slut at the Starbucks.

Texas has twang. California has "whatever'

Texas has hot sauce. California has a store at the Farmer's Market that sells it.

California invented the Rose Bowl. Texas won it.

People live in Texas. People move to California.

Texans have spurs. Californians have nipple rings.

California has Jerry Rice. Texas has Troy Aikman.. who went to UCLA.

Love is a funky ass fate.


Kvatch said...

I was raised in Texas, but I live in California. (OK, Babylon by the Bay...but I think that it still qualifies, right?).

- Texas has the Soviet Socialist Republic of Austin - California has the People's Republic of Berkeley, Santa Cruz, San Luid Obispo, San Rafael,...)

- California has high income taxes - Texas has no income taxes.

- California has crowded concrete freeways - Texas has crowded cow-paths

- Texas has reasonably priced houses, and property taxes that will ruin you - California has reasonable property taxes and outrageously priced houses that will ruin you

- Texas is an ungovernable mess that should not be used as a proving ground for US Presidents - California is a schizophrenic mess that should not be used as a proving ground for US Presidents!

Greg Mills said...

Dude, Counting motherfucking CROWS?

Crackpot Press said...

I like the Counting Crows and for that matter NIGHT RANGER!!!

Helen Wheels said...

I inspired all that? Wow! I'm glad that poster did more than gag a few folks!