Maureen Stapleton

Maureen Stapleton passed away today at the age of 80.

There is this great story about her. She had just won the Academy Award for REDS in 1981.

Now Maureen was a bit of a battle AXE and a quality drinker. She wins the award, Jack Lemmon hands it to her and the walk backstage to the pressroom.

Jacks holds her by the arm and says "So how does it feel to be the best supporting actress there ever was?"

Maureen spits out "I'd rather be remembered as the greatest LAY there ever was"

to a loaded press room.

Who never said a goddamn word. And good for them.

StatsCounter.

Hey folks,

I have become increasingly dissatisfied with Statscounter.com as my free tracker for this blog and the main site

It's not counting very well.. my back up counter (which only works on the main site) shows nearly the double the hits that Statcounter Does.

Any suggestions?

Insert Laughter

Why do I find none of this funny?

Who do you have to blow?

To get a meeting with Mary Carey?

No, I am serious...

By the way, this is the least nude image I could find, before I got caught...er I guess "distracted" is a better word.

Oh for wholesome family images swiped from Google... go see BOAAC!

But the Good news is she has lost twenty pounds!

Which is roughly $34.50 American.

thankyouverymuch...

Mary Carey has lost no one in the Iraq war.

Barry. - Updated.

According to a new book out , it looks like my boy Barry is facing new steroid accusations.

According to the book, Bonds was using two undetectable designer steroids, informally known as the cream and the clear, plus insulin, human growth hormone and other performance enhancers by 2001, when he hit 73 home runs for the Giants to break Mark McGwire's single-season record of 70 set in 1998.

Insulin??? How the hell does insulin help someone hit a baseball? Also Insulin is a legal substance. Your body makes it. Runners often inject and extra pint of blood to help them run better. I

Now I can't speak to the cream and the clear and human growth hormone... which were banned in the 2002 baseball season and were both within the rules to use at the time.

I can speak to insulin. I take it every day. The only purpose for Insulin is to break down sugar in your body. A normal, healthy non-diabetic person would die if they took insulin. I took an accidentantly overdose the other night and couldn't complete a game of Scrabble.

A normal person taking insulin would immediately feel sweaty, dizzy and have absoulutely no chance what so ever of hitting a baseball.

I think that these members of the media (who Bonds has not been good to) are reaching for substances that need to be injected to prove a loose case. If they had the facts on steroids, why add something that really can't help you out that much and the effects can be immediately dangerous.

So what the hell are these people talking about?

In addition, there is this new article

Like the previous article, the evidence is speculative. Also if you note the tone of the article is VERY villifing. IF this evidence is true, why hasn't Bonds be arrested? Why hasn't McGwire been arrested?

What I am saying here is we don't know. How many folks were hoodwinked by Judith Miller?

The Bastard Strikes Again

Ever need a nice tidy list of of all the fuck ups of the Bush Administration.

Check out the Bastard of Arts and Commerce

A man, a myth amd a collector of Cheap Wedding Favors.

Dubai and Dubya

Is there really that much difference?

Today word is punditry. I know what the word means.. it means guy on T.V. talking about shit with the passion of a team of malpractice lawyers and one bextra lawyer negotiating for Easter Gift Baskets like a forgetful father 17 minutes before service starts.

It’s amazing what one desperate man will do for 49 cents worth of Peeps. What acts he will commit.

I have always thought of Easter as the “greatest comeback ever”.. your friends betray you.. you spend several days on nailed,not stapled but NAILED, to a cross, your only entertainment is admiring your mammouth African penis and wondering why you never cut your long blond locks. It’s hot up here..

Your friends give up on you and throw you in a cave and roll a boulder over the entrance..

Miraculously you recover and are so undernourished and pissed off you roll away the stone, then take your vengeance on your disciples who gave up on you… Each of the nine to twelve “Disciple” murders are accented with a CD-R of “I’m your Boogeyman” left by your mangled body. Mangled in the Uber-Pissed off Son of God way.

A young Chuck Norris plays Jesus. Jesus kicked ass… just like the last reel of LONE WOLF MCQUADE.. but he was no Billy Jack.

Brilliant.

But more on punditry.

Wikipedia (No I don’t own a dictionary.. or a Zagats… homo) defines “Pundit” as

In the English-speaking West, pundits are those who are the presiding experts on a subject; and write signed articles in newspapers or appear on radio or television to opine on current events. Television pundits are sometimes called talking heads.

By extension, the term pundit is also used to refer to individuals that express opinions in the media without necessarily being a recognized expert on a particular subject matter. Pundits are often accused of being politically biased and for using informal logic in fallacious ways; in this sense, the term is also used as a term of disparagement.

Since I don’t own a dictionary… I don’t know what “fallacious” means either. But it sounds like a wonderful evening in, with some turkey chilli.

Back to the pundits…

Regardless of Americans being WAY against the DUBAI ports deal. Dubya feels impassioned about it. Proving once more he is more in touch with the enemy than with people. Enemy not in the terrorist way…

I like others are sick of being force fed at the Dubai teat. I don’t think most people are racist, I think most people are sick of being pawns in foreign oils game. Bush (and his pundits) say 65% of American’s are racists for not liking this deal.

Dubya and Dubai say trust me..

So now.. we play the ratings game…the pundits need to get forceful.

Howard Stern is a genius. He is not a genius because he is funny... he’s not funny or witty or clever. Well, he is funnier than Al Franken.. but not any funnier than the guys I went to high school with. He is not a genius because of lesbian strippers. He’s not a genius because he isn’t afraid to get personal.

Howard Stern is a genius because he discovered a truth. The people that hate you will watch you more closely than the people who like you. The people who hate you are a much bigger, louder force. The people who hate you are “your audience.”

And they listen and they buy the stuff you are selling.

Pundits are getting wise.

Now that the Dubai is dead… let’s think about the Dubya.

Limbaugh
O’Riley
And this guy.

Regardless that this deal is dead, these guys just keep preaching, that Bush is right and they are slowly mnaking Congress a four letter word.

What are they doing?

They are attempting to attract the audience that hates them.

And that audience is me..

I just want to know what wrong stuff they are gonna say next.

I should really spend more time reading.

To Protect and Dance!

So I get in the elevator today with an cop. 22 years oldish, short but broadshouldered kid with a $35 haircut and a manicure. Also in the elevator was a boat load of unattended Office Room Reception Chairs , Which now live in my car.

In addition to the normal cop regaila (pistol, smashy stick, love cuffs).. he had what every Cop in Los Angeles needs to accent his job.

Variety
The Hollywood Reporter
and Backstage West

NO wonder the Cops are nuts in this town... They are freaking frustrated primadonna wanna be movie stars...

Damn you BOBBY BALL! Damn you APA!!!

So let's look at this again..

So let's take an average guy... who has big dreams but on average spends three years out of work... getting rejected day in and day out, not just by casting directors, but by his agent and eventually his girlfriend runs off with his agent's assistant because he makes more money and has better connections.

Now add in to that, this person was the leading thespian and considered the best actor at in college. That's quite a heartbreak. While driving the squad car he starts reminiscing about his days as "the Grand Dame of Cal State Hayward Extention"

Actor's are crazy psychotic people to begin with.

So they take a job that requires hanging with the criminals most of the time... and they get smashy sticks and pistols and love cuffs.

And now the LAPD is giving the WEAPONS!!!!

His only training is a Stage Combat Class taught in West Hollywood by Les Abott???

MEMO TO: LAPD

STOP HIRING ACTORS!!!!!!

Wear a Rubber.

In his last "Speech for money" Kurt Vonnegut took the opportunity to slam Bush, "the syphullis president"

Good for him...

The Zingers include: "the Difference between Bush and Hitler... is that Hitler was elected"

The bit that really got me was Our economy has been making money, but
“all the money that should have gone into research and development has gone into executive compensation. If people insist on living as if there’s no tomorrow, there really won’t be one. "

This is the EXACT reason why I foudn it necessary to skip out on my gig.

That, and I think I finally reached me porn threshold and am looking forward to buying my Mother's Day Gift Baskets with untainited cash.

Kirby Pucket

I don't know how anyone feels about the passing of Kirby Pucket.

However, I do know a great piece of writing.

Go to www.kfwb.com

and listen to Chris Ames story on Kirby Pucket.. it's short.

Do a control F(ind) and type in Kirby

The Big Dance

My team for the tourney this year is my Beloved Gonzaga Bulldogs.

I didn't actually GO to Gonzaga.. I just root for them as I have no idea if the San Francisco State Gaters have a basketball team. Adam Morrison, their star junior, is a Type 1 and so I really would like to see them do well.

I was on the Bong Team when I went there and I tell you we kicked Stanford's ass every meet.

Eat that Cardinals!

The Tournament was never a big deal growing up for me. We had professional sports to watch, but as I grew into a klan of Caroliners in the my early 20's I started getting into it.


And yes, I usually root for the Pac-Ten and am usually disappointed.

Every sport needs a villian. Whether it is the Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, Kerri Walsh or the Lakers, the villian is one of the most important aspects of any sporting event. If you have no one to root for, it's almost as fun as having someone to root against.

And now it is time for the Big Dance.. usually Duke is my villian for the tourney...

Every been to Duke.. well I have just seen pictures and they are Ugly, Ugly people.

And cocky.

But this year's villian, who I will delight in watching being beat up torturted and spit out is...

Oral Roberts University.

Yes, the aqua netted cheerleaders of of Oral Roberts University have God and their side and who wouldn't want to take on God in the Tourney?

In know recently Oral has embraced progressive changes in the rights of college coeds .

Well Oral.. you are playing with the Big Boys now.... and not even your precious little God can't save you know.

Let's Rock.

Natalie Portman's Rap

More real blogging later but in the meantime check this!

Via Crooks and Liars.

The Penguin Documentary sucks.

Actually I really liked the Penguin Movie. In fact, I thought it was a great documentary. In fact, it was a real documentary... not an op-ed movie... very Nanookish. "The Smartest Guys in the Room," while filled with great information, is exceptionally poor filmmaking. Just a lot of dumb crap for the ignorant... as CPG pointed out...

"Wow, they played "Son of Preacher Man", because Ken Lay was a son of Preacher... how cute. Look they talk about accounting magic tricks .... then a magician pulls a rabbit out "

She has Houston Bias.. but ya know.. that IS cheap filmmaking. I hate movies that intentionally press my buttons.. Terms of Endearment??? C'mon??? Biggest piece of "Push My Buttons.. bring the kids to my deathbed kind of filmmaking" crap I have ever seen.

As genius Tina said once (quote as I remember) "I give you hot ass Model-T steamy love and you won't share that piece of floaty thing with me???" (Leo swims away)

The Best Documentary of the Year is not nominated for an Academy Award.

It's called END OF THE CENTURY. It's about the mutherfucking Ramones.

I hate movies about musicians. Why?

Drugs and pretention take precedent over why the music is important.

"The Doors" is the best example of this. Oliver Stone has always been a button pushing hack. He is the Ralph Nader of Directing. Touch on some points... play with some facts... get to Orso and then panhandle when you are out of money again.. "Will work for epic"

But he won't dine with the middle class or cross Sepulveda. Show up every couple of years like the second string groundhog who gets passed up every Feb. 2. . I never see either of these guys during mid term elections. As if hippies weren't bad enough... rich, entitled hippies are worse.

Why is it that rich hippies always get worse weed than poor ones? It's all seeds from Mexico.. who are you trying to impress? BUY AMERICAN!!!!

Jagov.

Well.. buy American west of Barstow... north of Sacramento. Just north of the joint you get you Shiraz from... (which is a Hecha-la-zami-white name to bring back Merlot.. after Paul Giamatti crushed it. When fat bald men crush your product... that really sucks... Avery Schrieber made Doritos BAZILLIONS!)

There have been two movies who have combined these issues... RAY and WALK THE LINE.
RAY was a much better flick.

But this Doc on the Ramones is some of the best filmmaking I have ever seen on a band. No showboating like they are drunken poets, no Beatles crap, no self worshiping...

This is what happened.

Did we have problems? Sure!

Sure it would have been entertaining to see someone throw a Jerry Springer Cymbal at someone. But when they talk about their problems and differences.. it sucks you in a bit more... you want to know what is behind the eyes...

"End of the Century" is just a bunch of stuff that happened to some guys. But it's the most honest movie about a bunch of guys ever.

And it's no different than anything that happened to you. Your closest friends; you have had to pull them up when they lose, you have had to suck up your schadenfruede when they win and you have really have to applaud them at some time. In that Burgess Meredith turn your head and say "Just Cut Him" kind of way.

So I am sure the Penguin movie or Smartest Guys in the A Not So Smart Movie will probably win the Oscar. But someone should send something to the Filmmakers of END OF THE CENTURY... send flowers .. SOMETHING!

I got a Big Job On TV.

I am also happy to announce that I am the newest cast member of the Simpsons.

Can't blame the Harvard Nerds for Wanting to keep it real. Man those nerds make a ton of cash.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/41026/

What, you think I could just continue to make money blogging?

Porn Accountant NO MORE!

Well I quit my flinging flanging job today! I have hung up my thong and Crackpot is NO longer a Porn Accountant!!! the Hell you say???

You thought I would be stuck in this bullshit job for forever!

At least I did.

What have I become?

What could a man of my stature and girth possibly find work as....

To what depths did I sink this time?

Join a crack ninja team of Arcade Legends? My first real job WAS hustling pinball.
My beautifully aged skin kept me from winning one of my accutane lawstuits,
Cheap Wedding Favors salesman? Please nothing with the word wedding in it...
Did I finally find a buyer for Barbara Bush Sex Tape... I know I know.. I should have made one with the younger Barbara.

I am still on the depths of accountanting... but NO MORE PORN... No more reviewing the buy rates for "Butt Detective #1 through #4" and "7-18," no more searching for the billing ID for "Humping Ned's Behind"

AH, I will have to adjust my blog duties, but watcha gonna do?

The Sex Pistols

Wow, the surviving Sex Pistols dont really think much of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

I could go on and on about this one.

But you are better off just reading their letter.

Something tells me Green Day's response will be somewhere along the lines of Sally Field's Academy Award speech.

Springtime

Ah Spring..

I love Springtime, the February Rains have cleared out the smog, the AVP, MLB and the "no bra law on Melrose" are just 30 days away, March Madness is on the horizon.

It's almost enough to make you want to wear a flimsy dress.

Back to Bargains

Now as I mentioned before My girlfriend was thrilled, after being in a Berlin for a week, over the Valentine's Flowers I got for her.. on Feb 17.

Half Price by the way... Long Stem Reds... they looked great.
She found that part very sexy.

But I think I need to send flowers again.

But in that same earlier blog I mentioned that I was thinking about Buying Gold Bars .

And then this comes out. Google will be a bargain some day too!

I don't think Google will fail... but they will have to lay off some folks. And it's sad, but they were way overpriced to begin with. As it says at bullshitjob.com...

If you can't hold your product in your hand... you have a bullshit job.

Perhaps the laid off can get a job in Marine Electronics , now that is cool shit you can hold in your hand.

Racketeering back in action!

Okay so the Supreme Court said OKAY-DOKEY for folks to start using terror tactics as part of pro-life protests. No some folks have heard me say in the past the Operation Rescue is a terror organization and should be treated as such... let's take a peek at the chart made at Religous Tolerance.com through 2004. (scroll down a bit)

That's right! the Pro-Life movement is responsible for more acts of terrorism (including Anthrax Threats) on U.S. Soil than Al-Qaeda!

What part of this is acceptable?


Also, why is Operation Rescue so happy this ban has been lifted? What do they have up their sleeves?

Also why was this unanimous?

DIabetic Comeback

I have created an additional blog Diabetic Comeback.

As you can imagine, it will be quite different from this one. Should anyone have a better picture idea than the gay lighthouse, let me know.

Also there is new stuff up at the main site!

Thanks for all the good wishes on the reading. CPG thought it went pretty well and hopefully I will have some video up some.

So blog geniuses out there.. How do you add video to your blog?

and a big red A for Adulterererererers.

Boy wouldn't this look terrible on the back of the presidential motorcade.

Californians are Sick Perverted Wackos.

This is a phrase I have been hearing most of my life. And while the Perverted Wacko part may have some truth... not the sick.

But let's look and see what is going on in the more Traditional All-American States..

Someplace where the corn is high as an elephant's eye, a place where they have both kinds of ice cream at the social, and a whole new take on a pre-nup!

Perhaps say... Iowa?

(VIA DARNELL VIA RAWSTORY)

Crackpot Comes ALIVE!

Hi Folks,

I, along with five others, will be doing a reading this Sunday (prose, no politics) at the Hotel Cafe from 6:30-8.

“Tongue & Groove”
The Hotel Cafe
1623 1/2 N. Cahuenga Blvd.
Hollywood, Ca 90028
$5.00

Others include:

Jillian Dreskin
Whitney Walker
Robert Carrol
Lisa Orkin
and Tim Giblin

With: Musical Guest ROMY.

C'mon on down!

Brash Limburg's Response.

Brash has written an excellent response to my challenge. And yes, I like to think of myself as THE crackpot as he has described me. THE crackpot... yes I do like that. I may have to change my calling card.

I think that all liberals, conservatives and in-betweens should read it as well as Brash's comments to my original challenge below. I also think that no matter where you stand, you should write your own piece. Write from your nads. Rub them together and get a fire going.

The first step is understanding each other, there is very little of that going on right now. Like it or not, political philosophy starts in your heart. It's what charges you. I lived in St. Louis.. where I was demonized by the right... I lived in San Francisco where I was demonized by the left... and I used to work for the The Grateful Dead....but it was during the "Touch of Grey" years. Long after they shrugged their crackpot roots.

Your politics are not a logical conclusion, you just feel how you feel, it is personal.. it's not business. When we understand and respect each other, that's when change can start.

When there are nutjobs (the antonym of "crackpots") such as Colture (who's name I will never learn how to spell), Malkin, Franken, Rhodes, Nader, O'Riley, Hannity, Colmes (how DOES this snively guy sleep at night?... oh yeah with many hookers on a pile of money) .. theese people really don't care that much. Never seen any of these folks at volunteer activity... not even at Christmas.. Don't you people know there is war on Christmas for Chissake? Volunteer for your cause!

Yet, not one of those people gave of themselves. Not only didn't they show up for Toys for Tots, they wouldn't even wrap a present. Do you know how many presents they would have gotten if BOR said "I will be at the Nantucket Mall.. stop on by! Meery Xmas." Four hours out his life... he would have been bigger than Clay Aikin.

Except for Springsteen, Liberals aren't a big draw. Bono is reaching out too much... Madonna is crazy and,like Britney, no one wants to claim her.

It wasn't necessary for them to give for the cause they believe in

or didn't believe in.

If you get a chance listen to Elvis Costello's "Radio Radio" or "Riot Act" off of "Get Happy"

Fuck those chumps.

These people are the political equivelants of Hollywood Execs... they aren't filmmakers/philosophers they are popcorn/30 -second spot advertising salesmen. These people are fucking Dee-jays, they think Brokeback Mountain is as important as Rambo 3...

FYI... Goodfellas or Resevoir Dogs were far better pictures.. they got an emotional reponse.

No more important than Mark and Brian. Yet less important than Alex Bennet.

We should stop listening to their rants and request some action... and protests of any kind are not the answer.... because no one wants to listen to bunch of folks who dont have anything better than block traffic on Wilshire Blvd at 4:00 on a Tuesday afternoon.

There is a reason that W. has won two elections and there is reason why he connects with folks.

No I am not getting soft..but in these time of vitrolic divisions, mud-slinging seems to be the only answer. And it is the wrong answer, it's not productive. And yes, I am a mud junkie from time to time. Ever see Resevoir Dogs? Everyone is pointing fingers at each other and Mr. Pink says "Fuck sides.. what we need is some solidarity here"

The thing that kills me about the times we live in is that there is a ton of mud. And both sides are armed with it because is Mud is cheap... it's as close as a Google. And both fans fight with the tenacity of a Michigan Ohio state game, people want a clearly defined loser and winner. There are no winners (except Rachel Wacholder)

Plato would throw such a hissy.

I dont even want to call myself a moderate. I am a guy who just wants some answers.

I want to know why I am underemployed.
I want to know why I have to pay so many taxes. Why I need $6k in write-offs to declare it a write-off,
I dont want be afraid that my job will be shipped to India, so upper management can get a bonus, so they can take care of their families, so their daughter's can get a reality show.
I want to know why everyone Enroxxon is slapping themselves on the back.

Yes, I am a liberal. An old school liberal, a union liberal, a no bullshit liberal.

I want to knock peoples heads together and tell them to play nice. I am sick of the violence and the propaganda. If you were--- elected give it up, Solve some fucking problems. Give it up, show me some action in even the smallest way.

Do SOMETHING!!!! Start by giving up your vacation time when a disaster hits. Both parties...

Yes I am in favor of taxes..

cigarettes.. tax em.
Booze tax 'em
Porn.. tax 'em (the deficit would go away, the war would be paid for the country would be turning a profit. Why isn't there a porn tax? Porn ain't goin nowhere.. )
Big Business.. tax 'em.
Guy who votes.. cut 'em a break.
You need meds.. tax free.
Tookie? Regardess that he redeemed himself.. he started a huge killing machine that he cannot destroy. Thumbs down. Tookie deserved to die. He killed 100's more than Scott Peterson... and Tookie deserves that same fate.

Politicians.. at least TRY. A little team effort here we are all in this together. Yet some folks think they are less in this than others. Starting with the Conneticut Yankee hanging at the rodeo.

Politicians are ineffective right now, they are too self-absorbed or too worried about keeping their gigs to be effective. There are some good ones.. Boxer, Feinstiein, Naegle , Shays, Obama, hell, I even think Orrin Hatch has his good days.

The only bipartisan thinking that has gone on in recent memory is to support the credit card companies.

And that tells you where YOU stand.

I just want folks to do the right thing and I call them as I see them. Politicians don't do that from their view in the luxury box... they need to be behind the plate.

And this is why Bloggers are important...

We got no one to answer to and our words are important. All of them.

I dont care if you are blue, red or Crackpot maroon .... (a color purposely invented to appeal to the Bugs Bunny crowd)

you are important..

I just think folks should listen to ones who aren't jagovs but folks with nuthin to lose

Jagov is a synonym of nutjob.

Rock on, Brash.

The New Wonkette

I don't think I like the new Wonkette

Now that Ana Marie Cox is gone... it seems to have lost it balls.

And it's not funny....

Or is it just me?

Brash Limburgh

I like Brash Limburgh.

I think he is a good guy. I think he is smart guy. I think Brash and I would have a great time kicking back some beers and dispensing of singles.

Brash is not a Blind eyed Hannity... he sees the realness....

Brash is more of TR republican, a respectable sort...... I think he likes to stir the pot.. and I don't have a problem with that...

Stirring the pot is good... otherwise your beans will burn.

But there is one question...

Why does does W inspire you?

I don't want to hear about Kerry, Hilary or Moore...

Why is W someone that inspires you?

Why is he a TR?

I will delete any comments that are not contructive, hateful or otherwise....

And BL I will not except rhetoric....

give us the facts....

give us the reasons...

give us something to believe in..

you can not use the numbers 9-11

I'm getting screwed on my Taxes.

Yup, the AVP season is upon us!

This cheers me as I am getting a crappy tax refund.

Mostly because I negotiated a debt settlement and made myself quite a deal. I did save several thousand bucks so it was worth it, but that several thousand bucks I saved is now applied income and it screwed me all up.

Now let's say I had gotten a good tax refund. I have checked the price of gold and have looked into stock option investing.

But it looks like the only thing I am going to be able to afford is this.

Sure I am little biased, but the AVP I think is a great investment opportunity right now. The tour has just been expanded to include 4 different stops (though I still think the Brooklyn open is a terrible idea, but it is a New York Venue), the sport is growing in leaps and bounds in popularity, it has it's staple stars Kirach, Walsh-Traenor, Wacholder, Jasopn Ring is coming up and every game is broadcast on either NBC. Also at $1.50 a share.. it's got nowhere to go but up.
Season starts in just a couple of short weeks.

An easy bet to double your money.

or I just could pay off my car insurance.

I like Guns.

I admit it, I do like guns.

My Mom lives in Tahoe and bears and other scary animals regularly track through her yard. My step father Frank was an old school Teddy Roosevelt Republican. I think everyone could pretty much admit that Teddy Roosevelt was bad ass. He became a fisherman in the 20's, a boyscout and joined the Sierra Club 30's, went to war in the 40's and the 50's, and joined the Democratic Party in the 90's. He quit the NRA around the same time... because it wasn't about hunting anymore. He believed in the food chain. His favorite movie was "A River Runs Through It" He joined the Democrats.. because the were closer to the Republican Party he initially joined. My Mom joined the Dems then too. Feb 4th marked the one year anniversary of his passing. But Frank always said... "Guns belong under glass, they are mechanisms that need to be studied.... like a watch.. they are fascinating"

I wasn't allowed to play with them as a kid. I don't own any now. But I DO have a collection of Louisvill Sluggers, so don't get no idears.. see...

I worry about my mom and the bears. Instead of mothers day flowers , I am thinking about getting her a gun. Frank was a gentle man. They once went to Yellowstone and took a break to read books under a tree that Frank gave me the entire history of.. which I unfortunately cannot remember. Frank gently poked my mother and said... "Be very quiet.. Don't move"

A Moose was ten yards away, and they stared at this beast... and I am sure Frank studied it's mechanisms.

On natural glass. The moose saw them and went on it's way.

Now THAT is an outdoorsman. He shares the world with all living creatures. Some trophies are kept in your mind. Respect the one you call an animal...respect the animal in yourself.

None of the Cheney Bullshit....

It amazes me that the guy he shot came out with a pussy whipped comment like "I am sorry for the pain the Cheney family has gone through" This guy is such a jackass who has to pay off people to hang out with the cool kids, gets shot in the face... and is worried about them????

You lost your FACE!!! You had a heart attack!!! Grow a pair... be a man.

No "I am gonna SUE YOUR ASS" is what he should have done. Someone shoots me in the face..
I am not gonna hang with you and I am gonna tell folks. I have stopped speaking to people for FAR LESS than "You shot me in the face!" These men are not outdoorsmen, they don't respect that nature of the beast. They don't even eat what they kill. OR feed others with what they kill. Do you know how many people out there would LOVE a good quail dinner Quail is good eating!! Like Thanksgiving!

Wanna get your rocks offs? Try Airsoft Guns, that would be a good time. Playing a little paintball with Five deferment Cheney... Now that's good hunting...

So this jagov needs to go and sit back in one of his nice comfy commercial office chairs and think about what it means to be an outdoorsman...

and think about what it means to means to be a man.

Frank would kill me if I bought my mom a gun. I would not be respecting that outdoorsman.

Strange thing afoot at the Rite-Aid

Some Women really need to know their bodies a little better

So I go to Rite Aide tonight... as I tend to do from time to time. It's wonderous place.

In front of me.. is this 40 or so little rocker blonde babe with purple eyeshadow (which is the New Blue Hair)

With four Summer's Eve's Douche's and three 750ml bottles of Jack Daniels.



" What is really giving you that not so fresh feeling....?"

was the only thought that came to mind.

Rubbers are on aisle four.

I'm, Crazed!!!

Lots of good stuff is going on right now and I am taking part of the day off.

So I highly recommend checking out the Bastard of Art and Commerce's new piece on the new econonomy in Russia.... he's blogging from there LIVE!

It does involve Hookers.

The Iran-A-Lyin Begins.

Now we must remember that Iran did indeed ELECT their officials...

But apparantly there is no freedom...


What does Condi Say... ? We can give them $75 million bucks! You know to aid people who don't freedom... to like vote and stuff....

wait they do vote.

Rice tried to take the offensive by announcing an administration request for $75 million this year to build democracy in Iran, saying the U.S. must support Iranians who are seeking freedoms under what she called a radical regime.

I want $75 million for freedom under a radical regime.

That oughta do it! One coup for the low low price of $75 million bucks... and then what?

Judging from the past experiences of throwing cash at the middle east, I have come to one conclusion.

Yup, they will eventually be used that money to attack us.

an Update

Since America seems to be ignorning this situation, I thought I would share what other folks are doing around the world

Valentine's Day is over.

Which is a great tune by Billy Bragg.

So I go out for a pack of smokes tonight and there is this blonde little pretty trixie out walking her Yappie dog at 10:00 on Valentines Day.

She's telling her friend on the phone about some great resturaunt she just went too..

She had the lobster...

A half a block later... I am thinking to myself...

"Why the HELL aren't you off praising the ceiling tiles?"

Lobster... Valentine's Day...

A little effort here?????


Or just "cue the Nazareth"

What ever happened to seeing paradise by the dashboard light?

Some thoughts on Quail Hunting... by Quail hunter Paul Begala.

Finally!

Finally... someone is actually going to try and find Bin Ladin!

GOOD MORNING BERLIN!!!

Well, earlier I was sweating Valentine's Day.. but alas CPG was shipped off to Berlin for the Film Festival this week.. yes, I have managed to avoid Valentine's Day for 11 SMASH YEARS!!

Baby, I know you are working hard and just wanted to Shout out a big HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

I love you, We'll make it up this weekend... when everything is half price!

David

P.S. No I am not celebrating being a cheapskate.... we both love a bargain.
And that's hot.

Bush hates Brown Trees

So the new budget has arrived. I think we all agree that Schools need to be improved.

However, the Federal Government doesn't want to pay for it.

Things are tight we have to suck it up...

We must have something in the garage we could sell to help out our schools.

Wait ouyt TREES !!! We don't need those.

According to the LA TIMES the Bush Budget wants to sell off the US of $1 billion of Public Lands
including 85,000 acres of National Forest lands.

Now Mr. Bush has not done much for Califorornia... he won't come to any Urban Areas, he let Enron walk all over us and frankly... he's just an ass.

However, who will he sell it to.. the Sierra Club? The Green Party?

The STATE OF CALIFORNIA???

Or perhaps the Logging company he owns..

Shall we start a pool?

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS BIG GOVERNMENT LAND SNATCH?

I thought Republicans were against big government... not true, another scam.

Again, I know this is a futile attempt and a crackpot idea, but I really think it's time for California to secede from the Nation.

The U.S. Government continues to steal our resources and does little pump it back up.

Why should the 8th Largest Economy in the World help out anymore?

So Mr. Bush... get you damn hands off of my state... Go mess with Texas or some other state that actually votes for you.

Movie News!

I caught myself catching THE BIG CHILL on Turner Classic Movies last night..

I suddenly realized something.

I am older than the characters in THE BIG CHILL. That's sad.

Oy... and now TOP GUN isn't quite as I remember it.

How life changes...

Another Great Show is dead.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Finishing School.

Hey Folks,

For the Los Angelenos, my good friend Chiwan Choi has FINALLY decided to hold class.

He is teaching a writing class focused on completing your project.

Chiwan is tireless in his passion for the written word and his enthusiasm for writers. There is a great optimistic energy here.

You should check out his his site THE FINISHING SCHOOL or his lit journal WEDNESDAY MAGAZINE.

For more on Wednesday

OR you can can contact me at Crackpot@crackpotpress.com and I will give you the lowdown.

The first class is limited to eight, so get on the bus.

Today's Word!

Today's Word: Cross Promotion!

I have often been told by my good friend The Bastard of Art and Commerce, "Cross Promotion is the keystone to any good marketing plan."

Then Fox News has it down...today the President announced that a plot had been foiled to attack the Library Building in Los Angeles. The Library Building is now known as the US Bank building. Most Los Angelenos never go downtown unless there is some kind of rave and I doubt that most could even describe what the skyline looks like. Downtown is not an unpleasant place.. it's just far away and only has one major draw.

But Fox News knows all about it. Imagine waking up groggy... haven't even had your first cup of coffee yet.

I flip on Fox and I hear these words "Terrorist... Attack.... Los Angeles"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

And then I see an image similar to the one shown here.. except close up and graphic.... it's the fricking US BANK Building being blown. Torn Apart! Dismantled! Explod-a-rama!

All the beautiful people could be dead! Who will I hang with?

I put on my glasses only to see at the bottom of the screen "Photo: Independence Day"

Independence Day!!! You are talking about a potential terrorist threat and you are showing a picture of the Bank building being blown up by ALIENS!! Scared the crap out of me!! And I don't live in a place where Independence Day was a documentary.

Oh wait... 20th Century Fox's Independence Day!

Oh well I get it now. This is not the first time the White House and Fox have gotten together to promote this movie... I can recall at least one other image.

I really can't believe they would use a potential terrorist attack to promote a ten year old flick.

Sorry if I made anyone feel old.



Awlright enough bitching... I DO have an awesome website to run. Screw You Fox and your cross promoting ways!! Next time cane you at least wait for me to get my pants on in the morning before you tell me the aliens are here.

At least I will have some place to crap then.

Rockwell Noir

Vanity Fair has a very interesting Photo Gallery Up. No, not Nude celebrities Scarlet Johansen or Keira Knightly... (that'll bump up the old keywords searches)

It's a very dark look at the All-American Norman Rockwell Image

All the pictures are very open to interpretation.

This one is called "The Hallway"

Katie Gets Shit on.

Swiped from the Self Hating Homo Blogger.

What a Boehner!

Via Raw Story...

Well this is a notch above renting out the basement from your mom.

And I bet his XBox RULES!

In other Creepy News.. I went to Agitprop today and clicked on their link for a site I would enjoy.

Too Stupid to Be President

An entertaining site. But look under their cafepress ad. It's an Amazon donate thing (which is fine) but it says "HI! Crackpot Press" (well, it said my real name). My REAL NAME.. It said " HI MY REAL NAME! "

I do my best to keep anonymous

How they hell did they find my real name and how long till it starts saying this on other sites I enjoy...

My girlfriend runs every Saturday at 5 AM... And non of this rookie Runyan Canyon crap.. from Santa Monica Blvd.. through Runyan and up to the top of Mullholland... and back

know what this means... NO GETTING GROOVY ON FRIDAYS!!!

and occasionally the internet has been my Friday night date....

I don't want anyone to know about that!!!

shit..i just told everyone.

Anyways, How long till these folks cave to the government?

Frickin' Creepy

I got memed

Good ole Helen Wheels memed me. My first one. I feel so pretty on the inside. Yet so strangely familiar. Maybe I have done this before.

Oh this is the picture you get if you type Meme into google images. Pink floyd.. what a bunch of losers.

But FIRST, from the Genius who selflessly brings you (YES, YOU!) the Bastard of Art and Commerce and Nude.Fat.Man (see side bar)
comes the Daily Cold Stone Jam.

Also so cool new stuff on the main site

7 things I say
Aw Crap!
How many Superbowls have the Panthers won?
Violla! (prounounced literally)
Love ya, mean it!
Yes, I am a Porn Accountant.
I wanted to play Catcher for the Giants… life a bitch huh?
Jackass!
I’m feelin’ confident about that.

7 books I like
George Plimpton is a fricking genius
All My Sons by Arthur Miller
A Total Waste of Make Up by Kim Gruenefelder (hey I need to plug my buddy’s book)
I had a Frightmare by Bil Keane as told by Greg
Burning in Water Drowning in Flames by Bukowski
The Complete Book of Ball Parks
All Too Human by George Stephanapolis

7 movies I enjoy
The Great Escape
All That Jazz
The Bad News Bears--1976
His Girl Friday
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Network
The Player

7 things I enjoy about Cities
Skyline sunsets
Graveyard movies
Walking to anything
Only showing on two screens
Fewer Republicans
Retro Movie Houses
Overall Superiority

7 things I cannot do
Kiss ass…trust me I would be much more successful if I could
See the Ramones
Put my leg behind my head
Eat large amounts of ice cream
Keep the dishes out of the sink
Throw away baseball hats
See the Who Forty years ago

7 Things I must do before I do die
Live on island time
Cure diabetes
Play catcher for the Giants
Have two kids
Fly off to England to Rock with Mick and the Boys
Get a new frickin job
Get to a day where I really don’t care what day it is

The Pittsburgh Steelers are the World champions

The Pittsburgh Steelers are the World Champions. I once doubted this fact but now I truly realize the errors of my ways.
Tina from Fuzzy and Blue is the ultimate genius in the world and she should never be doubted or questioned.

Again Tina is a true genius who should never be doubted and she like the Pittsburgh Steelers should be heralded at all times.

Making the A-List!

So the Crackpot Press Main Site has been getting a surprisingly high number of hits this morning.

Where are they coming from... perhaps the New York Book Publishing world has finally realized the genius of the Crackpot Press.

No.

We got a ton of activity from this IP Address.

vict-cache.iraq.centcom.mil

I didn't like the sound of that.

Turns out this is the IP Address of Dod Network Information Center in Columbus, Ohio.

NOW I REALLY DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

Sure, I am flattered that the DOD is taking a peek into us and it's a bit of a badge of honor.

But as we know the DOD isn't so hot when it comes to interpretting their evidence. I mean perhaps they are finally onto Nude Fat Man, perhaps they don't care for Gile's Weaver's take on Crime throughout history, perhaps they want to know what Karen will be wearing to the Academy awards...

Or maybe they are avid Oprah lovers and want to beat up Mike.

Whatever they read into, it will be wrong. So that's a little scary.

Then I checked on which articles they had checked out.

Article #1 ((PG-13)might be considered NSFW)
Article #2


Yup, just another guy trying to spank it at work.

On my Dime!

Brokeback Steelers

Oh boy...

USA Today is going to have to print a rectraction.

From Davenetics

Novak: State of the Union was his worst

As a hobby, I like to spy on the right. I even once considered joining a Right Wing Dating Site just for the stories. It would be a personal piece of performance art.

But it is nice to see that the Right is begin to smell the cyanide in the Kool-Aid. Amazing what bad approval rating will do.

Steelers vs. Seahawks--- Side by Side Comparison.

Hey Folks new stuff on the main site!

I have never been to Seattle or Pittsburg. But
from the documentaries I have seen about these
cities; Sleepless in Seattle  and All The
Right Moves,  they do have a couple of things
in common-- Lots of rain and very unhappy
people.

Both teams must thankful to get out of their
dreary little towns and head for the gold and the glitz
that is -Detroit Rock City.

But I think the folks in Seattle are just a little more happy. I'll
get to why in just a moment.

Usually around this time of year, my email box starts filling with
all kind of Superbowl taunts, usually from folks whose team have
never one the big one.

One of my favorite friends is a young man named Giles Weaver.
Now young Giles grew up in some backwoods hillbilly haven
where there were no professional sports. Sad, huh?

So he had to bandwagon on to the Pittsburg
Steelers who did quite well in the
70's... mostly due to their  Hillbilly
Quarterback with a soothing baritone...
and a gentle beast named Joe. There
was love and a common ground there.
(Just to be fair Young Giles does have a mop
of good hair, most of his teeth and
can spell Cat).

Giles Weaver dozed the day away
dreaming of becoming the next kid with
a coke bottle.

Young Giles dreamed of the day he could leave his before
and after school job in the fields of the R.J Reynolds
Company for the glamorous paparazzi filled life of an Allentown
Steelworker. Is it so wrong for a young man to dream about feeling
pretty... just once?

But like most dreams, this was crushed as he was lured into the seamy
world of professional blogging. He never made it to the big city...
not even for a weekend jaunt.

Now young Giles is filled with boyhood Glee as the Steelers are about to go
head-to-head in Detroit over the weekend. Ah, two towns in desperate need
of Canadian prozac. Damn that FDA.

Should be a pretty a competitive outing.

However, the Seahawks have one thing going for them the Steelers do not.
For this one reason alone, the Steelers do not deserve any respect.

Here is a picture of the beautiful West Coast Seattle Seahawks "Sea Gal"
Cheerleaders.

Here is a the last known picture of the Pittsburg Steelerettes.

That's right.  The Pittsburg Steelers have not had cheerleaders
in 45 years.

And while I usually reserve the bottom rung of the world for the
Carolina Panthers and the Dallas Cowboys, this recently discovered
fact shoves them right down to the bottom of the pack.

So for young Giles

there will be no Rah-Rah..

there will be no pom-poms.

But still a boy can dream.....

Be gentle with him, God.

(Crackpot Press always welcomes alternative viewpoints)